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#334209 - 06/20/10 05:08 AM fathers day
looking2heal Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/15/10
Posts: 100
Loc: pa
i know my mom wasnt to blame but she missed the signs..and my dad who did see the signs has past away and i cant talk to him. but he never understood it was, just get over it its in the past leave it there. i want to talk to my mom about all that happened maybe not the details, but i can come off wrong at times, i tell it how i see it...and how i see it may hurt her and thats not what im looking to do. im so confused and hurt. i didnt have these thoughts until i startd talking about it. the more i talk the more i remember. i love and miss you dad i just wish you had better then "get over it"

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taking the steps to healing inside

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#334243 - 06/20/10 05:09 PM Re: fathers day [Re: looking2heal]
james 1959 Offline


Registered: 02/17/10
Posts: 283
Hi looking to heal i can under stand you not want to hurt your mum Im a man of 51 i found it hard to open up to my mum i dnt want her to be hurt to.

But being a mum she knew there was something wrong with me and wanted to know. I went to see her one night and it was hard to tell her what happened, but i told here bit by bit, she was hurt for me and felt that she had failed me as a mum.But thats not the truth my mum and dad loved me and would have done anything to protect me.

Being a parent or even a dad isnt easy and sometimes we dnt have all the anwsers may be your dad didnt to, may he didnt know what to say or do for the best. But how do you think he felt when you told him may be inside he was hurting to for the son that he loved but perhaps he didnt show it.

My dads been dead for 20 years he was a man that didnt say much if he had been alive to day and i told him what happened to me i dnt think he would have said very much either but i know deep down inside he would have been hurting for the son that he loved so much.Perhaps your dad would have done the same.



I love my dad and miss him to


Take care James














Edited by james 1959 (06/20/10 05:24 PM)
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We are brothers on a journey,and companions on the road
We are here to help each other share the burden and the Load

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#334251 - 06/20/10 06:16 PM Re: fathers day [Re: james 1959]
Casmir213 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/09
Posts: 844
Loc: Northeast, USA

looking2heal,

I agree with James, it's a very difficult thing for a father to realize that his son was hurt as a child, since it is a father's job to protect his son. Maybe acknowledging your pain and abuse would have made your father face what he would have seen as a failure of his ability to live up to his role as protector of the son that he loved. Very sadly, it seems to me that as a defense against these feelings of failure, guilt, and most likely deep pain, your father told you to "get over it", which denied you what healing would have occurred if he had acknowledged the truth of your experience and the effects of your abuse, thus most likely (I suspect) providing you with an experience of abandonment and denial of the reality of your experience, just when you desperately needed to have your father listen to you, believe you, be there for you, and care for you. If I am reading too much into your post I apologize, it's just sad when those whom we love deny us our right to heal ourselves. I hope that some day we can all correct the damage done to us by abuse and abandonment.

My best to you,

Rocco



Edited by Casmir213 (06/20/10 06:17 PM)
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I see recovery as a lifelong journey rather than a final destination, a journey, though, which can have many successes along the way.

WoR Alumnus - Hope Springs, OH, October 2009

My avatar is the farmhouse at the Hope Spring, OH WoR. It's a nice place.

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#334303 - 06/21/10 03:10 AM Re: fathers day [Re: Casmir213]
looking2heal Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/15/10
Posts: 100
Loc: pa
thank you both ...i never thought of it that way.

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