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#334262 - 06/20/10 07:13 PM Fathers Day Confusing
catfish86 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/09
Posts: 825
Loc: Ohio
Everyone tells me happy Father's Day. I'm ambivalent, move on to another day please. My own father was someone I suppressed the memories I had. This is my first father's day since I realized that I do remember my dad and he used me as a sex toy until I was 4 years old. Personally, my dad died when a coal truck he was rocking to get out of a snow drift rolled back over him, and I kind of wish I could have driven it. I missed my dad when he was forbidden to see me at the age of 4 and when he died when I was 8 because I had lost a sex partner. His brother then promptly kidnapped me and my brother and raped us.

Now I truly wish my dad never even laid eyes on me. Father's Day is a nice idea, can't wait till its over.

_________________________
God grant me
The Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The Courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to know the difference.

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#334288 - 06/20/10 11:47 PM Re: Fathers Day Confusing [Re: catfish86]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Catfish,

You have too much trauma to process right now to feel very good about father's day. That is quite understandable. The males around you as a small boy were stinkers. But that doesn't change who you are and what you can be. I've gotten to know you here at MS and I respect you and I feel sure you're going to be able to pull out of all this. Just keep working on it and don't be upset that you have some anger along the way. That's quite normal.

Allen

pufferfish


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#334677 - 06/26/10 09:45 AM Re: Fathers Day Confusing [Re: pufferfish]
broken13 Offline


Registered: 06/18/10
Posts: 37
Loc: ohio
I'm after the fact but just saw this post. I'm assuming you have a child/children Catfish since you mentioned people wish you a nice day? I'm sure it's not a day you wish to remember your own father but you have the opportunity to make this a day about you and your children.

I see the love my boys have for their father ... they just want to please him and make him proud. They know "nothing" about his past or what his father did to him. They don't know the pain in his heart. All they know is that they look up to him (even if he doesn't feel worthy he is). All they know is they love when he laughs. All they know is they love when he spends times with them.

I'm new here so please excuse me for not knowing more about you. I'm so sorry this is a hard day for you. I just wanted to encourage you if you do have kiddos just to try and embrace the moment with them. It's amazing how my boys light up when my H allows himself to get wrapped up in loving moments with them.

I agree with pufferfish that the males around you were crap. If you don't have children and just hate when this day approaches, idk, try to maybe plan something that isn't father related (I know society is saturated with "holidays" so this can be hard) ....

Hugs to you and I love your 'footprints' quote in your sig line. I need to remember this right now as times are hard on my end. Thanks for having that there.... it was very nice to read it!



Edited by broken13 (06/26/10 09:46 AM)
_________________________
... when you feel like you are falling to the bottom remember God will either catch you or teach you how to fly

... there is a cost to the soul of a person when trust is broken.

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