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#334041 - 06/18/10 07:21 AM fathers day stress
Zak Offline


Registered: 06/16/10
Posts: 57
fathers day on sunday sick

option A, mom invited me over for a dinner she's making for the step dad. no way i'm going over there, she doesn't understand why i don't come around or want to be around him, i can't make her understand so i'll come up with some excuse as usual.

option B, spend the day with my real dad and his new family, don't think that will happen either, i just don't fit in with his new life, new wife, new kids. me and him are basically strangers.

option C, spend the day using as many pharmaceuticals as possible to make myself forget about everything, but that is a dangerous path for me.

last option, probably the best one, spend the day doing something good, get on the bike and drive to the shore, maybe bbq with some friends, do some landscaping or whatever.

it's so hard to want to do something good for myself or even be good to myself when the entire day is filled with bad memories anxiety and stress.

i never had anywhere to talk about these thoughts or feelings before so thank you for letting me be here.


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#334042 - 06/18/10 07:59 AM Re: fathers day stress [Re: Zak]
Obi Online   content
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1372
Loc: kansas
zak,

you're welcome... all of us are here to help each other...

i liked your last option.. get out and enjoy the day with friends and ride your bike.. good exercise...

if you need to talk i should be here on sunday.. we can talk in chat...

todd

_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

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#334044 - 06/18/10 08:36 AM Re: fathers day stress [Re: Obi]
Zak Offline


Registered: 06/16/10
Posts: 57
yea the last option makes the most sense, but i'm not sure.
thank you for offering to be here, i am shocked and awed that someone wants to help for no reason other than just being a nice guy.

oh you are right a bike ride would be good exercise, but i am talking about my 05 Kawasaki VN 1500 Mean Streak which i am selling by the way so let me know if you are interested haha


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#334045 - 06/18/10 08:45 AM Re: fathers day stress [Re: Zak]
earlybird Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/10
Posts: 1007
Loc: WA USA
If you push the 05 Kawasaki VN 1500 Mean Streak instead of riding it, it would be great exercise and most likely would take up the whole day. A twofer. and Zak, Todd has been there for me for no other reason than he is a great guy. I'm not anywhere as nice but I'll be around as well if you and when you get tired pushing the bike around and want to talk. Earlybird

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Balanced (My goal)

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#334048 - 06/18/10 08:51 AM Re: fathers day stress [Re: earlybird]
Zak Offline


Registered: 06/16/10
Posts: 57
good point and, it's a fast bike so pushing it is also a lot safer!


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#334049 - 06/18/10 08:58 AM Re: fathers day stress [Re: Zak]
Obi Online   content
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1372
Loc: kansas
thanks earl for the comps...

don't sell yourself short though.. you're a good guy too...

you're like an m&m candy... tough shell but soft inside... LOL...


zak,

it's all good... sorry, but i don't have the money to be buying a motorcycle right now...*laughs*... however, yes, i can be here to talk with you on sunday as many others too... we are all here to help each other.

todd



Edited by Obi (06/18/10 08:59 AM)
_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

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#334052 - 06/18/10 09:15 AM Re: fathers day stress [Re: Obi]
Zak Offline


Registered: 06/16/10
Posts: 57
my mom and (real) dad fought a lot, but i was real young and didn't think too much of it, but i do remember laying in bed at night blocking my ears wishing they would stop screaming at each other, wishing they wouldn't use bad words, but they were both good to me, when i was eight they decided to get divorced, i remember dad saying how much he would miss me, how much he loved me, he said it wasn't my fault they couldn't live with each other anymore, he said i'd be staying with my mom but i could visit him whenever i wanted too. it never happened, he left and never looked back, ended up with a new wife and kids and a new life that i didn't fit into at all. i was just a bad reminder of a bad time in his life, reminder of a mistake he made.

i spoke to him a handful of times after that but didn't see him again until my college graduation, he was only there because he paid for my education, he said he was proud of me even though i didn't exactly excel in college or do the same classes or sports that he did, he shook my hand and said he'd give me a year to pay back the loan, with interest. i managed to pay him back every dime. me and him are strangers to each other, he doesn't care to know what happened to me and mom after he left, i kind of blame him in a way, stupid huh?


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#334055 - 06/18/10 09:30 AM Re: fathers day stress [Re: Zak]
Obi Online   content
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1372
Loc: kansas
zak,

no, not stupid...

i could be wrong, because i don't know your folks, but it sounds kind of like my folks in that they love you they just show it in the only way they know how...

your dad did pay for your education to college. if he didn't love ya he may not have done it. as far as asking you to pay it back w/interest could be a life lesson on loans from financial institutions and so on... i don't really know...

i can't tell you the last time my folks told me that they love me or hugged me... it just doesn't happen... probably when i was a baby was the last time because i never got that growing up and to this day...

i have sinced learned that they do love me that just aren't able to show it, in what we would think is the way to show it, by telling me they love me or giving me hugs.. they show it by doing things for me..

maybe your biological dad is the same way... maybe he only knows how to show love to you by doing things like paying for college, showing up for graduation and inviting you over to his place for dad's day????....????...

but then again i could be all wrong... just a thought...

todd

_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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#334056 - 06/18/10 09:46 AM Re: fathers day stress [Re: Obi]
Zak Offline


Registered: 06/16/10
Posts: 57
thank you, this is all a good way to look at it, the truth is he only paid because i went to a school that he chose and got the degree he wanted me to get, i could have gone anywhere, i wanted to go somewhere else, so i'm the bad guy because i sacrificed what i really wanted for the free ride.

if he loved me he would have tried to stay in my life, he would have checked out the guy mom was marrying and he only invited me over because he feels guilty.

but maybe you are right and im too angry to see it.

the few times i have gone over there all he does is critize me, how i look, how i dress, what i say, what i drive, where i work, what i eat, he tells me about all the wrong choices i've made, all the bad decisions i've made. he is controlling and he looks down on everyone except his own family. i would like to know what makes him so perfect, i don't think i've made that many bad decisions and most of the real bad ones he doesn't even know about, uh i could go on and on and on


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#334067 - 06/18/10 11:10 AM Re: fathers day stress [Re: Zak]
Sobernow Offline


Registered: 05/17/10
Posts: 256
Loc: Oklahoma
Zak
its good that you can be honest here with how you feel.
right now in my facing prior csa - i have had to deal with anger towards my dad. like your real dad - he pretty much just put food on the table and clothed me - but no emotional attachment or hugs or kisses.
i am working thru the process of expressing my anger towards him - now that he is dead.
i loved him - but have these feelings now.
it is all very confusing.

just do what you can ---

btw --- pills aren't the best option of the 4 u gave.....
i have tried sex, drinking, withdrawal, etc --- they don't work

this works for me (talking to other guys)(finding a good counselor)


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