I actually live approx 2 hrs from my childhood home. I still own the house - since my parents pass away. The place where I was abused was a neighbors backyard & garage - 2 houses down from where I lived.

Even though I drive through the area every once in a while --- I have a desire to walk down the street ---- take my wife with me -- tell her what happened.

Am I just trying to reconfirm that something actually happened? Am I just seeking validation of my experience?

Why do I want to replay the whole thing again (not like I don't do it every day - sometimes all day).

Can anyone help me understand?

I just did the "go back to the scene of the crime" thing myself a few weeks ago.

I've definitely been needing to have some kind of outside "no you didn't just make the whole thing up" kind of external, independent validation lately - just not getting it from the justice system yet, and I feel like the people who "believe" me are going to walk away from that belief soon, and I'll be all alone, so, at least in MY case , I'd say that that trip back definitely has to do with "reconfirmation."

I understand,

We need to process what happened to us, and there are many ways to do this-doing it SAFELY is important.

(I like the idea of bringing your wife along, but I would check it out with your T or close friends who know your story.)

For me, my mother still lives in the house where the abuse took place-and a lot of my memories of it are still buried, although enough has resurfaced that it bothers me.

Interestingly enough, my wife would complain that for the 14 years before the memories surfaced, I would "disappear" emotionally and physically when I was at that house-it's like some f***in ghost story.

Lately, I've uncovered some porn my brother/perp had when he lived there (1978), as well as some of my dad's porn-both are dead (2009, 2007 respectively), and this stuff still haunts the place.

I've done some smudging to help dispel the place, and REALLY need to take care of myself around visiting, especially making sure my strong, adult self is in charge and protecting the 9 year old who shuts down from all the terror of what happened.

Builders,

I have not looked at it that way and I find your de>

Sobernow,

I have the same need, even though I am about to be divorced my wife and I remain close, but I want to bring her and my family there for something, maybe they will understand more, maybe they will believe more maybe they will get a small inkling of what it did to me and be more open to understanding why I am me.

Thanks for your reply, it makes me feel like I am not the only one with these feelings.

My love, honor and respect,

Kutcher