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#333020 - 06/05/10 04:41 PM Abused
nevragan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/22/08
Posts: 907
Loc: NC
Abused:
It popped into my mind. I know I'm a survivor but still feel abused. It has affected my whole life. When will I out grow it? When will I get to point of not feeling this way? I don't feel normal. Everyday is a struggle to find a peace of mind. Some days are worse than others. When can I get to a point where I can set this back on the shelf so I can live life again? I know life isn't a free ride nor do I expect it. I feel like I'm on a journey to find all the scattered pieces of me. Maybe I just expect too much and should lower my standards. I don't know. Just makes me wonder about recovery some times. Maybe the answers will become clearer as time goes on.


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#333025 - 06/05/10 05:05 PM Re: Abused [Re: nevragan]
Casmir213 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/09
Posts: 844
Loc: Northeast, USA
nevragan,

I would imagine that the feeling on being abused that you're talking about is related to what Ron (moderator) talks about when he says that abuse changes the wiring of our brains. It makes sense when you think about it. If we as survivors walk around with a feeling of always being abused (which is also the case with me), whether we actually are currently being abused or not, there has to be some underlying brain activity causing this feeling, rather than it being the result of our immediate environment. I'd saying have this knowledge of the how abuse changes the brain is a large part of how one recovers from abuse. With this knowledge it is understood that it will take time to change such things as how the brain is wired and functions.

The good news is that the wiring of our brains can be changed in time. It may take longer than we expect it to take though, but I have a strong belief (based on what I've read about therapy/mindfulness breathing/research on neuro- plasticity) that we can make such deep biologically rooted changes to our brains. These changes will no doubt correspond with changes in how we feel, think, and act. You have touched upon an issue that keeps coming up for me and other suvivors of abuse that I've read here at MS.

We desperately want to make progress and sometimes to put the past behind us once and for all. When you have knowledge of how abuse impacts the very structure and functioning of our brains, you can maybe understand better the necessity to keep at recovery and healing in order to undue those changes. It can be done. To reinforce this belief, I suggest reading up on the subject. A good book to get you started is one that Ron recommended to me, and which has helped me in my recovery, and that is "Being A Brain Wise Therapist" by Bonnie Badenoch.

Take care,

Rocco

_________________________
I see recovery as a lifelong journey rather than a final destination, a journey, though, which can have many successes along the way.

WoR Alumnus - Hope Springs, OH, October 2009

My avatar is the farmhouse at the Hope Spring, OH WoR. It's a nice place.

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#333039 - 06/05/10 07:05 PM Re: Abused [Re: Casmir213]
nevragan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/22/08
Posts: 907
Loc: NC
I'll check out the book by Bonnie. Thanks for the info.
Andy.


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#333042 - 06/05/10 07:31 PM Re: Abused [Re: nevragan]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
"I know I'm a survivor but still feel abused."

What does but still feel abused mean?
Do you mean you are still feeling the pain of the abuse?
Or do you fail to function effectively in daily life and when you get the short end of the stick feel like you've been abused?
Or is it something else?

Here's a website I found. I'm not sure it's going to work for me I'm an odd Duck but it may help you.
http://www.getoversexualabuse.com/introduction.html



Edited by kidneythis (06/05/10 07:32 PM)
_________________________
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

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#333044 - 06/05/10 07:52 PM Re: Abused [Re: kidneythis]
nevragan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/22/08
Posts: 907
Loc: NC
I guess when I'm feeling abused I'm refering to feeling like I'm damaged goods. I do feel the pain of the abuse. It reminds me daily. It invades my space. Not sure, I'm having trouble describing what is going on at the moment. I know it just really hurts.


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#333045 - 06/05/10 07:57 PM Re: Abused [Re: nevragan]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
Well I understand not being able to describe it beyiond it hurts and it sucks. It usually gets harder when someone asks me to as well so I was half worried when I posted the questions.

For me its an ache that's always there no matter how good or bad I feel otherwise. I'm able to function somewhat by just hiding my personal crap but I still feel it and having to hide it makes me feel phony to boot. Its a kind of dissociation that I started to use as a kid. So I can be present for something while preventing the pain from taking me over. .

Does that link look like anything worthwhile to you?



Edited by kidneythis (06/05/10 08:00 PM)
_________________________
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

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#333088 - 06/06/10 12:53 PM Re: Abused [Re: kidneythis]
nevragan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/22/08
Posts: 907
Loc: NC
I read through some of the link you sent. There is some good stuff in there. I used to journal a lot but haven't lately. May have to start up again. Yesterday was a bad day all together. I went through some rough stuff in the day prior. The good part is that today is much better. Again, thanks for the tidbit of info. Anything at this point helps.


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#333157 - 06/06/10 11:53 PM Re: Abused [Re: nevragan]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6709
Loc: USA
I think the abuse trauma gets imprinted on our inner brain, the amygdala. Once it is there it keeps giving us signals that we are traumatized and that we should expect trauma. But since the trauma has ceased, these signals are no longer appropriate. But we don't have conscious access to these deep areas of our brain, so we can't control those types of signals. It may be that EMDR helps. EMDR certainly helped me.

Allen

pufferfish whistle


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