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#332306 - 05/27/10 11:18 PM I haven't forgiven Jesus (Possible Triggers)
earlybird Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/10
Posts: 1007
Loc: WA USA
Flaccid God

Have I forgiven Jesus?
I’m told he was lying by my side
When to me they did this!
Where in His teachings?
Tell me what did I miss?
Why was he flaccid?
Where was his Holiness?
No, I have to say for Him,
I carry no forgiveness.
The All Powerful & Loving, choosing impotence?
Either He does not exist
Or worst yet He displayed,
The most evil form of complicitness.


Sounds angry but I’m not. Just another point of view. Earlybird




Edited by earlybird (05/28/10 08:43 AM)
_________________________
Balanced (My goal)

There is symmetry
In self-reflection
Life exemplified
Grace personified

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#332311 - 05/27/10 11:47 PM Re: I haven't forgiven Jesus (Possible Triggers) [Re: earlybird]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
i love the concept early. flaccid god. this is a significant poem and it addresses an important question that has been raised here in another thread called 'where was god' [sorry i can't find it].

warm regards,

ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#332317 - 05/28/10 01:29 AM Re: I haven't forgiven Jesus (Possible Triggers) [Re: Sans Logos]
earlybird Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/10
Posts: 1007
Loc: WA USA
Thank-you Ron,

You know I always respect your opinion even when it's from the other side of the fence. Your thoughts do make me stop and think.

Your warm regards were felt, Earlybird

_________________________
Balanced (My goal)

There is symmetry
In self-reflection
Life exemplified
Grace personified

Top
#332366 - 05/28/10 01:52 PM Re: I haven't forgiven Jesus (Possible Triggers) [Re: earlybird]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2452
Loc: TEXAS
Hi, my Sequoia brother.

Yes, Earlybird, i often wonder where he was then & his mother.
(Catholic boy).

But, i often say to myself, if my earthly "mother" didn't give a hoot for "her" son.

Then how could i ever expect my heavenly one to?

I am wishy-washy about believeing in a God.

That post came from the depths of your soul.

Hopefully some day we will get the peace & serenity that we so richly deserve.

Heal well my Sequoia brother, heal well.

Pete..Irishmoose.

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#332442 - 05/29/10 12:16 AM Re: I haven't forgiven Jesus (Possible Triggers) [Re: petercorbett]
earlybird Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/10
Posts: 1007
Loc: WA USA
Thanks Pete for recognizing that I even have a soul. :-)

As always you are kind and warm. Sharing a room with you at WoR was a wonderful and meaningful event for me. Thanks for your always healing words.

_________________________
Balanced (My goal)

There is symmetry
In self-reflection
Life exemplified
Grace personified

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#332448 - 05/29/10 01:41 AM Re: I haven't forgiven Jesus (**Definite Triggers) [Re: Sans Logos]
Lenz Offline


Registered: 04/23/10
Posts: 61
Loc: San Francisco
Sans & Early,

Pardon me if I don't 'love the concept' so much. For me, Earlybird's post reveals a pathetic paradox which itself makes the betrayal that ‘lay beside it’ (metaphorically speaking) all the more hideous and real.

The pedophilic feelings and actions of a priest ought not (after-all) be so hard to believe, but rather facile. Is it really such a paradigm shift that some innumerable quantity of God's children have been similarly traumatized by such unforgiving collisions of sense and decency?

The ginger-ale & red wine sacrament from my youth? The invitation where I would have been confirmed (without my parent's approval) under the names of the Apostles? The 2 oz bottle of water (and was it holy water) with the child-safety protection cap? I had my baptism in Barbasol.

These impressions will be with me forever. They are hideous, real, and beneath my freedom to think, feel, or believe anything otherwise. To see the cross this way creates a very original paradox, mind you, and its 'concept', the 'idea' connected to it, is about as base a thing as carbon.

To avoid the following complicated trigger below, which I will share here in trust, remember that it is only an illustration. When I am in so much pain that I cannot see, this phone number makes me laugh, and returns me to my anger.

#1-800-CALL GOD (1-800-225-5463)

Lenz




Edited by Lenz (05/29/10 01:45 AM)

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#332468 - 05/29/10 09:04 AM Re: I haven't forgiven Jesus (**Definite Triggers) [Re: Lenz]
earlybird Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/10
Posts: 1007
Loc: WA USA
Lenz,

Part of me is sorry that my poem may have caused some distress but I would be less than honest if I were to say that it wasn’t written to cause a little discomfort, for it was. I believe it’s important to keep front and center that when people write things such as “Early be comforted by the fact that Jesus was lying beside you as you were being raped and was raped along with you” as it was said to me, doesn’t always help the listener. (Though I believe it was meant to) In fact it might just raise the listener’s frustration and confusion, as it did with me. It is equally important that if the religious group is going to be posting about how powerful, loving, and in control of all circumstance God is, then they need to be prepared for a challenge to His lack (flaccid) response to things such as child sexual assault and adult rape. They may be right and God is in control but then I, along with some others, just might have the right to be a little pissed off at Him and ask the legitimate question: “Where were you?”

Is that so wrong of me? Am I only allowed to speak of God when I feel better about Him? Does that mean I’m attacking people of faith? In my book no, it only means there is some bitterness mixed in the brew of faith. To deny its taste is to deny the experiences of the injured.

So yes, I wrote this to unsettle the comfortable to give room for those who need comforting. But Lenz please know I respect and admire your thoughts, words, and intentions. And as hard as this may seem to believe, I admire and respect those of faith and the love they show their God. If I didn’t I wouldn’t waste my time trying to understand them and their love of a God that I felt and feel so abandoned by.

Why is that so hard for some to understand?



Edited by earlybird (05/29/10 09:48 AM)
_________________________
Balanced (My goal)

There is symmetry
In self-reflection
Life exemplified
Grace personified

Top
#332728 - 06/01/10 11:49 PM Re: I haven't forgiven Jesus (**Definite Triggers) [Re: earlybird]
nltsaved Offline


Registered: 08/26/08
Posts: 855
Loc: Kc,Mo
i think it is wonderful to ask questions . i have all ways wondered why people say ohh do not question god, but if you do not ask questions how do you ever expect to get the answers you seek from him lol lol

_________________________
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-uYCAfpxrY
TRIGGER WARNING
Video of me telling my story
you are not alone never were
WRITTEN FORM
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=339159#Post339159
Why i hate Religion but love Jesus
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IAhDGYlpqY

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#332748 - 06/02/10 08:34 AM Re: I haven't forgiven Jesus (**Definite Triggers) [Re: nltsaved]
earlybird Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/10
Posts: 1007
Loc: WA USA
Nitsaved, you forgot to capitalize the "G" even I do that!!! (Just in case) Thanks

_________________________
Balanced (My goal)

There is symmetry
In self-reflection
Life exemplified
Grace personified

Top
#332969 - 06/05/10 03:22 AM Pieta (**Definite Triggers) [Re: earlybird]
Lenz Offline


Registered: 04/23/10
Posts: 61
Loc: San Francisco
Ms,

To forgive Jesus, does that forgive the man who took away two hours of my life, cracking my individual in two? How could I ever wear such a cloak of innocence after that crack, like a hammer falling, which separated me from my self? For what will faith prove when even perfect things are mute, and pain can reach such a pitch that eternal life seems flimsy, surreal, makes life out to be nothing more than a dream, as it seems? And dreams themselves (even of heaven & hell) aren't they only part of dreaming?

This may seem to be said more for the readers of this thread, than with any one specifically, but want to say out of complete respect for those whose faith IS intact, that I would think that a real chance is missed, and an understanding unfortunatlely avoided if you hear these questions as an attack on one faith or another, or on faith itself. How can one take the quest out of a question, or the faith out of a quest?

The question is a faith of its own.

Remember that my own complaints about C. are to the existential paradox that result from a from my abuse, documented and real. There should be no parade for those of us, like me, in so much purgatory, except for my own ghostly body that I have come to inhabit, and wander through, only to remind me of that defilement.

What body is this that I speak from? And what voice is this that is yours and mine? Whose healing is this that I bow over like a sick man for 28 years of my life? Can we not can call it a congregation, those who are here to heal from some kind (and we know what kind) of metaphysical vandalism?

Lenz




Edited by Lenz (06/06/10 09:39 PM)

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