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#332809 - 06/02/10 06:50 PM This is how the outreach went....
ItStopsHereNow Offline


Registered: 01/29/10
Posts: 2
Loc: Nevada
Sort of an introduction and report combined. I talked with some of you in the chat room and told you about the outreach that I was going to do. Well I did it and you can get information about it at my website www.ISHNOW.ORG. Moderator- if it is not okay to refer to the website please go ahead and pull this. If you think this belongs somewhere else in the forum, please move it. All- this is not solicitation for donations- I already paid the $5,000 to do this project. I'm writing this as an example of something I did which was therapeutic and hopefully helped prevent abuse or got it reported. I talked with over 400 parents.


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#332824 - 06/02/10 09:57 PM Re: This is how the outreach went.... [Re: ItStopsHereNow]
king tut Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2465
Loc: UK
Impressive work.

One thing, however, that strike me, is that although obviously your scheme is directed at parents, as far as i see, most abuse occurs in the home or by close family.

"The goal is to inspire parents to talk with their children to assure that their kids are not being molested and to help them become a survivor of the abuse if they are."

As a survivor of abuse from within the home this is just something that is apparent to me, and i am sure other people who come across your website may be struck by the same fact.

Indeed what you are doing could help many people to overcome and disclose their abuse, but a change in wording may help others not to feel helpless in their quest of disclosure. Because that is the danger.

Indeed, one must always be careful to be balanced in these things. I remember that when my teachers were concerned about me, they asked me if everything was okay at home, of course i said yes, and then they asked my parents! of course they said yes. It is just an example of how this absence of realisation can put people into a more helpless situation. To educate it is important to push the fact that this does largely occur in the home. Ignoring or leaving out that fact is a dangerous message.

I listened to your "one conversation" audio. My feeling is that perhaps in your conversations more practical advice could come across (maybe you have that in one of the pamphlets you gave out). Information, such as a booklet on "how to talk to your children about sexual abuse/dangers" would be useful. You talk about the parents responsibility to get their children to trust them (and must be careful not to make them feel bad if their children didn't talk to them and if they were abused-kids hide the abuse for many reasons), and list some of the people that could abuse their kids, including this unregistrered sex offender in the area, and you do mention it could be from within the family.

But you do stress a lot the word "parents" when getting help- such as in the part where you say-

No matter what, you want that child to come to the parent to get help”.

Just something to watch out for, especially if a child is in earshot of your conversation- because that would be a difficult message for him/her to deal with.

Lewis



_________________________
"...until lambs become lions"

I love you, little lewis, and i will never leave you. We are the same. You brighten my day, and i will make sure that i brighten yours. Hugs and kisses.


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#332827 - 06/02/10 10:23 PM Re: This is how the outreach went.... [Re: king tut]
king tut Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2465
Loc: UK
I also came across this in your text 5-25 (I haven't had chance to look over all of them, but i clicked on this one at random). This is one of your texts about your mission to make parents aware of abuse.



"It was another very good day. This time we were at Amazing Grace Christian school and I think that we were able to talk to, or at least give the literature to, 80% of the parents that were dropping off or picking up kids.

I’d like to reiterate a couple of things for the parents at Amazing Grace as I notice there are plans for upcoming curriculum related to child abuse. Please make sure you get and view the DVD “What do I say now”. The Committee for Children provided me with a copy when I was discussing my outreach plans with them and it is a great tool that only takes 30 minutes to view. Regardless of the curriculum and teaching that comes forward, please remember that the most important bond and protection is the child/parent relationship. Please do not let anyone else be responsible for your kids’ safety; don’t believe that because they were taught in a class or sent home with papers that they are pedophile proof’d. Have that quality, full attention, sit-down, discussion with them so that they know regardless of what a pedophile tells them or threatens them with, they can come to you and you will be available for them and to protect them."



I know i, as a survivor of abuse from within the family, am probably reading into this too much. But it is so so important to be careful with wording. I make mistakes too, but this part of the entry that i have highlighted is really an "ouch" moment right there. I just cringed because it completely ignores the fact that so much abuse is caused by the parents. What i highlighted there could even imply that an abused child would have a duty not to tell on his parents for abusing him- that is why i say about wording.

I am not having a go at you or picking on you, like i said i am just sensitive to wording. But other than that good job.

But further to your text, i also think it is important for people, as a society, to take care and interest in the safety of other peoples children, contrary to what you say, because otherwise abuse will continue to take place in the home, and society will continue to turn their backs. It is very much a group effort. At the same time, of course, i agree that parents must take their responsibilities seriously and educate themselves about the dangers out there.

Lewis

_________________________
"...until lambs become lions"

I love you, little lewis, and i will never leave you. We are the same. You brighten my day, and i will make sure that i brighten yours. Hugs and kisses.


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#332889 - 06/03/10 07:13 PM Re: This is how the outreach went.... [Re: king tut]
ItStopsHereNow Offline


Registered: 01/29/10
Posts: 2
Loc: Nevada
You are right on the money, KingTut. As I was talking to parents or grandparents and looking into their eyes I wondered (even as I was describing the parental bond) about the possibility of the parent being the perpetrator. I feel for you that what should have been your safety net was your abuser. Although not a biological family member, my abuser, had become "one of the family" and took on a role as a surrogate parent. I don't really know if there is a way around it and I hope statistically that assuming parents are a safe haven will do more good than being concerned that they are not.

Some of the specifics that are said or written have to do with the somewhat hidden fact that I was in the immediate vicinity of the pedophile that had molested us. Without calling him out I needed to urge people around us that there could be danger. I even spoke with his family members while I was there.

Thanks for your feedback and I hope your healing continues. I'm sorry that the wording was a bit of a trigger- I can imagine as I recalled people saying how great the pedophile was as a person when I knew the truth about what he really was. Today, he is still being seen as a pillar of the community.


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