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#332703 - 06/01/10 02:34 PM asking yourself why
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1251
Loc: kansas
have any of you guys, after learning things from others on this site to help you in your recovery and/or learned things from your t, ask yourself why didn't i do this sooner?

i've been doing pretty good here lately,. some of you in chat over the weekend got a taste of my goofiness. the thought, however, crossed my mind today that i've learned so much, have made great strides in my recovery, why oh why did i not start on my journey to recovery sooner...????...????

todd

_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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#332711 - 06/01/10 05:23 PM Re: asking yourself why [Re: Obi]
james 1959 Offline


Registered: 02/17/10
Posts: 283
Todd ive i felt the same for a period of time, and asked the same question to myself why have i left it so long.

On the other hand theres a time and a place for everything in life.

From my own personal expierance to date i have come to accept that there were other issuse in my life that came along and they had to be dealt with first.

But now was right time in my life to deal with csa. I also think you have to be ready to take the first steps towards recovery but that will be diffrent for each person depending on their own personal circumstances and what they have to deal with in life .

I dnt regret not dealing with csa sooner, i just felt the time was right for me and i was ready to reach out.

I am a diffrent man than i was six months ago, experiencing new feelings that i have never felt in my life before. One was my wife and i celebrated 31 years of marriage last Saturday but at the same time it felt like the first for me, as i felt a entirely diffrent person inside i was someone that knew and understood myself and events in my life more, giant steps for me in my recovery.

Im realy pleased and glad that you to are making good progress with your recovery to date well done and keep up the fight

James

_________________________
We are brothers on a journey,and companions on the road
We are here to help each other share the burden and the Load

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#332720 - 06/01/10 08:34 PM Re: asking yourself why [Re: Obi]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
hmm I have often said this to myself for other things I "should've" changed sooner.

Yes if I'd only have just stopped being so stubborn, so this, so that, I would be further along. But the fact is I didn't stop being or doing this or that until I was able to. And that is the long and short of it.
We do what we can when we can. I think you started as soon as you could.
Don't waste any time you don't have to feeling bad about the when of it. I'm glad you're here now.

_________________________
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

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#332732 - 06/02/10 12:26 AM Re: asking yourself why [Re: kidneythis]
ericc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/04/08
Posts: 1955
Todd,

I've spent many times thinking about this, so much so I was wasting more time. I guess better than never, and I might not have been ready before. I do understand how it can hurt though when you realize how much all that past suffering was in vain. Actually though, I don't think it was in vain. It helped us gain better understanding and clarity. Something like that. I'm just glad to hear you are doing better.

Eric


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#332734 - 06/02/10 01:32 AM Re: asking yourself why [Re: Obi]
Charlie24 Offline


Registered: 09/28/08
Posts: 562
Hey Todd,

I gotta echo the other comments here. I've spent hours obsessing to death why I didn't do this, didn't do that, why, why, why?

Where did it get me? Just more wasted time that could have been spent more productively.

I sometimes wonder if this is just part of being a human being. How much we can think, the complexity of humans? At times its so surreal being a human being.

Just my thoughts.

Charlie


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#332742 - 06/02/10 04:49 AM Re: asking yourself why [Re: Charlie24]
TheBobcatAgain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/10
Posts: 493
Loc: AZ, U.S.A.
Todd,

I think I read in "Victims No Longer" that, statistically, men really start working on their abuse recoveries around the age of 40. Obviously, some men here are exceptions to that rule. But I think Mike Lew hinted in his book that, before age 40 or so, men feel they can handle it on their own, or felt that they weren't mature enough to deal with the issues of recovery, such as taking a really honest look at yourself and your problems.

I would also like to add that you probably didn't know there were services available to assist you in your recovery. I sure didn't until 6 months ago. And until that time, I still didn't know that what happened to me was even abuse, let alone that I might need meds and/or therapy and support to help me deal with my issues. Society has not been very...helpful to male victims in our pasts, to put it lightly. That's why MS is here. smile

Like others have said before me, I'm just glad to be here now. I'm glad that you are here now, too, my buddy.

Your loving brother,

Bobcat


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#332752 - 06/02/10 09:26 AM Re: asking yourself why [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
ericc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/04/08
Posts: 1955
Todd,

This morning I had another thought related to this. There is this story/parable I heard once that seems to fit in an odd way. It goes something like this:

There is a guy who has a leaky faucet. He tries to fix it but just can't. So he calls up a plumber to come over and see what he can do. The plumber shows up and five minutes later the faucet is fixed. The plumber says "That will be $100.00." To that the guy replies, "$100.00 for five minutes of work?" To which the plumber states "Yes, but it took me twenty years to get to where I could fix that in five minutes."

I guess what I was thinking here is that maybe all that time spent before we got into active recovery and were ready to really deal with it all was preparation for the dealing with it. I often look back and wonder if in fact how it might have been different if I dealt with it earlier. Not sure; I might not have been ready. Also, I believe the general therapeutic community is only starting to better understand and accept the ramification of male sexual abuse. Maybe we are helping pave the way for other that unfortunately will need the same help. I still believe better now than never. Glad you are here.

Eric


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#332756 - 06/02/10 10:45 AM Re: asking yourself why [Re: ericc]
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1251
Loc: kansas
thanks guys for the input....

i don't know if i was upset, sad, disappointed or if it was more of a statement...

just seemed like everything is going well right now, been doing some reflecting and wondered the "what if"....

however, everyone had kind words of support, great stories and reflections themselves and for ALL OF THIS, i'm eternally grateful! THANKS!!!

todd

_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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