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#332559 - 05/30/10 02:55 PM I'll never grow up.
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2433
Loc: TEXAS
My fraternal brothers.

I, am the keeper of little Pete.

I have been entrusted with his heart, soul, pain & shame.

Over this last year May 15 '09 to this very day, that lost little boy, has taught me his courage, he has taught me about ME.

He, came to me, when he thought that the big guy could handle it.
He, came to me, with the pledge that I would lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunlight, forever into eternity.

Despite spending thousands of dollars in therapy, a weekend locked up in a mental health ward and three weekends of recovery's, that i would have brought him out from those depths
of darkness, into the sunshine.
To become the "man" that he is supposed to be.

For, this morning, at a restaurant, where every Sunday I go to eat before attending church. I had taken him backwards. The big guy was triggered by something that he thought he had overcome. There was a family that had come in, and they sat at a table next to where i was sitting. There was a mom, dad & 2 boys about 8 years old. While they were waiting for their order to be brought to their table. One of the boys went over to his dad & sat on his lap, all the while the dad was rubbing his hair & telling him that he loved him. And one could see that the boy was rubbing his dad's shoulder. Then the second boy came and did the same, however by this time the food was brought to the table. Instead of the dad pushing the boy away, not wanting the food to get cold, he did the same for son #2.

Then i thought about my 2 boys (grandsons) 9 & 10, in Germany who will be coming to see grandpa, in July. Who had to leave the loves of his life, in order to take care of little Pete, as little Pete had bonded with his 2 boys, and he would never have gotten out of his lost childhood.

Well by this time i was tearing up, a few tears were flooding my eyes, as i could not see the food under my nose. I was going back to that lost hurt boy. Feeling bad that where was that affection for him?

I tried my best to tell little Pete that we would talk about this later. But i just sat there crying inside, hoping that they wouldn't see my tears. I could not get this out of my mind. But, when i get emotionally charged like that, my ears will turn almost bright red. Damn near would glow in the dark.

So, it seems like big Pete hasn't taken little Pete out from those depths of darkness. Maybe big Pete still wants to be a little boy, all over again.

"I will take that lost boys hand, and i will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunshine forever, into eternity."

Maybe i'm not just "man" enough.

Heal well my brothers, heal well.

Pete..Irishmoose.

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#332560 - 05/30/10 03:07 PM Re: I'll never grow up. [Re: petercorbett]
Geeders Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/03/08
Posts: 1901
Loc: Peterborough, Ontario, Canada
Oh, you're "man" enough Pete. Sure you are!

Just think...how many "feelings" are contained in this post? How many feelings, that two years ago you couldn't see, experience, realize, and yes feel for what they are. Emotions. Not even a year ago you had trouble crying. And now?

It takes a strong man to admit what he needs to learn how to do Pete. And you are learning so well. Yeah, its painful at times. But that is part of being human, and experienceing this human condition called "feelings".

No its not peaches and cream all the time. But its better then not feeling. Isn't it?

Love ya bro!

Jim

_________________________
My name is Jim
WoR Mysthaven 2008, Level 2 WoR Alta 2009, Kirkridge 2010, 2011, Oprah 200 men

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