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#33246 - 06/04/02 10:42 AM Getting the story out
gords Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 05/24/02
Posts: 7
Loc: Ontario Canada
I am new to this whole bulliten board business so please excuse me if I do anything incorrectly. I am a male victim who has not quite made it to the survivor stage yet. I am almost ready to tell my story to the world but I have not yet told my children (aged 14 and 11 both girls) what happened to me. I am afraid that if I start telling my story it will get back to them and they will be mad that I did not tell them myself.

How do I tell them? When is the best time? How will they react? How much do I tell them? These are just a few of the questions that I have. If anyone can help and give some guidance it would be greatly appreciated.


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#33247 - 06/04/02 12:38 PM Re: Getting the story out
James_dup1 Offline


Registered: 04/13/02
Posts: 1332
Loc: Wyoming
Hi....Im sorry that u need this sight. As for telling your girls I wish I had some wisdom to give you but I dont. My wife told my kids when I had to go to the hospital, she didnt tell any gory details just told them "matter of fact". Then when they come to me I try my best to answer the questions they have. It's not easy to talk to anyone about my abuse......EXPECILY....my kids. I hope this helps, and good luck.
James

_________________________
I have more issues than Rolling Stone!


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#33248 - 06/04/02 04:30 PM Re: Getting the story out
Anonymous
Unregistered


I'd advise against telling them,gords. Wait'll they're more mature. Like in their 20s. Right now they're just kids. They don't need the mental baggage.


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#33249 - 06/04/02 05:28 PM Re: Getting the story out
gords Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 05/24/02
Posts: 7
Loc: Ontario Canada
thanks James. i have been lucky. I have been able to hide it from the girls for quite a while. Unfortunatley I somtimes take out my pain and anger on them and yell and expect too much of them. Maybe if they knew it would help them to understand. i am not sure about Tinfoil's reponse. I do not want them to find out from someone else.
I somtimes wonder if I desrve to feel the way that I do. When I hear other stories it saddens me that so many people have gone through hell and yet I haven't been in a hospital over this, taken drugs or resorted to alcohol. Am I lucky? I think that maybe if I had I would be believed more that this actually happened. As it is now, the people that I have told can't believe that this has happened because I have hidden it so well and turned out "all right" as they see it. I have never tried to commit suicide and I do not think it is an answer. I don't want HIM to win.
I am so confused at times that I do not know what to do or where to turn.


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#33250 - 06/04/02 06:17 PM Re: Getting the story out
Anonymous
Unregistered


Hi gords. If you tell your daughters you might not get the reaction you want. Maybe they'll sympathize with you. Or they could view you as a threatening fucked up freak. Probably the latter.
I've seen a lot of posts like your's at survivor sites over the years. Always the same. There's an adult male,he's got little girl daughters and asks other members at the site if he should spring his alleged molestation-experience on them. If you're really a father and these are your biological preteen & teen daughters are you REALLY going to drop this in their laps? Why in hell would you make your problems their problems? Wait'll your daughters are 35 years old. Tell them then. They'll be capable of putting it in perspective.


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#33251 - 06/04/02 06:52 PM Re: Getting the story out
Stephen_5 Offline
BoD Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/00
Posts: 667
Loc: Northern California Foothills
gords,

What good would it do for your daughters to know that you were abused? With both of my daughters I've always thought that bringing them up to be strong, independent individuals who could protect themselves would help them and hopefully keep them from being abused themselves. I've got a pretty good dialog with my younger teenage daughter but all I've told her is that I had a rough childhood/adolescense and left it at that. I did tell my oldest daughter when she was about 25 or so. I only told her then because my wife and I were having a lot of problems at the time and I felt that I had to explain myself to her. She hasn't mentioned it since that day and I never went in to any depth with her about it. Both of my daughters know that I'm seeing a therapist. Kids are very perceptive, they probably know that something is really bothering you. If you give them the barest information that you had some problems when you were younger and that you are dealing with them now, that might be enough to satisfy their curiosity for now. The knowledge that a parent was abused is a heavy burden to place on a young person and to my way of thinking there is nothing that they could do to help or to change things.

Steve

_________________________
I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center.
Kurt Vonnegut (1922-2007)

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#33252 - 06/04/02 07:12 PM Re: Getting the story out
goflyakiteV Offline
Member

Registered: 05/24/01
Posts: 66
Loc: n.a.
HI GORDS....GLAD THAT YOU FOUND THIS SITE, BUT SAD YOU NEED IT. I'M 54 AND A SURVIVOR OF QUITE A FEW ABUSERS WHEN I WAS JUST A LAD. I DO AGREE WITH TINFOIL, YOU SHOULDN'T TELL YOUR DAUGHTERS YET! THEY WILL HAVE HARDLY RECOLETION OF WHAT YOU HAD TOLD THEM WHEN THEY ARE THAT YOUNG.

HOWEVER, IF YOU WAIT UNTIL THEY HAVE AN ADULT REASONING, THEY WILL UNDERSTAND, AND HAVE READ AND HEARD, ABOUT THIS AWFUL SUBJECT AND WILL HAVE A EASIER TIME COMPREHENDING YOUR UNFORTUNATE ABUSE.

DON'T LET YOURSELF FEEL THAT IF YOU DON'T TELL THEM, SOMEONE ELSE MIGHT. SO WHAT!! IF AND WHEN THAT HAPPENS, THEN YOU COULD TELL THEM AS MUCH AS THEIR IMMATURE MINDS COULD ABSORB.BUT IF YOU TELL THEM NOW, I FEEL YOU COULD COMPROMISE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM. BELIEVE, THEY WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND RIGHT NOW. THEY MIGHT EVEN FEEL HOSTILE TOWARDS YOU. YOU REMEMBER HOW YOU FELT AS A KID, WHEN YOU HEARD SOMETHING ABOUT SOMEONE,AND DIDN'T UNDERSTAND. REMEMBER HOW YOU TOOK THE "OTHER GUYS" SIDE? THINK BACK....

DON'T DESTROY YOUR 'FATHERLY GOODNESS" WITH STORIES THAT COULD POSSIBLY GIVE THEM NIGHTMARES AND PAIN FOR YOU. AFTERALL, LITTLE GIRLS CHERISH THERE DADS AND THIS WILL BE A VERY PAINFUL THING YOU ARE ABOUT TO TELL THEM, FOR ALL FOUR OF YOU!

I HAVE A 30 YEAR DAUGHTER AND A 3 YEAR OLD GRAND DAUGHTER, AND I HAD TO TELL HER ABOUT THE ABUSE I WENT THRU. IT TOOK ME ALL MOST A MONTH BEFORE WE COULD TALK ABOUT IT OR EVEN TALK PERIOD!

WHEN WE FINALLY TALKED IN A MONTH, SHE WAS SHOCKED, HORRIFIED AND HURT ASKING WHY I DIDN'T TELL HER SOONER. DO YOU KNOW WHAT SHE SAID THEN>>>>>? "I KNOW NOW WHY YOU DIDN'T TELL ME SOONER: I WOULDN'T HAVE UNDERSTOOD!" " THANKS FOR KEEPING MY CHILDHOOD WHOLESOME!!"

GORDS, THIS IS YOUR DESITION. YOU AND YOUR WIFE. I ONLY TOLD YOU WHAT I WENT THRU. I'M GLAD I WAITED.

GOOD LUCK GORDS< I REALLY MEAN IT!

SLEEP WELL TONIGHT.....SCOT


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#33253 - 06/04/02 07:14 PM Re: Getting the story out
Anonymous
Unregistered


It's rough enough just telling adults of the childhood molestation you endured. During the mid 80s I lived in Idledale,Colorado. It's a little dipshit town in the Rockies out in the middle of nowhere. I told a couple that lived next door to my cabin on Bear Creek what had happened to me. The Wife responded with stern facial expression "Can I trust you around my kids?". Tinfoil responded as nicely as possible. But I was thinking "Hey fuck you you dumb bitch". I got shot in the foot at age 15 with a .22 Long Rifle slug. The aftermath hurt like holy hell. I did'nt grow up thinking it'd be cool to blast someone. Same goes for childhood molestation. It's not something you'd want to repeat on others. All the politically correct artsy fartsy bullshit we're seeing nowadays about child victims somehow automatically evolving into adult predators is crap.


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#33254 - 06/04/02 07:21 PM Re: Getting the story out
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
Hi Gords I can tell you that it never easey to tell you kids but think it must be done to help you relationship with them. Kids can tell that you are going through bad times and it,s better you tell them now. My girl was 12 back in the early 90,s when all this shit about the Chruch started hitting the papers, I didn.t tell my wife or daughter just keep it all in . Many times I would take my shit out on them for no reason. Sounds like you are doing that same thing. Don,t let them think you are an asshole for no Reason, tell them what is going on deep inside and they will understand, and support you. My girl got to the point of hating me . If I could do it over I for sure would of told her 10 years ago rather than 4 weeks ago. Don,t tell them all the facts but let them know what your pain is about, Be sure to tell them both at the same time and some where that you feel safe at. They love you and will feel you pain which is much better then them wondering why you so messed up. Sounds like you have your life together in other ways, your not a drugie or alcie , and this would be great start at taken back your life. Muldoon

_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

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#33255 - 06/04/02 07:28 PM Re: Getting the story out
orodo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/15/02
Posts: 735
Loc: Imladris, The Safe Haven of Ar...
I have three boys, aged 11, 9 and 5. I have thought long and hard about telling them about my abuse. I've talked to my wife about this, and we agree that this is not the right time. If for some reason, I end up public with it (my perpetrator is an ex-priest, and lives in my hometown) I will tell them some very basic stuff, before they hear about it from their friends or their friends parents. Until then, I am very overprotective of them, I know the who, what, where, when, how, and why about most everything they are up do and especially the who part. They have asked me why I am so sad when they caught me crying one night. I simply explained to them that Daddy was feeling really sad right then, but I would be ok after a good night's sleep, which they should get for themselves too. They hugged me and asked me to read them a story before bed. The next day came, and they didn't remember a thing. I have enough trouble dealing with this luggage (I might lose it for a while, but it always catches up to me) I don't need to dump it on the kids. It's my luggage, I'll be fine carrying it alone for now, and if I need help, I'll ask my wife, or my Mom, both of whom I am very grateful (they support me 100%, so far...) Stay well, be well.

_________________________
It is better to be Dragon Master than Dragon Slayer. Some Dragons are meant to be mastered, others meant to be slain. Odin, Great Spirit, God, grant me the wisdom to know the difference. "May the Valar guide and bless you on your path under the sky"

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#33256 - 06/04/02 07:33 PM Re: Getting the story out
Anonymous
Unregistered


It's important for an individual to ascertain whether he wants to lay his story on his son or daughter to benefit the kid or himself. There's a difference.


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#33257 - 06/04/02 07:53 PM Re: Getting the story out
Anonymous
Unregistered


A trustworthy person to ask about what's been posted here is Julie Posey. I'd trust her with my life. She'll give good advice.
http://www.pedowatch.org/pedowatch/press.htm


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#33258 - 06/04/02 07:54 PM Re: Getting the story out
goflyakiteV Offline
Member

Registered: 05/24/01
Posts: 66
Loc: n.a.
....AND IT IS JUST AS IMPORTANT TO ASCERTAIN IF THOSE "CHILDREN" COULD POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND WHAT THE HECH GORDS WOULD BE TRYING TO TELL THEM!NO CHILD SHOULD BE TOLD THAT KIND OF INFO! IN THIS CASE, IT WOULD BE DETRIMENTLE!

THINK ABOUT IT, RATIONALLY!!!

ORODO IS RIGHT, WHEN HE SAID 'TELL THEM YOU JUST FEEL BAD AND YOU WILL FEEL BETTER IN THE AM'.

WHY TORTURE THE YOUNG WITH THINGS LIKE THAT?

THEN WE ARE ECCENTIALLY DOING THE SAME THINGS TO THEM THAT HAVE BEEN DONE TO US......OMLY THAT WE WERE PHYSICALLY ABUSED!!!

DON'T MAKE THEM SAD..THEY WILL HAVE PLENTY OF THAT STUFF WHEN THEY GROW UP!


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#33259 - 06/04/02 07:57 PM Re: Getting the story out
goflyakiteV Offline
Member

Registered: 05/24/01
Posts: 66
Loc: n.a.
GORDS...WHO KNOWS YOUR CHILDREN BETTER THAN YOU AND YOUR WIFE?

LET THEM REMAIN INNOCENT. ...DON'T LET THEM BARE YOUR SORROWS. NOT YET...WAIT!


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#33260 - 06/04/02 08:20 PM Re: Getting the story out
Anonymous
Unregistered


I'll be banned from NOMSV as I have at other survivor sites for saying this. Survivor sites attract not only survivors but a shitload of predators. The predators post wierd bullshit scenarios and get off on the response. Makes them feel superior. Predators,pedos & boylovers,get their rocks off thinking themselves superior to their victims. They post bullshit at survivor sites and laughingly masturbate to the responses. These are gutless pathetic little fucks. They hide in cyberspace playing their little games. They go to survivor sites and fuck with the victims. They think you're stupid. They've got you tagged as having been molested once you're vulnerable to being fucked again. In the real world should you and one of these sick fucks meet face to face you'd backhand him and he'd start whimpering for his mommy. These guys are only brave hiding behind their computers.


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#33261 - 06/04/02 08:34 PM Re: Getting the story out
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Gords
I'm glad I dont have your dillema although I do have a similar one.
My parents are well in their 80's and know nothing about the abuse I suffered at boarding school. I've taken the decision not to tell them, my mother is in the early stages of dementia and my dad can barely cope, so I think it would destroy them. The only problem is that it leaves things open ended for me. When they're gone there will be so many unanswered questions that I will have to deal with. But that's my problem.
It's not the same as your problem I know, but I mention it because I think you must be the one to tell them, or their mother. I keep my history pretty discreet so word doesn't get back to my parents, which is also very hard. To hear rumours and gossip from strangers can't be the right way for loved ones to hear such news.
But it's hard not to agree with the other guys who say leave it a while until they understand better.
The choice is a rock and a hard place, but girls that age can surprise you sometimes.
Maybe you'll just know when the moment is right. I hope so.
Lloydy

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#33262 - 06/04/02 08:47 PM Re: Getting the story out
James_dup1 Offline


Registered: 04/13/02
Posts: 1332
Loc: Wyoming
Ofcourse you know your girls better than any of us do. For me it was hard to hide from my kids, daddy went to the hospital. Now keep in mind I have never told them any gory details. I guess I take the same approch as talking to any kid about sex....give them as much info as they want. I think it would be much better hearing it from you or mom. I understand totaly about the yelling and getting mad, I do the same thing. Just remember it is your disicion you know your kids. And remember you are not alone with this. We are all brothers here.
James

_________________________
I have more issues than Rolling Stone!


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#33263 - 06/04/02 09:15 PM Re: Getting the story out
Anonymous
Unregistered


Hi Lloydy. My mother came down with breast cancer at age 80 in 1993. I returned to the family house,nursed her thru it all. A month before she died we sat in the huge livingroom of our old family ranch house with it's magnificant beamed redwood ceiling structure,drinking gin & tonics. Mom said to me,drunk "Did I really masturbate you?". She was looking for forgiveness. I replied "Yes you did,mom". Silence ensued for awhile. Then she responded with voice filled with vitriol like a housecat spitting "Well if I did I'm sorry". And so 1958 to 1993 comes to comes to exactly 35 years. Thirty five years of living in Hell and I get this response. It was'nt much. But it was something. Mom died on September 4th,1994. I inherited the $500,000 dollar property. For months afterward doors would open and slam shut of their own accord. Mom was still here. One day after a door suddenly opened,no wind present,I said loudly "You're dead,mom. Go to ****ing hell. **** you for what you did to me". That ended the doors opening & closing. She's gone now. I have not physically touched another human ever since 1994. The hurt has ended.


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#33264 - 06/05/02 07:15 AM Re: Getting the story out
Lightfang Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/26/00
Posts: 102
Loc: Minnesota
Gordy,
I can understand your wanting them to hear it from you and not off the street. I faced a simular delema. It is nothing for me to have a couple survivor books sitting on my desk, or a few by my bed, or where ever so I am able to read when I get the chance. My 8 year old daughter saw the title of one of my books and asked me what it meant. How I expalined is something like this. I let her know that I didn't want her reading any of the books. she knows that there are stories in them that are meant for adults only. And I asked her if she remembers our talk about strangers and bad people, and what those bad people do to sometimes young children. She answered yes. I explained that the reason I have always acted very protective over her when it came to other people is that when I was a young boy things happened to me that weren't right. and that even though now things are going well, I still read about abuse and work hard to protect others, because it is the right thing to do.
I believe no one knows your children better than you. You are able to say if they are mature enough to handle some information. details maybe not but I feel as soon as they are old enough to understand and not feel bad about it. I would let them know, just enough so they know why you feel the way you do, not enough to get them scared.

_________________________
"Please love and protect all children, they are the future of us all!!"

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#33265 - 06/05/02 09:59 AM Re: Getting the story out
gords Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 05/24/02
Posts: 7
Loc: Ontario Canada
Thanks guys for all of your input. Although I am still unsure of what to do I think I'll wait for awhile. I do know my kids best and I believe that they can handle it but i am thinking now that maybe they don't need to know.
My therapist say I am still having trouble with authority. I am always looking for someone else to make the hard decisions for me. I couldn't even make up my mind about calling the CAS on my abuser to ensure his son was safe. (My therapist made that decision for me). I guess I am in the dilema again; wishing that someone would make the decision for me. It is a hard thing to do. Thinking that I have have the ability to make decisions. I still feel that I am a child and need permission to do anything.
Anyway thanks for all the advice. For now I am going to wait. Who needs to hear what happened to me? Who would really care?
Gords


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#33266 - 06/05/02 02:58 PM Re: Getting the story out
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
Couldn,t get much sleep last night, after writing my post and reading all the others, my mind was full. All I could think about was what if our parents had told us about the dangers of sexual abuse and the importants of coming forward with the facts if it happens to us. We need to prepare our kids for the big nasty world out there.I agree with Lightfang & Still 12 tell them only the basics.If you sit down and begin talking to them about the dangers of abuse and what to do if it happens to them, then you can tell them about your abuse. Now is the time,at 11 & 14 they have a full understanding of GOOD & EVIL, and have each other for surport.

_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

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#33267 - 06/05/02 05:44 PM Re: Getting the story out
Just Call me J Offline
Member

Registered: 07/14/01
Posts: 204
Loc: Inland Empire, California
Anytime you have to talk about the difficult subjects with kids, it's best to stick to the absolute basics, then encourage them to ask if they have any questions. Answer those questions honestly, and directly. Most times, a kid will be satisfied, even if you feel that they need to know more. Don't overload them, but never make them feel you're hiding something from them.

One of my friends was telling me about how she explained such difficult subjects as pregnancy and rape to her 8 year old. And she was astonished how her daughter went from asking "So how does the sperm get to the egg?" to "Oh. Can I go out and play now?"

I still remember when we talked about staying away from strangers in school, and the ensuing discussion at home. I wonder if things might have been different if those talks ever allowed the possibility that someone in the family could do the same things. I think that my own memories were pretty well blocked out at that time. As far as I'm aware, whatever abuse I might have had was over by the time this came up in school.

However, I was about 14, when I asked my mom, what was wrong. My great-uncle had just died, we were getting ready to go to the funeral, but my mom was acting strange, even for someone in the family dying. I had seen a few books on the coffee table about being surviving abuse in the previous weeks, so I put the pieces together already. I was glad she told me, but I have never felt as much hatred for a person, as I had that day in the church. Everyone was talking in glowing praises about a man, that my mom had told me "liked to touch little girls."

In the ensuing years, I've learned more about the extent of the sexual abuse within my family. I don't like the culture of silence about it. Everyone knows about it, but no one talks about it, except in hushed tones, in private. However, my aunt never let my (girl) cousin be alone with the great-uncle that abused my mom. At least actions WERE taken to protect other members of the family in my generation.

Unfortunately, no one was really aware of my grandfather. He, apparently, had a thing for little boys. Based upon my uncle's experiences, my brother's highly sexualized behavior, and my own dim and sketchy memories, I think we had another perp within the family, besides the great uncle.

So, to sum up, I agree with what Still12 had to say. It is your choice, Gords, since you know your kids best. Just give them the basics, and answer any questions they have in a way they can understand. They don't have to get the whole story in one sit-down. Best of luck to you Gords.

We're in this together.

Jeremy

_________________________
We're in this together. - Nine Inch Nails

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#33268 - 06/06/02 01:44 AM Re: Getting the story out
babs Offline
Member

Registered: 07/20/01
Posts: 59
Loc: Cub Hill, MD
gords & orodo --

I'm the wife of Getteddie. We have a 13 YO daughter. Eddie's SA memories surfaced about 2 years ago when she was 11 which happened to coincide with his age when the SA started. Just by living in the same household as a SA survivor & his supportive, but stressed-out wife has exposed her to such a wide range of emotion (some healthy, some not) these last 2 years. She would have had to have been made of stone to be oblivious to the situation.

I guess I'm just going to restate what others have been saying in this thread.

** Children are more perceptive than we adults are willing to admit.

** NO child should ever have to know the horrors of SA. Not first-hand like yourselves or second-hand by hearing the details of their parents experiences.

** Children DO NEED the reassurance that some of the great ANGER & SADNESS that they see in their parents IS NOT THEIR FAULT!!!!

** The simple explanation that some 'very bad things happened to Daddy when he was young' can go along way to provide that reassurance.

In our case it has also helped to explain our sometimes extremely overprotective behavior to budding teenager. 'It is not that we don't trust you, it is that we don't trust the rest of the world'. So far she has been willing to cut us some slack. As she moves into her high school years I hope we can both (1) keep the parent to child conversation going and (2) learn to give our butterfly space to spread her wings.

Babs


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#33269 - 06/06/02 11:22 AM Re: Getting the story out
gords Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 05/24/02
Posts: 7
Loc: Ontario Canada
Still 12
I am sorry that you have that guilt about not telling your son. It makes me rethink about not telling my girls. I still carry some of the shame and guilt over my abuse and I don't think that I could handle the extra guilt if my kids are abused and I didn't tell them how to defend themselves. They have a right to know how to defend themselves . If I don't tell them who will?
Damn this life can be so difficult.


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#33270 - 06/06/02 01:32 PM Re: Getting the story out
SoCalJohn Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 05/18/01
Posts: 510
Loc: Los Angeles, California
Gords,

I have four kids, girl 14, boy 7, girl 7 and boy 5.

I have told only the 14 year old, in age appropriate language, that i was physically and sexually abused. The subject has come up as she has been faced with classmates getting abused or class assigments on the sbuject or news reports and her own questions about why i see a therapist etc. etc. She has only been told in the most general terms that i was abused by my stepfather.

The little ones know that i dont get along very well with my mom. The subject has usually come up with the little ones when they ask how come they dont see there grandma very often and why do i sometimes get mad when we are there and pack everyone up and leave early.

The little ones have been told nothing more than dad had a tough time growing up and got hurt a lot as a kid and grandma did not do a very good job of protecting good old dad when he was little and dad sometimes still gets mad about that.

The guideline i have followed is that i answer the question they are asking and leave it at that. When the kids ask how come we cant stay overnight at grandmas, i answer that i dont think grandma is very good at taking care of little kids and mom and i are not comfortable leaving them with her overnight. end of story. if they have additional questions, they will ask.

I have to echo that no one knows your kids better than you and your wife and the decision is entirely yours. I think the there is nothing wrong with sharing the truth about who you are in age apporpriate ways. If your looking for clues about whether to say anything or not, i can tell you i have never brought the subject up on my own with my daughter, i dont feel any need to disclose anything to her, and certainly not to embroil her in any of my issues in that area. There have been opportunities to have discussions about abuse just discussing her day at school or watching the news, reading the paper and so on. When those discussions do arise i make no issue about the fact that i was abused, i put it out there matter of factly and without any drama and it is just another piece of information about life for her to complete her picture of the world with.

I just want to say that i think your sensativity and concern for your own daughters will guide you to an answer that is right for you and your family.

John

_________________________
I asked him about this law he spoke of, he said,,, *watch* he then asked the others to share about their lives,,, the others talked of how things were for them, how things worked in their lives,,, and as they believed, it was so.

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#33271 - 12/05/02 06:07 AM Re: Getting the story out
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
This is such a great post from the past just had to get some new words on it. Muldoon

_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

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#33272 - 12/05/02 09:44 AM Re: Getting the story out
crackerjack Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 11/14/02
Posts: 5
Loc: massachusetts
Muldoon, Thank You for re-posting this - it helps me to read all of these answers/responses surrounding the issue....it also brings forth feelings of saddness and unease - I believe in my heart that my son was a victim of SA - 13 years old now - although he is in counselling, he hasn't made any steps in the direction of discussion about it in these 2 yrs of therapy....I know that he will, eventually.


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#33273 - 12/06/02 05:25 AM Re: Getting the story out
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
Crackerjack
I am sadden by the fact that your son may have been abused. It does my heart good to know that your son is getting the help with Therapy. Just the fact that Kids get help is one big step forward from our days.

Keep us posted as to any progress . Muldoon

_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

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