I just wanted to post a little note here for the guys to read.

I've been reading your stories, your concerns, your words of encouragement to eachother and it has touched me deeply.

I believe my bf needs a place like this to share. I told him I joined and sent him the link without saying anything more than 'here's the link'.

I don't know if he will join. I'd like to know how you guys came upon the website. Obviously, the men here are not all at the same point in their recovery yet somehow found their way here. (and I find that amazing, by the way)

What made you post? Did it take a long time before you were able to write and interact with others?

To the men whose companions are also active here, how did it start? Any bumps in the road because of it? Any good surprises?

If my bf only reads what's here and finds anything that will help him, I will be very happy even if I never know about it. On the other hand, I wouldn't want my presence here to be a barrier to his joining or interacting with you guys. Am I over-analyzing ?

Thank you to all that will respond!

Pattycakes

No Pattycakes, I don’t believe you are over-analyzing. These are very fair questions to be asking yourself. You may find that if your bf decides to join MS he may prefer you were not here, at least in the beginning. Don’t take it personal, it’s difficult for many of us to discuss our feelings towards our rape/abuse in plain sight of a woman. Don’t misunderstand, I’m glad you are here and encourage you to continue. It’s helpful for some of us to hear the issues our wives and girlfriends must go through as a result of our violation. Thanks for sharing.

You asked how others came to this site. I thought I’d let you know who found this for me as an encouragement to yourself. My wife found this site. When she suggested I take a look I turned her down. She waited a week or two then approached it with me again. I, with some trepidation, agreed and have been here now for aprox four months. So my advice, be gentle and don’t give up. Remember though it has to be on his terms and on his time table. His abuser stole that from him so we all have to be careful not to do that to each other. Earlybird

P.S. sorry you have reason for being here and I’m deeply impressed you are.

Earlybird,

thank you. I did give him the link without any comment. I believe he will at least take a look but I don't expect him to keep me posted about it right away.

I am sorry too for having a reason to be here and I'M impressed with the men who are.

Thank you for your input, I hope others will throw in their two cents.

Pattycakes

Pattycakes,

I am gonna put my two cents in..(I like that expression).
I want to echo earlybird and say that I hate for you to need us, But I am glad you found us and I am impressed as well.

I first heard of this site in a book, "Beyond Betrayal" by Richard Gartner. I was dubious at first, so I asked my therapist and he said I should look at it and see if I felt safe.I did, and right off the bat, I discovered I was not alone so I signed up. Two weeks later, I became a dues paying member. I have to say it is going to be tough getting him here if he isn't willing, but don't push, just let him see you are willing to support him. Like earlybird said:

Hope this is helpful,
Gary

Thank you Gary,

I'm impressed to learn that this site is endorsed by an author. This only confirms what I'm thinking: truly helpful website.

Thanks again Gary for posting and for your PMs

Pattycakes

I forgot to mention, the author of "Beyond Betrayal" is a member of this site, as well as a past president of the site...here is the link.
Gartner
Regards,
Gary

Pattycakes.

Well, if your boy friend decides to give MS a try, here is what i will offer him.

My compassion, understanding & love, as a fraternal brother, in pain & shame.

I happened on to this site, from the Veterans Administration health care site, purely by accident...Or from a higher power.

I'm 71 years old, i have been dealing with this, since the 1st of August '08.

If it wasn't for another fraternal brother here, whom had taken me under his wing (mentoring) me, i probably wouldn't be here on this earth.

Sure hope that your bf, comes around, and he is lucky to have someone like you.

I wish him well on his road to recovery.

"I will take that lost boys hand, and i will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunshine, forever into eternity."

Pete..Irishmoose.

Hello Pete,

thank you for sharing. I've asked this question in order to try and create the best possible context for my b/f to come here but I'm glad to see that there are many ways to end up here... in this warm and safe place.

I appreciate all answers. Thank you also for your kind words about me. It isn't always easy and I take your words as an addition to his love.

Warmest regards,
Pattycakes

Hi Pattycakes,

I wanted to share my thoughts on this topic. I joined because I wanted to find other people who get me. In the world at times it can seem so damn cold from the people but here the guys get me and understand me.

It's helpful to have answers immediately from the guys who can help me understand myself better.

I think it can be a great supplement for recovery.

Charlie

Thank you Charlie!

I believe it would be good for him to at least read about what the men here have to say. Even as an anonymous viewer. I'm crossing my fingers with the hope that he will find something/anything here that will help him.

I would love for him to feel surrounded by people who, as you put it, get him.

So, thank you for taking the time to add your thoughts on this topic. It means the world to me!

Sincerely,
Pattycakes