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#332250 - 05/27/10 09:04 AM Questions to the men of this wonderful community
Pattycakes Offline


Registered: 05/23/10
Posts: 109
Loc: Canada
I just wanted to post a little note here for the guys to read.

I've been reading your stories, your concerns, your words of encouragement to eachother and it has touched me deeply.

I believe my bf needs a place like this to share. I told him I joined and sent him the link without saying anything more than 'here's the link'.

I don't know if he will join. I'd like to know how you guys came upon the website. Obviously, the men here are not all at the same point in their recovery yet somehow found their way here. (and I find that amazing, by the way)

What made you post? Did it take a long time before you were able to write and interact with others?

To the men whose companions are also active here, how did it start? Any bumps in the road because of it? Any good surprises?

If my bf only reads what's here and finds anything that will help him, I will be very happy even if I never know about it. On the other hand, I wouldn't want my presence here to be a barrier to his joining or interacting with you guys. Am I over-analyzing ?

Thank you to all that will respond!

Pattycakes

_________________________
If you judge people, you have no time to love them.-Mother Theresa




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#332251 - 05/27/10 09:25 AM Re: Questions to the men of this wonderful community [Re: Pattycakes]
earlybird Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/10
Posts: 1007
Loc: WA USA
No Pattycakes, I donít believe you are over-analyzing. These are very fair questions to be asking yourself. You may find that if your bf decides to join MS he may prefer you were not here, at least in the beginning. Donít take it personal, itís difficult for many of us to discuss our feelings towards our rape/abuse in plain sight of a woman. Donít misunderstand, Iím glad you are here and encourage you to continue. Itís helpful for some of us to hear the issues our wives and girlfriends must go through as a result of our violation. Thanks for sharing.

You asked how others came to this site. I thought Iíd let you know who found this for me as an encouragement to yourself. My wife found this site. When she suggested I take a look I turned her down. She waited a week or two then approached it with me again. I, with some trepidation, agreed and have been here now for aprox four months. So my advice, be gentle and donít give up. Remember though it has to be on his terms and on his time table. His abuser stole that from him so we all have to be careful not to do that to each other. Earlybird

P.S. sorry you have reason for being here and Iím deeply impressed you are.

_________________________
Balanced (My goal)

There is symmetry
In self-reflection
Life exemplified
Grace personified

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#332252 - 05/27/10 09:35 AM Re: Questions to the men of this wonderful community [Re: earlybird]
Pattycakes Offline


Registered: 05/23/10
Posts: 109
Loc: Canada
Earlybird,

thank you. I did give him the link without any comment. I believe he will at least take a look but I don't expect him to keep me posted about it right away.

I am sorry too for having a reason to be here and I'M impressed with the men who are.

Thank you for your input, I hope others will throw in their two cents.

Pattycakes

_________________________
If you judge people, you have no time to love them.-Mother Theresa




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#332258 - 05/27/10 01:45 PM Re: Questions to the men of this wonderful community [Re: Pattycakes]
caesar14 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/13/10
Posts: 70
Loc: Patterson, North Carolina
Pattycakes,

I am gonna put my two cents in..(I like that expression).
I want to echo earlybird and say that I hate for you to need us, But I am glad you found us and I am impressed as well.

I first heard of this site in a book, "Beyond Betrayal" by Richard Gartner. I was dubious at first, so I asked my therapist and he said I should look at it and see if I felt safe.I did, and right off the bat, I discovered I was not alone so I signed up. Two weeks later, I became a dues paying member. I have to say it is going to be tough getting him here if he isn't willing, but don't push, just let him see you are willing to support him. Like earlybird said:
Quote:
Remember though it has to be on his terms and on his time table. His abuser stole that from him so we all have to be careful not to do that to each other. Earlybird


Hope this is helpful,
Gary

_________________________
caesar14
"The innocence you spoiled has found a way to live"
Things I have to say (triggers)

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#332265 - 05/27/10 04:08 PM Re: Questions to the men of this wonderful community [Re: caesar14]
Pattycakes Offline


Registered: 05/23/10
Posts: 109
Loc: Canada
Thank you Gary,

I'm impressed to learn that this site is endorsed by an author. This only confirms what I'm thinking: truly helpful website.

Thanks again Gary for posting and for your PMs

Pattycakes

_________________________
If you judge people, you have no time to love them.-Mother Theresa




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#332313 - 05/28/10 12:40 AM Re: Questions to the men of this wonderful community [Re: Pattycakes]
caesar14 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/13/10
Posts: 70
Loc: Patterson, North Carolina
I forgot to mention, the author of "Beyond Betrayal" is a member of this site, as well as a past president of the site...here is the link.
Gartner
Regards,
Gary



Edited by caesar14 (05/28/10 12:41 AM)
_________________________
caesar14
"The innocence you spoiled has found a way to live"
Things I have to say (triggers)

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#332361 - 05/28/10 01:28 PM Re: Questions to the men of this wonderful community [Re: caesar14]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2452
Loc: TEXAS
Pattycakes.

Well, if your boy friend decides to give MS a try, here is what i will offer him.

My compassion, understanding & love, as a fraternal brother, in pain & shame.

I happened on to this site, from the Veterans Administration health care site, purely by accident...Or from a higher power.

I'm 71 years old, i have been dealing with this, since the 1st of August '08.

If it wasn't for another fraternal brother here, whom had taken me under his wing (mentoring) me, i probably wouldn't be here on this earth.

Sure hope that your bf, comes around, and he is lucky to have someone like you.

I wish him well on his road to recovery.

"I will take that lost boys hand, and i will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunshine, forever into eternity."

Pete..Irishmoose.

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#332422 - 05/28/10 09:29 PM Re: Questions to the men of this wonderful community [Re: petercorbett]
Pattycakes Offline


Registered: 05/23/10
Posts: 109
Loc: Canada
Hello Pete,

thank you for sharing. I've asked this question in order to try and create the best possible context for my b/f to come here but I'm glad to see that there are many ways to end up here... in this warm and safe place.

I appreciate all answers. Thank you also for your kind words about me. It isn't always easy and I take your words as an addition to his love.

Warmest regards,
Pattycakes

_________________________
If you judge people, you have no time to love them.-Mother Theresa




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#332428 - 05/28/10 09:45 PM Re: Questions to the men of this wonderful community [Re: Pattycakes]
Charlie24 Offline


Registered: 09/28/08
Posts: 562
Hi Pattycakes,

I wanted to share my thoughts on this topic. I joined because I wanted to find other people who get me. In the world at times it can seem so damn cold from the people but here the guys get me and understand me.

It's helpful to have answers immediately from the guys who can help me understand myself better.

I think it can be a great supplement for recovery.

Charlie


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#332463 - 05/29/10 08:22 AM Re: Questions to the men of this wonderful community [Re: Charlie24]
Pattycakes Offline


Registered: 05/23/10
Posts: 109
Loc: Canada
Thank you Charlie!

I believe it would be good for him to at least read about what the men here have to say. Even as an anonymous viewer. I'm crossing my fingers with the hope that he will find something/anything here that will help him.

I would love for him to feel surrounded by people who, as you put it, get him.

So, thank you for taking the time to add your thoughts on this topic. It means the world to me!

Sincerely,
Pattycakes

_________________________
If you judge people, you have no time to love them.-Mother Theresa




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