Don’t know if this is appropriate to post here but having a hard time and I know it’s going to get worse. I am currently attempting to live porn free, working on my 3rd week as of last Sunday. I know that attempting this in the past has lead me to “acting out”. I have a 4 day weekend coming up from work. I know this is going to be really hard for me. Living alone plus having several days without a lot to do is not good. The few friends that know of my problems who I have been accountable too are going out of town for the holiday. So that makes things worse. I called to see if my T had an appointment open for Friday but she’s not working either. I really am worried that I am going to put myself in a bad situation. Looking for encouraging words from fellow abuse victims……

Tim

tim,

been where you are at and still going through it... it's been several months for me since the last time i looked at porn... i do agree, however, that this upcoming weekend will be tough. like you, i also have a 4 day weekend....

i'm going to try and be on here, and other places, to keep myself occupied and hopefully have support so that i keep myself from going to the x-rated sites...

one thing i'm trying to keep in mind is that if i slip, then i slip.. it's not the end of the world... i pick myself back up, dust myself off and try again...

i agree it's not easy... one step at a time.. one step at a time.

tim, I don't know your finances,lifestyle, etc.. but maybe you should consider unplugging for the weekend. Go out to the lake or the ocean, whatever and rent a cabin, or stay in a hotel. Fish, swim, meet people, listen to music,watch TV,read, dance, hike, sleep all weekend whatever. The point is, do something that won't allow ready access to the internet. Avoiding the near occasion is the best way to fight temptation. Nature is one of the best ways.

Tim,

I did some weird stuff over the weekend that that was clearly acting out and it turned into a bigger mess than I knew I was already getting myself into. It really hit me hard and I had to dig in deep and figure out what was going on. I looked up some of the issues related to sexual addiction and I could relate to a lot of it. In regards to my sexuality I live in a state of shame and guilt. I am scared of healthy intimacy and letting people in. I have built a wall around myself, yet I have a very real need for non-sexual intimacy and closeness with others. But because I can't things get distorted in a real bad way. I am not sure what else to say other than reach out if it gets bad. I am hoping I can remember what happened to me (I really won't be able to forget) and realize for me this behavior is about self-destructiveness and means of perpetuating the original trauma, or at times just trying to numb the trauma. I think it is also a means of numbing all the other feelings and emotions I stuff inside that build up and I don't know how to deal with. Keep reaching out here if things get bad.

Eric

Hi, my brother Tim.

Well it's the Memorial day weekend. Perhaps there are parades or picnicks or BBQ's in your area, to celebrate this solemn holiday.

We, celebrate in remberance all those men & women who have given their lives in service of our country.

But, that will take care of your day time activities.

Another possability, is to come right here to the MS website. We could do like we did for Christmas, come here in chat & just talk and help each other along. You won't be so lonely.

Heck, let me know & i'll come to chat & bat the breeze with you. I'm sure some of our other brothers will be more than glad to help you.

It's pretty hard my brother, i know. I hope that this might be of help to you.

Heal well, my brother Tim, heal well.

"I will take that lost boys hand, and i will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunshine, forever into eternity."

Pete..Irishmoose.

Great ideas, guys.

Tim,

For what it's worth, I just wanted to add an idea that may help you not surf x-rated sites: I'm sure there are many companies that offer internet monitoring...The one I know of is called bsecure.com, which offers for purchase (~$50/yr) an internet monitoring service that blocks these sites and also records your surfing activities. You can set it up so emails containing your surfing history are sent to your accountability friends on a regular basis.

Ed

Thanks guys. Ed I am using bsecure.com now. I think you guys are misunderstanding my problem. There are places I use to go to that I could "get my fix" if thats what you want to call it. One is within 3 miles of where I live. If I have alot of free time, and am not getting my "fix" (porn) I have in the past gave into temptations and gone to these places. Which is worse than looking at the porn in my opinion. This is a problem for me all the time. But a long weekend is worse.

Tim

tim,

i'll do my best to try and hang out here as much as i can if you need to be distracted from getting a fix...

todd

hi wayne.

Bob in okc here. im porn free 9months --- now working on csa stuff.

you can PM me if you need to chat.
or email me on here.

have some things lined up to do this weekend.

Tim,

I am all too familiar to your dilemma. I am a $exaholic and I have been working a program for the past 5 months. Your reference to how porn leads you to worse "acting out" is what I've been living all my life.

Since I'm new to this site, I'm not sure if it is appropriate to share specific information about groups that can help with this particular addiction.

I can speak from experience that the group that I belong to has made a huge difference for me with dealing with this addiction. I have been able to stay $exually sober of almost 5 months now. It provides me the true connection that I need and the tools to help me from continually destroying my life through “acting out”.

I will try to follow up with the monitor to determine if it’s alright to post information about these groups and if so, I will respond again.

I wish you the best with this issue. I know too well how difficult it can be and how it can lead to negative feelings and emotions.

Mario