I speak of having gone through a "recovery phase" of my life, which began when I started remembering child abuse I had experienced. It colored all of my thinking and everything I did. I was getting counseling and reading the right books, etc. but still it went on and on. I guess I experienced a lot of abuse and a bunch of it at a very tender age.
I had bad and repetitious dreams which seem to be diminishing now. The context of some of the dreams was like the maze depicted in one of those pictures. Also, I have seen pictures of ascending stairways which turn about upon themselves so that one never reaches the top. I had dreams like that. I now think they represented a gloomy intractability I saw to life and abuse I had experienced. I guess in retrospect part of what I needed was to revamp that inner thinking of mine which was producing those kinds of dreams. But it has not been easy.
Near the start of that recovery phase, my children lovingly gave me a book of cartoons from the Far Side. Now I laugh at them, and that was my children's intent. But at that time they made me want to cry.
These examples show how our perception of everything is tinged by abuse and how those dark perceptions become so much more intense when we are remembering abuse.
I am not recommending that we not remember abuse. It was through facing it that I finally found freedom and healing. But it had to be dealt with.
Allen
pufferfish
