Newest Members
JLB, MrsC, wraphd, blufish, JPmc
12437 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
carperson (26), Daryoush (59), Gary31 (48), Overburdened78 (33), scaredcrappie (29), ThomasO (63), Wornoutsoul (38), WRR (34), zakwilde005 (45)
Who's Online
1 registered (JW1230), 24 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12437 Members
74 Forums
63846 Topics
445822 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >
Topic Options
#330758 - 05/02/10 08:39 PM Colonoscopy tomorrow
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
Had a bunch of polyps 5 years ago gotts go in. I'm nervous and anxious.
I'll post tomorrow after I get home and eat.

_________________________
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

Top
#331273 - 05/20/10 12:26 PM Re: Colonoscopy tomorrow [Re: kidneythis]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
WOW what a surprise to find the board down when I came back on to tell.
Ok They found polyps again and I have to have another in 5 years again.
I became conscious several times during it and for the next 5-6 days I was different, more angry, more upset and more wrong feeling for no reson. Usually I have an easily explained reason for this. It occured to me that I might have been triggered a bit to reliving some of the humiliation by those times I came out of the drug haze.
Otherwise I cleared up to normal colon function by thursday.
(I had it on a monday)
I got t-boned in my car the following monday and I am still in pain 9 days later. I was/am very anxious and unable to stay still even though I needed to because of docs orders and this made me think of one of the mental tortures used on me to make me hide my injuries as a boy and that was to threaten death, exclusion, or to just beat me and further injure the part injured if I showed any sign of weakness like favoring my injured right hand.
So my idea is that the injury from the wreck triggered this (or possibly this has always been how I am since the conditioning) conditioning unconsciously and my feeling anxious, not being able to sit still, not showing signs of the pain I feel in normal ways like by not moving the injured part or moving it differently than normal as I guess a normally injured person would, are the leftovers of that childhood conditioning. I also have a very hard time describing the pain. I think this is also part of that conditioning.
I've always been like this letting someone know I had an injury always stuck fear even terror in me so I've always hidden any possible outward sign of injury if I could. Making myself seem OK/normal even now with 100% disability is a behavior I cannot break and if I did I wouldn't know how to act anyway. That part of internal development was taken from me.

Harumph, didn't come here to write that but I did.
Thanks for bringing the site back Board. Nice to be here again.









Edited by kidneythis (05/20/10 12:40 PM)
_________________________
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

Top
#331280 - 05/20/10 12:38 PM Re: Colonoscopy tomorrow [Re: kidneythis]
TheBobcatAgain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/10
Posts: 507
Loc: AZ, U.S.A.
kidneythis,

Welcome back, buddy!!! It's good to hear from you again! smile

I think I understand you feeling upset by your recent experiences, since they were triggers relating to your childhood. Just remember, buddy: you might have been conditioned to hide fear and injury, but you are sharing those with us here on this website, and that's a good step forward.

Take good care of yourself, buddy. You're important to us.

Your loving brother,

Bobcat


Top
#331281 - 05/20/10 12:41 PM Re: Colonoscopy tomorrow [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
Hey Bobcat thanks

_________________________
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

Top
#331286 - 05/20/10 12:54 PM Re: Colonoscopy tomorrow [Re: kidneythis]
TheBobcatAgain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/10
Posts: 507
Loc: AZ, U.S.A.
You bet, buddy. smile

Your loving brother,

Bobcat


Top
#331294 - 05/20/10 01:19 PM Re: Colonoscopy tomorrow [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11118
Loc: Denver, CO
kt, I've had a few scopes in the past, so I know about those. Hated them like crazy, but they seemed necessary at the time. Surgery followed, for something with a big long medical title.

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

Top
#331337 - 05/20/10 05:31 PM Re: Colonoscopy tomorrow [Re: kidneythis]
Charlie24 Offline


Registered: 09/28/08
Posts: 562
Kidneythis,

I'm sorry you were in an accident. It sounds like your colonoscopy was successful so that is good news to hear.

I hope your recovering and healing well after your accident.

Charlie.


Top
#331370 - 05/20/10 09:42 PM Re: Colonoscopy tomorrow [Re: Charlie24]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
Thanks Charlie. The car was a total loss and I can't imagine how it is I walked away. I'm very sore and achy and well my trust issues are making doctors nervous. I was anxious and unable to stop myself from moving about manicly for a while. I drove 80+ miles in the first two days after I got the rental and drove around for no good reason everyday for almost 5 days before I finally sat still for a whole day. I'm guessing that was my abuse conditioning making me act like that to hide my state of injury from ? Anyone who might be a potential attacker I guess. (there is no one in my life that I have any fear of attack from thus my connection of this behavior to the childhood abuse. I've always done this sort of thing when injured. Must hide injury, must hide injury, is the unconscious mantra)
I think I need an MRI of my abdomen and they don't. I think they're playing the odds since they cannot know for sure that nothing more than bruising is wrong unless they do one.
I had one try to tell me X-rays are for soft tissue imaging. I must really appear a maroon for people to try so many ridiculous things on me. confused



Edited by kidneythis (05/20/10 09:51 PM)
_________________________
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

Top
#331406 - 05/21/10 01:24 AM Re: Colonoscopy tomorrow [Re: kidneythis]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
kidney,

Those scope things are never pleasant things. My doctor once gave me a complete lower body CAT scan. That wasn't a good idea either. I'm so sorry you got T-boned. That must have been a horrible experience.

p.s. I don't think the cat enjoyed it very mich either. smile frown

Allen

pufferfish whistle





Edited by pufferfish (05/21/10 01:51 AM)
Edit Reason: cat remarks

Top
#331437 - 05/21/10 10:06 AM Re: Colonoscopy tomorrow [Re: pufferfish]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
ha ha ha Allen

I just realized the Chiro cracking my neck monday probably triggered me too. He only did it to the side where the kid who paralyzed me did and in that same sharp motion that broke my neck.
I felt really weird mentally all week until I realized that this morning. He also did something where he said he was balancing me as I stood and walked on my toes and heels but was pulling and pushing really hard on my left injured shoulder with one hand under the arm and one over he was lifting and pulling forward then back on it which has caused me more pain in it this week than I had last week right after the accident. This is reinforcing the mistrustful trigger from the neck thing. sick zoinks
Maybe there was a good reason for it but my balance wasn't that reason he started doing it before he evn explained what he wanted me to do. Do Dr.s intentionally cause pain to see the reaction? How is my tolerance for pain an indication of anything but tolerance? It did hurt I just didn't say anything.



Edited by kidneythis (05/21/10 10:08 AM)
_________________________
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

Top
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >


Moderator:  ModTeam 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.