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#330531 - 05/01/10 10:31 PM Eating Disorder?
Caleb Offline


Registered: 02/08/10
Posts: 33
Loc: Richmond, VA
After my abuse, when I was 28, I was hospitalized due to extreme weight loss. My life felt like it was swirling wildly out of control, like a tornado. What I ate, how much I ate, and what medicine I took was the one thing that I could really take control of.

Throughout most of my married life I was able to maintain a healthy weight and most of the time made the right decisions about my eating. When we first got married we already had a 3 year old and then my wife quickly got pregnant. I think that my hectic life at that time kept me from allowing my weight to get out of control. I had a wife who cooked dinner for me and packed my lunches. With kids, a wife and a busy job... I think that began stuffing the emotions of my abuse and therefore also stuffed the need to control my weight so vigilantly.

In the past year, since my wife passed away, the feelings and behaviors of trying to control my weight has flared up. My weight has gone up and down significantly this year due to my eating habits. I have done a little reading on this subject. Mostly have found things for women, not much out their for men who struggle on this topic.

Anyway, since coming to MS, I have learned that I am not alone in a lot of issue that I struggle with. So, does anyone else struggle with this? Any suggestions?

Thanks guys,
Caleb


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#330541 - 05/01/10 10:46 PM Re: Eating Disorder? [Re: Caleb]
prisonerID Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/08
Posts: 1247
Loc: Oklahoma
Caleb -

It is always heart wrenching to read a similar story to my own but I appreciate your courage in posting this.

I have struggled with food for two decades now. I went through a long time of severe anorexia and then long term bulimia. I still wrestle with both but mostly not eating. My last therapist noted how far I had come but popped my balloon in saying that I needed to do more. My second hospital has a nationally recognized ED program. It was all girls except for me and I really did not go through the full program. Just got the outskirts of it.

I struggle most when my emotions are high and when I feel out of control. I have a lot of food rituals. I can gain three pounds in one day and lose five the next. I eat every day now but have to control and know what is in each bite. I tense up when eating with others and feel the pressure of "eating along to belong". I used to run seven miles per day and never missed even if it was a blizzard and I was sick.

I think I am much better but do see that maybe I could do more in this recovery. You are right that there is little for men. One of the core issues, of course, is self esteem. I feel better when losing weight. Even when I got dangerously low. You need, and this is tough due the secrecy of it all, someone who will call you on it. Not pressure you because that only makes it worse. But someone you can just sit down with and go over how things are with your eating and let them listen to you. The bottled up emotions lead to so much of the disordered eating.

I would be glad to listen anytime. I know the angst of this.


Daryl

_________________________
Broad statements often miss their true mark.

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#330593 - 05/02/10 01:51 AM Re: Eating Disorder? [Re: Caleb]
Charlie24 Offline


Registered: 09/28/08
Posts: 562
Caleb,

my big problem is that I don't eat enough calories. I'm always having my parents nag me on the phone, did you eat enough today. I'm in the minority I don't eat enough calories. Some days I get so stressed out from school that I don't run to food.

They say when someone feels so out of control in their personal life they find something they can control and so often that is food, maybe that is my problem.

I can't even imagine the pain you must be in. I'm sorry you lost your wife and partner.

I wish you well on your recovery.

Charlie.


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#332563 - 05/30/10 04:52 PM Re: Eating Disorder? [Re: Caleb]
jls Offline


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
I don't know if it would be categorized as an eating disorder but I struggle with eating problems too, although it has more to do with substance abuse issues. I drink daily and when I'm drinking I have no desire to eat so I usually go to bed on an empty stomach, which doesn't really matter because if I do eat before bed I inevitably end up throwing it up in the morning anyway. I start my day with a diet of coffee and cigarettes, both of which are stimulants of course that inhibit appetite. I work evenings and usually have something to eat there but not much since it makes me feel sluggish and bloated so the cycle continues with drinking when I get home on a mostly empty stomach. Anyways I've started seeing a new T who specializes not just in csa but also substance abuse and disordered eating so I hoping to make some changes with her. Wish me luck. JS

_________________________
Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.


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#332640 - 05/31/10 10:05 AM Re: Eating Disorder? [Re: Caleb]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
I never consideredd that I have an ED. Hmm I was always thin until 18. In fact at 18 I weighed about 95-100 lbs. By the time I turned 19 I weighed 160+. This was after the first big emotinal upset of my life after my life of abuse stopped at age 15. I was still being mentally abused by my father who fed me up w/o ever remarking to me about how I was getting big. It came as a shock and caused deep deep shame when I realized how big I had gotten. I have gone up and down since then many times. I went down to 135 in basic started a few days before turning 19 and back up to 180+ by the time I turned 28. Down again at age 34 and up again at age 39 with rises and dips smaller in size in between. I was up to 245-260 went down to 205 and back up again and now down to 210. I'm only 5'4".
I think that food is a very effective drug for asuaging pain emotional and physical.

_________________________
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

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#332657 - 05/31/10 04:26 PM Re: Eating Disorder? [Re: kidneythis]
jls Offline


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
I was always thin until I hit my early 30's then I began to spread, so to speak. I suppose this is normal, given that our metabolisms as guys approaching middle age aren't what they were in our teens and 20's. Anyways I could stand to lose a few pounds but at 210 and 6' tall I'm not in horrible shape. Also, with spring here I've been cycling over 10 kms a day to and from work so this excercise should help. JS

_________________________
Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.


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#332660 - 05/31/10 04:59 PM Re: Eating Disorder? [Re: jls]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
Man I am hoping for the day I can ride like that again.

_________________________
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

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#332665 - 05/31/10 08:02 PM Re: Eating Disorder? [Re: kidneythis]
philistine Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/27/09
Posts: 211
Loc: Oregon
I have lost 100 pounds in the last year, and with work gained back 20. I am currently at 170ish (at 6 feet) and am trying to gain 10 more pounds.
I don;t get hungry. I don't eat.
Finally started using a timer. I eat every 4 hours whether hungry or not. I am the healthiest I have ever been in my life, but if I don't hear the timer go off, I don't eat.

_________________________
Mike

"No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself" - Nietzsche

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#337385 - 08/01/10 10:26 AM Re: Eating Disorder? [Re: philistine]
prisonerID Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/08
Posts: 1247
Loc: Oklahoma
Mike -

I advised someone to use a timer and am glad that it is working so well for you. I sometimes set the alarm on my cell phone since during the day I get really busy at work and can skip meals very easily.

I have a set pattern of eating but my last T said it is too set since I am afraid to steer too far from it. I am up to 800 calories each day. But he said that has become ritualistic too. So I got some points given and some points taken away you could say. But along the way is also the binge eating when everything is swirling around me. That hits at night. I had two vivid nightmares recently of being assaulted and that brought on a lot of problem eating patterns since.

I go from starving to the binge time and that brings on lots of guilt and shame. I then do not feel like trying to do anything. That is my struggle right now. I am struggling but so far have avoided laxatives for the most part. Just a couple lapses two months ago.

My best to you all in this struggle.


Daryl

_________________________
Broad statements often miss their true mark.

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