Hi, my fraternal brothers.
Well, my fraternal brothers, one week out from the WoR at Sequoia & 7 months out from the advanced WoR at Alta.
It was at Alta, where this boy/man finally came to terms with his true sexuality, gay.
It was there all my life but still just under the surface. It is in his various posts. It is in Little Pete & big Pete's 69 year journey. Read between the lines. I never had any emotions toward girls/females none-zero.
But tons for males, both sexually & non sexually. For most of my young life i was always in a male dominated environment. Ralph, my primary male perpetrator had me for 6 years. He is the one that gave me more sexual pleasure than the only 2 females that i have had sexual relations with. The orphanage/Home 4 years, the Civil Air Patrol 3 years & the Air Force 22 1/2 years.
Ralph, who little Pete had adopted as his parent(s) had me for 6 years. He loved me & i loved him right up to the WoR at Sequoia.
I have had a few homosexual affairs in the past. There i was in my environment, where all my sexual & emotional pleasures are.
I am still married (separated) by an ocean & continent. But my marriage was a non emotional one from me. In fact when i told my wife that i was leaving, she said to me "So you want to leave me and marry a man." I never ever said anything like that to her in the 37 years that we were married.
What did she see in me? That i didn't see?
Maybe because every time that i see my sons I always gave them a hug & a kiss & told them that i love you?
The same goes for my 2 grandsons, every time that i see them i gave them a hug & kiss & told them that i love you?
But, never had any emotional feelings for her or females in general.
My "mom" was my first sexual aggressor,I was then 5 years old. I became the MAN of the house when I was 8 years old. It lasted until she married a man. I was then 14 years old.
I have been a compulsive masturbater for 60 years. I love myself.
So. after a lot of soul searching, a lot of fears & tears, i am sending to my son & wife a letter saying why i can never return to my wife.
The letter is telling her, that i know that she gave me 100% of her. And i gave her zero. That whatever she might think, none of my sexual orientation is her fault. Like I've said above, she just might have known all along what i was.
A rainbow warrior.
Acceptance or rejection??
So, another step in taking that "lost boys hand, and leading him from the depths of darkness, into the sunshine, forever into eternity."
For, HE is ME.
Heal well my fraternal brothers, heal well.
Edited by petercorbett (04/18/10 05:38 PM)
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.