Having come throught many years of hell not realy knowing who i was and fighting with my self about ssa i was wondering during the recovery period do these feeling for ssa leave you or do you simply have to live and deal with the fealing for ssa. To date my feeling have died down alot i would like to hear from other guys like my self how they have dealt and lived with ssa

Thanks James

James,

For me the answer is yes. I caught a lot of abuse as a child and my mother and father were both goofed up. This led to a lot of quandary as to my own feelings.

But yes, with a lot of counseling and not acting on those feelings, the ssa is down to 5% or so. At this point I feel attraction to female features but I'm too old to run with it.

Allen

pufferfish

*

I won't begin to prescribe or proscribe a course of action for others but for me the SSA became a non issue when I decided to just quit worrying about it. I did that for decades and all I got out of it was shame. Figured I'd try another approach. (see my sig line below)

Do I find myself attracted to guys? Some, but so what? Besides, I've discovers it's the fantasy of the mind that is so appealing to me. I don't find myself jonesin' for my friends and it doesn't mean I have to destroy my family to "try it out" what it's like. At this point in my life I have family and other relationships that I treasure and I prefer to not make a mess of that.

Hear hear ...

I'm a year into recovery. For me, I still find some guys attractive but the sexual arousal and fantasy parts are gone. This has been a huge surprise for me. I thought I'd always be sexually aroused by same sex. I was abused at 7 and then at 14-20 so feeling the ssa was what I always knew from the beginning of puberty. I'm married and my wife and I are enjoying each other better than ever.

Your reply gives me good hope and encouragement for the furture pufferfish thanks for your comments

James

James...

when I think about stuff like this it leads me into this crazy questioning loop...which in the end makes me feel rather psychotic...

I feel that there is possible wisdom in accepting the fact that I don't have to have and perhaps will never have all the answers...

This leads me to pomosexuality...(labels are for soup cans type of thinking)...and moves me away from shame based...rather liberating don't you think...???


My Carousel (Finger Eleven) ~or~ Love The One You're With (Crosby, Stills & Nash)

island

I too have ssa. To be honest, I don't think ssa feeling will ever go away. I think they can become less intense and not very noticeable at times, but I don't think they completely go away.

There have been times where my ssa has been extremely overwhelming, and then there have been times where I barely even notice that I have them, (but I never notice any feelings for womn.)

Anyway, that's what I think.

TW16

I think we are all a little too hard on ourselves. Everyone has some perception of what "hot" is. All of my non-abused friends would be able to say what guys are better looking than others. I mean I am attracted to women all the time, it doesn't mean that it has to be sexual. I would agree that we might allow our looks to linger a bit more, but that is just because our abuse has caused us to be hyper-sexual. I have no problem admitting that I find an athletic guy to be good looking. He is "my type." Why does that have to go away? It isn't like we are trolling behind them trying to get a look down their pants or smell them. So you look, so what? So an image is in your head sometimes during sex with a woman, so what? Why is it some deep dark secret of which we must be ashamed? I say just go with it and be happy. As long as your action fit your life, obligations, and comfort level...don't worry so much about your fantasies. It is true that I may look at a certain type of guy for a minute, but I also think Beyonce' is hot as hell. Maybe we just have the best of both worlds. But that might just be my optimism.