I've never had thoughts about this, haven't fantasized either, but a lot was said that (embarrassingly) made sense to me. I'm here because I had a very short row with my wife last night, and I posted it in the "Survivors of Female Abuse" forum. I got a response from Irishmoose where he heard from his wife something mine had said too: "go marry a man then". I've been fearful of this forum because I feared I would be gay (or wonder "if") if I ever entered.
I just read your other post and responded to it. I did discuss this idea of validation. And no I don't think wives can do it. To me, guys can't do it either. Maybe it's because I'm a musician. I get "validated" when the music comes out OK. But I think that's how life is.
I'm writing also because something Wounded said resonated with me: "It is like I want to put myself in places where I may be abused (validated) again." My post last night was a declaration that I needed to be VALIDATED as a man, like a man, by a man.
You never got validated as a boy. Neither did I. Neither did most of us. Maybe that's what I'm doing now. I'm responding to your thoughts and your emotions and in doing so I'm validating them.
YES YES YES
Could I be getting my old abuse messages confused with my needs for male validation? Or am I (maybe) seeking what "normal" validation was to me, which was in a abusive relationship? This is a little scary to me, but I've got to ask this.
That is what you are doing. You said it. Write this out and put it up on your mirror or somewhere where you can see it every morning.
I don't think I'm alone. I hope I'm not. I'll take any suggestions regarding re-posting this elsewhere (or not). But this subject, actually talking about it, is FREEING. Shame has had its hold on me for too long. This is liberating.
No you're definitely not alone. There are lots of us here who are in the same boat.
Yes get all the old dirty laundry out and we'll wash it and hang it out to dry.
Sorry if this was abrasive.