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#330125 - 04/28/10 04:15 PM Re: Showering in a Men's Locker room [Re: Survivinguy]
sportinrucks Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/01/04
Posts: 422
Loc: Louisiana
dude I hate showering in the locker room. Aggravates me. Always been a pain in the ass.


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#330131 - 04/28/10 04:38 PM Re: Showering in a Men's Locker room [Re: Survivinguy]
just me Offline


Registered: 05/27/09
Posts: 190
Yup great topic,
I, as I suspect most can relate on many levels. IS there really ANYONE who always felt comfortable with the whole 'public shower scene?" I think not!

Imagine my surprise, when they were repairing the boys locker room in High School, and we had to use the girls locker room...THEY HAD SHOWER STALLS WITH CURTAINS!!! Whats with the double standard. Are men SOOO proud that they have to build the showers as one big room??? I'm there are many schools and Y's that are set up this way, private for women and open for men...I don't get it!

But hey, now in my 40's I don't care much, as a kid this was a BIG deal!!!



Edited by just me (04/28/10 04:39 PM)
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#330132 - 04/28/10 04:58 PM Re: Showering in a Men's Locker room [Re: just me]
JustSurviving Offline


Registered: 04/22/10
Posts: 47
Loc: Hell
-------




Edited by JustSurviving (05/21/10 11:45 PM)

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#330198 - 04/29/10 12:00 PM Re: Showering in a Men's Locker room [Re: Survivinguy]
Light of Being Offline


Registered: 04/17/10
Posts: 3
Loc: Hamilton, Ontario Canada
Hello, for me I did absolutely everything I could to not attend any type of gym courses. I had my mother call the school each year to let them know I was not able to take gym classes due to foot problems.

I would have been absolutely devastated to undress and others see all the dark purplish/black bruises from being punished often with a leather belt. I do not think a week had gone by for me to not have any bruises. I was so deeply ashamed. I made sure to wear long sleeve shirts and pants all the time. The shame runs very deep inside me. Having gone through about seven years of therapy, the shame is still there.


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#330201 - 04/29/10 12:30 PM Re: Showering in a Men's Locker room [Re: Survivinguy]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
when i was young, ie, in high school, i did loathe the locker room, public restrooms, being in gym class, and showering afterwards. yuk!

since i started recovery, i still can't stand pee-ing in public and always opt to use a private stall.

regarding being naked in a public arena, i no longer fear that because i now have a stronger sense of self and a lot more of my own personal power [back in high school, i was underweight, 'little' in size, and a late bloomer to boot, so i felt very much diminished in the presence of the peers who were farther along in their personal development].

the only problem i have in being publicly naked now, is a sense of shame at not having what by certain standards would be an attractive physique, and of course, i have average genital size and that is somewhat embarrassing, even still at my age.

oh well .... some things you just can't do anything about ..... oh you could waste a lot of time energy and hard earned money, but sooner or later everything starts to shrivel anyway as you get older!

whistle

warm regards,

ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#330222 - 04/29/10 02:27 PM Re: Showering in a Men's Locker room [Re: Sans Logos]
TJ jeff Offline

Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3354
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
Light of Being,

I know well what you mean of not wanting others to see the bruises (which sadly they did get to see due to a crazy gym teacher who ensured that i showered with the rest of the kids (he even made fun of my himself)) - that was the #1 issue with the gym showers for me (I don't really think that my not wanting to be naked around others as a youth had anything to do with the S/A - it was the physical abuse I was trying to hide...

I know it's hard - but the shame really does belong to the person who physicaly abused you

Welcome to MS Light of Being - I hope that you find great healing through this site

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

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#330334 - 04/30/10 02:39 PM Re: Showering in a Men's Locker room [Re: TJ jeff]
George Offline
Member

Registered: 01/29/01
Posts: 107
Loc: NY metro

In middle school we had to change for gym. I had to be the fastest dresser in the locker room. The showers were avail to use, but no one ever did. Even in H/S no one used the showers for gym class.

Even as an adult I don't like open showers, I wouldn't allow my boys to use them either.


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#330413 - 05/01/10 09:02 AM Re: Showering in a Men's Locker room [Re: George]
Silly Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/21/10
Posts: 140
Loc: Virginia
good topic - thanks

In Jr High - I always tried to be first in/first out of the locker rooms. Never showered even once...

This topic kind of triggered an event for me - as I was reading these posts, I recovered a memory from when I was little kid...The was a place in WV I used to go with the family sometimes...a lake with swimming and pic-nic grounds...a park I guess? Anyways ... there was a changing room and as I was getting into my swim trunks there were a couple of older boys in there trying to check me out...it scared me so I went and found my mom and had to change in the womens changing room. What I find interesting in that was said in another post...double standards - guys room - big and open, gals room - seperate stalls. Why is that?

Anyways...thanks for interesting posts...peace

Shane

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http://seriouslysilly67.blogspot.com/

The Round Table, Men's Sexual Abuse Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#330438 - 05/01/10 01:06 PM Re: Showering in a Men's Locker room [Re: Silly]
TheBobcatAgain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/10
Posts: 490
Loc: AZ, U.S.A.
Yes, this is a good topic.

I have related elsewhere my fear of being naked; even at home alone I only change clothes in the bathroom with the door locked. I can count on two hands the number of times I have been naked elsewhere - and most of those are me skinny-dipping alone in my sister's pool in early morning last summer while I watched her house when she and her family were in D.C. I have also told the story of how I made myself physically sick for the first 3 weeks of high school, because I was absolutely terrified of being naked in a locker room; thankfully, by the time I starting attending gym class, the coach wasn't making the boys take their showers anymore. And I have explained my reasons for my nervousness about nudity - my small, uncircumcized penis is noticeable in a room full of average, circumcized penises. The only time I got up the courage to shower in a locker room, around age 20, I got stared at by other guys. First and last time for that.

It means a GREAT DEAL to me to hear other men say they were scared of being seen naked as kids, teenagers, or even now, as I have been scared of being seen naked my whole life. I guess this sounds awful, but I'm really glad that other men have this problem, too, and are able to share it. Thank you so much, you guys.

I read somewhere about mandating shower stalls in boys' locker rooms, and how contreversial that decision was. Many people against shower stalls in male locker rooms were outraged because they felt that giving boys a chance to shower together and hang out naked with each other was a kind of bonding experience; and as men, we don't have many bonding experiences with each other. There might be some truth to that - the only face-to-face bonding experience I've ever had was the Sequoia WoR last April.

I'm going to put a TRIGGER WARNING here, because I might offend someone with my next statement, but I'm not trying to. It's just a crazy idea that has come into my head.

TRIGGER WARNING!




There's only one way I could feel myself completely at ease being naked in a locker room, and that is this: if the other men in the locker room were you guys. I trust you guys; I know you wouldn't hurt me or ridicule me. In fact, some of you would be just as nervous as I would be. But wouldn't that be an awesome way for those of us who are nervous about public showering to overcome that fear together? It would almost be a bonding experience (shared nudity) on top of a bonding experience (shared brotherhood). I know MS can't do something like that at a WoR, but I wish they could, like in an advanced WoR; for me, it would be the final stage of being accepted fully. Imagine, having a fear of public nudity, but being able to undress in a safe locker room with a bunch of safe guys that you know love you as their brother. There are times when I would truly give a LOT for that chance, that acceptance.




TRIGGER WARNING OVER

Thanks for letting me share, guys. This topic is a big deal to me.

Your loving brother,

Bobcat


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#330730 - 05/02/10 06:57 PM Re: Showering in a Men's Locker room [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
usmc97 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/02/05
Posts: 437
Loc: Colorado
As a kid, things were harder in middle school. I got picked on and embarrassed "enough" by other boys in the locker room. Comments about some of the marks that I tried to hide would come up here and there and tried my best to deflect anything that would give too much information. The other part of things was feeling so far behind in developement, my perps removed body hair since before I knew I had any. Nobody ever talked to me about puberty, I still couldn't say when it actually happened... it was all such a scary time for me.

I was pretty modest up until high school, I guess that's when I was allowed to feel better about myself in a physical sense. I got into athletics and things, the abuse and stuff was behind me. I found myself comfortable with my friends around me and the whole shower thing was just a part of being one of the guys... I felt like a normal guy.

It all transfered into my time in the military where all personal boundaries pretty much stopped existing, for some reason it became even more of a comfort for me. There is some kind of bonding element to being vulnerable and just simply being male in an enviroment which personal space allows for trust of this kind.

For me there is such a big difference between the regular public lockerroom and the ones on military installations. When I'm on base I don't have the fears or the need to be so protective of myself, their is a comradery that makes it safe to be vulnerable. The civilian gyms I still usually have to have a friend with me or someone I've seen around the gym long enough to feel okay around.

I just got back from a men's retreat where the hottub/gym locker room were utilized by nothing but guys from our group, a couple of my closest friends included. It feels akward to shower and change with friends, it also feels so safe being nude with those who know the depths of my hurts with the feeling that they see me as normal... they also know I feel protected by them.

I still don't know how I don't automatically go to fear. It's a wierd embarrassment to feel comforted by my friends being around in these situations. Black and white difference from me at home alone.

.... when it's safe it really becomes such a non-issue.... it's good to feel safe and just be one of the guys.

_________________________
Semper Fi

The statistics? 1 in 4, 1 in 6?
...then there's me the imaginary number

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