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#32988 - 01/03/03 08:59 PM structure
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
I had an interesting talk with my wife tonight about the 4x4 Club that we are both involved with and how it helped me, and two other members, to overcome difficult times.

I've been a member of our club for about 9 years, we drive off road in competitive trials - very severe stuff !
And I stuck with it all the way through the worst of my acting out, realising I was in trouble, disclosing, therapy and I'm still out there destroying 4x4's.

My two friends went through dreadful divorces, lost families and everything they had. One lost a big, successful farm and was reduced to living in his car, the other still lives back with his mother.

All of us were at one time wrecks, about the same time actually - we shared some great horror stories believe me.

It would have been the easiest thing in the world to have given up an expensive and time consuming hobby, but we didn't. And we're all glad of it.
My friend who shares my 4x4 has told me it kept him 'sane' and the other guy has said a similar thing to my wife the other day.

Why did it keep us sane ?
Well I think it was because the sport has a structure that has to be kept, we have to obey the rules, we have to keep our 4x4 within the technical regulations and, most importantly, we have to interact with others.
And we have to do it in what can be a very competitive way, so we have to use our social skills - or what's left of them, although I must admit to telling the Clerk of Course to "f**k off !" more than once !

There's a structure that has to be adhered to there, and that was important to us, it kept us involved with other people, and to a great degree distracted from our problems for a while.

And I think that's important to people in trouble, we should keep contact like that going, and indeed start it if we haven't got it.

It doesn't need to be as extreme as rolling a LandRover down a mountainside, anything will do as long as it has structure to it.
A chess club would be just as good because you have to learn the skills of interacting, or if you have them - keep them.

I don't think solitary hobbies and pastimes have the same effect, I'm also a keen photographer - but that allows me time to wander around on my own. And I know how much trouble that can cause me !

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#32989 - 01/03/03 10:16 PM Re: structure
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Dave, your post makes a lot of good points about the importance of good habits, structure, patterns, boundaries, etc, especially for us survivors, and particularly for someone like me who is OCD (obsessive compulsive).

Thanks for reminding me again to focus on creating good habits & patterns in my life, and accenting the positive!

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#32990 - 01/04/03 03:37 AM Re: structure
Roy Offline
Member

Registered: 08/02/02
Posts: 184
Loc: Los Angeles
That is sure a valuable kernel of wisdom you shared with us here, Dave. I couldn't agree more with what you said. I know I get in the most trouble emotionally when I isolate myself. External structure is so important and why not have fun while you're suffering and struggling. Even through the worst of times, I have always tried to include laughter in my life. Thanks for sharing that.


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#32991 - 01/05/03 02:55 AM Re: structure
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
Dave I agree with you it is good to have structure that has to be kept..
Quote:
There's a structure that has to be adhered to there, and that was important to us, it kept us involved with other people, and to a great degree distracted from our problems for a while.
And I think that's important to people in trouble, we should keep contact like that going, and indeed start it if we haven't got it.
It doesn't need to be as extreme as rolling a LandRover down a mountainside, anything will do as long as it has structure to it.
A chess club would be just as good because you have to learn the skills of interacting, or if you have them - keep them.
Dave I got involved with puplic acess TV production as my way of getting out and working with people. I could pick the projects I wanted to work on. I liked being one of the camera persons because I could hid behind the lense but still be part of the production. Us survivors have a different way of looking at the world and that is a big plus when you are behind the camera lense.
Muldoon

_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

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#32992 - 01/05/03 03:17 AM Re: structure
Sleepy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/08/02
Posts: 288
Loc: Arizona, USA
Dave,
I'm glad you started this thread. Having other outlets for our issues is so important. I recently got back from seeing a friend and it was a great break for me. I realized how involved I've been with dealing with these issues and how I haven't allowed myself to escape them in a constructive manner. Allowing yourself to escape in a productive way is really important. And that is something I need to work on. Although I'm not too sure how to do it. Maybe 4X4's!
mike

_________________________
"It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end."
--Ursula K. Le Guin

"Mental health is a commitment to reality at all times."
--M. Scott Peck

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#32993 - 01/05/03 07:22 AM Re: structure
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Sleepy
I've been off roading in Arizona, Utah and Colorado - man you've got 4x4 heaven there !
Nearly lost it all in near Escalante when we got stuck in the desert, had to be rescued and all that stuff. Taught me a few good lessons !

I's my ambition to retire to the sun somewhere that way. I just love deserts.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#32994 - 01/05/03 11:23 AM Re: structure
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
For starters I need to find some live support group meetings, make some friends to do things with, do more creative writing, begin serious yoga & other relaxation, breathing & exercising, and taking more short but fun trips.

I also hope to get back into playing tennis, and perhaps doing more drumming on my daughter's drum set, and maybe also getting some bongo drums. If my arms & hands can handle it.

Dave, you sound like a serious candidate for the next "Survivor" series!

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#32995 - 01/05/03 01:29 PM Re: structure
Sleepy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/08/02
Posts: 288
Loc: Arizona, USA
Dave,
I've got a Nissan Pathfinder and have done a little off roading. Though, I don't want to roll the thing. If you ever swing through this area again let me know! The Ecalante is awesome! Actually that whole area around Lake Powell is incredible. And who knows, maybe you'll be living here with all the other snowbirds. He he...

_________________________
"It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end."
--Ursula K. Le Guin

"Mental health is a commitment to reality at all times."
--M. Scott Peck

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#32996 - 01/05/03 03:17 PM Re: structure
guy43 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/17/02
Posts: 450
Loc: Minnesota
What a hobby 4x4'ing. I have an awd veeehicccle, don't think it'll ever see the light of dirt.

Victor - just a thought for ya... get one of those small electronic midi drum sets. you could hook it to your pc and play with earphones to your heart's content.

-jer


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#32997 - 01/05/03 05:52 PM Re: structure
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Now there's a thot Jer!

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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