I am realizing this morning how much I struggle with intimidation. There is a certain type of male that seems to be able to push my buttons and I'm become very fearful. When it comes to the fight or flight response, I will always respond with flight with this type of male.

It's hard for me but I need to describe this type of male. He is someone who is a position of authority over me. And this authority is usually because he someone in the church or a religious organization. He is abrupt and sometimes verbally abusive.

Now that I think about it, these men share traits with the kid who abused me. He was very prominent and respected because of his talents. He was obnoxious and abrupt toward a lot of people. Because he was a year older than me, I looked up to him.

What really kills me is that I sang with him for about a year in church (around the time the abuse took place) and I was in choir with him in high school. I'm wondering why I continued to be around him voluntarily when I didn't have to be. And I wonder why I put up with his crap and why I've put up with the crap of others like him.

Does anyone have any advice on how to get past this? I'm sick of being intimidated by this type of guy. I'm sick of giving up control to them. I want to be free from it once and for all.

pk,

It has been awhile since you posted this, you may have already found the answer. Basically, we are drawn to the type of personality that was prominent in our youth, and the abuse makes it seem impossible to draw ourselves away.

There is something about the person we really enjoy, but again the abuse keeps us in their presence way past the point we should be hot footin' it out of their lives.

We will find it in ourselves to be the one we want to hang out with, motivate us, and maybe even be prominent and respect us. Certainly, we will find a friend and a strength inside we are not aware of, and this will be the start of a beautiful relationship.

Yours in recovery,

Sam