It has been awhile since you posted this, you may have already found the answer. Basically, we are drawn to the type of personality that was prominent in our youth, and the abuse makes it seem impossible to draw ourselves away.
There is something about the person we really enjoy, but again the abuse keeps us in their presence way past the point we should be hot footin' it out of their lives.
We will find it in ourselves to be the one we want to hang out with, motivate us, and maybe even be prominent and respect us. Certainly, we will find a friend and a strength inside we are not aware of, and this will be the start of a beautiful relationship.
Yours in recovery,