Lots to think about. I usually acted out my SSA in gay porn. VEry specific. Always masculine. Never twiniks. I'm 50 and married. And happily so. The guilt though has been hurtful and teh shame that somehow I'm broken. But i've been reading that this is a defense to overpower the male perp and give ma a feeling of strength. I did act out, but that was years ago and hurt my wife deeply. IF you an avoid, please do.
I don't believe the porn is a long term solution. And I do agree that healthy relationships with a wide variety of men is especailly helping me to see myself differently.
If I let go of the shameful image of myself, what would I replace it with? A healthy one. With Mast for pleasure, not power. and intimacy with my wife.
I tned to agree the more I move away from porn, and just either have fantasies or not. It doens't really matter. It just it. It's doesnt' have to be fixed. It just is. My reaction to it? I would like it to be "non event".
Also, I haven't thought of the hypocrisy of women who talk about men, but think its' so wrong if men do it. I grew up in a household like that. But, I didn't think about it. It was supporting women who were oppressed by men. Just like me. I didn't realize it could be shaming me. From both sides. From men and from women. WOW.
I'ts thorny. But I appreciate the opinions and have learned a lot. I hope to get to the it doesn't matter point. We're all OKAY just the way we are.
I'm a good person. I'm a good man. I'm a postive force and I will not be shamed.