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#32939 - 05/31/02 08:28 PM Re: What should I do?????
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
MrDon
Like I say, maybe the silent treatment isn't for everyone, and I don't know if my therapist uses this technique for everyone.
If he doesn't then I guess he's a very perceptive person who can sense what works for whoever is sat opposite him.
I think I held out for about 15 minutes one night before I cracked, but when I did.. oh boy did I get rid of a crock of shit ?
I was so lucky that we bonded in the first session and soon developed a deep trust, which we still have. But it's hard to say whether I would have gone elsewhere if I hadn't, how would I have known if he was useless ? I still dont I suppose, but he seems ok to me.
Lloydy

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Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#32940 - 05/31/02 08:50 PM Re: What should I do?????
MrDon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
lloydy,
I think you raise a very good point that what works for one person may not work for all. Hopefully my post didn't come across that I felt the silence was all bad. For me personally I would have a hard time. And knowing myself, I would probably confront my therapist about it. I feel sometimes for my therapist.... keep them guessing...grin!

For me silence is a trigger because if someone was silent in my family that means you had done something wrong and they were pissed, and well the ball starts rolling down the hill from that point.

Don

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#32941 - 05/31/02 09:30 PM Re: What should I do?????
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
MrDon
I quite like silence, I find it relaxing. The thing that triggers me is lonliness, something that people might think go hand in hand, but I usually feel lonely in a crowd.
I went to my usual pub tonight but none of the usual suspects were there, I had a couple of drinks on my own and came away, the gremlins were coming. I came home and pottered about on my own, my wife was out, and felt ok. weird....
Lloydy

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#32942 - 05/31/02 09:45 PM Re: What should I do?????
Stephen_5 Offline
BoD Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/00
Posts: 667
Loc: Northern California Foothills
James,

I agree with the other guys, if it's not working out tell her what your expectations are or ask her what her therapy style is and what she hopes to accomplish with it. If you're uncomfortable with that type of confrontation (as I certainly would have been early on in my therapy) then maybe a different therapist is needed. I talked to two different therapists before I found one that I could really talk to. The first one sat in a chair all the way across the room and mumbled, seemed totally indifferent and aloof. I paid him $100 and never saw him again. The next guy had never worked with a male survivor and seemed more lost than I was. The third guy had dealt with adult male survivors and in the second session suggested that I read Mike Lew's book, "Victims No Longer". He loaned me one of his copies and I thought that it was written for me. I'd never believed that anyone else had gone through what I had and did the things that I did.

I'd always felt that I couldn't talk to a female therapist about all the crap that went on in my life so I chose only male therapists. I've since talked to a few women therapists at the rape crisis center that I volunteer at and I'm in a frame of mind now that I'll talk to just about anyone who cares to talk about it. You might call up a local rape crisis intervention center in your area to see if they have any therapists that they could recommend who deal with male survivors of childhood SA.

Lloydy and I must have twin therapists. My therapist seldom says anything but he does ask me questions that require me to delve deeper into my thought processes each time. He only talks about lighter topics when I'm heading out the door. I understand more about myself now and it's a lot easier to deal with the day to day BS without going off the deep end and doing something that I would certainly regret in the next instant.

Just to reinterate, trust is the big issue, I had to be able to trust the person I was talking to before I could really open up. Sometimes I just feel that I can't trust someone and I go with that feeling. I hope this helps you out.

Take good care of yourself,

Steve

_________________________
I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center.
Kurt Vonnegut (1922-2007)

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