OK I've been to 3 sections with my theripist, and all we talk about is "Hows the weather type stuff." ..... ofcourse I dont bring anything up.....and neither does she...........Should I or should she?......I have spent 3 hours talking this womans dog, flowers, daughter in law...etc........My wife wants me to find a different one to talk to..what should I do?
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HI JAMES...THIS MAY SOUND WEIRD BUT, GO WITH HOW YOU FEEL WITH THE THERAPIST. I MEAN, DO YOU LIKE HER OR ARE YOU JUST TOO AFRAID TO TALK TO HER? MAYBE YOU WOULD BE MORE COMFORTABLE TALKING TO A MAN. YOU HAVE TO MAKE A DECISION AND YOU HAVE TO BE "COMFORTABLE" WITH THE THERAPIST TO GET ALONG WITH AND TALK TO.

WHEN I HAD THIS PROBLEM, I WOULD ASK MY THERAPIST TO TALK PLAINLY TO ME. AFTERALL, I WAS PAYING HIM......GOOD LUCK, SCOT

Hi James. I went thru that with the lady therapist I was meeting with at Chapman University. Boring,boring,boring. So one day I described to her the sexual encounter my older sister and I had had the night before. This livened things up. Our subsequent meetings were productive.

dont waste your time if she is not helping

you go to get help

ask yourself if she is helping you

Bottom line is you're paying her, even if it's covered by insurance.

Some T's will wait until you engage so they know they aren't pushing you. Talk to her about what your expectations are, set some treatment goals (short and long term), Find out what you can expect from her... If you don't feel safe telling her what you wouldn't tell anybody or if you aren't making any progress despite trying to work it out then it's time to change T's.

I had on T who would change the subject any time I started talking about the abuse saying there wouldn't be any train wrecks here. I fired him!

I told the next T what happened and she explained his methodology (something he never bothered to do). WE decided on a different approach than what I expected. We set some small, short term goals, I got to work on the past in a way that didn't make me a basket case and work on a future in ways I never even thought of.

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James, I agree with the other posts. If you aren't getting anything of what yoou and or your insurance wants, then find somebody else b4 going too far!! After 22 months of therapy I use the method of writing out via e-mail what I want to talk about re our 1 on 1, and I stick to that list. In the first months I would talk too damn much about my problems, or just talk to much without accomplishing anything. I also think it is better for a man to man talk, because one does get to the problems faster, and you don't have to be careful of how one does talk, and good luck. Bosishere

James
My therapist works with the silent approach, he says so little, makes no suggestions and has never told me to actually do anything.
If I have nothing to say we sit in silence, I've tried to crack him and make him talk first but it's a hiding to nothing. I always crack first and start talking about the real deep and nasty stuff, I guess we all try to hold the worst stuff back, it's hard to disclose where we've been, what we've done and the pile of shit that live in our minds, but this technique works for me.
I end up suggesting stuff, ways I can help myself, ideas about what went on and what's happening now. Then he speaks, and usually agrees. What he's doing is forcing me to think so much deeper and harder than I ever did before.
I'm no rocket scientist that's for sure, I'm a engineering fitter that repairs sewage pumps, but I've always considered that I was smart enough to look after myself. But for 30 years I wasn't, I went round in circles thinking that each time I acted out or went into depression I could get myself out of it, but I couldn't, it just got worse.
But the reality was that I could, if I was pointed in the right direction which my therapist does. His silence forces me to think of all the angles, not just the easy ones. I could fucking kill him some times when he just sits there staring at me, but I wouldn't change him for the world now.
This might not be everybodys answer, but it was mine. I count myself as being VERY lucky.
Lloydy

You've got to go with your gut feeling. Each person is different and each person needs different forms and things from therapy. It would make me very nervous (personally) if there was that much silence. I wouldn't personally be able to stand it.

If you feel like you trust this person, then explain that you find the sessions non productive. There are plenty of people that you can make small talk with but a therapist should be someone that you get into the hard stuff with. If you don't feel like you can trust her or talk about the non productive sessions, than I would agree with your wife that this person is not for you.

My therapist that I have now tends to ask me questions that I really don't want to answer. I try to squirm, wiggle and find my way to avoid them, but somehow, she helps me face them with answers I have inside of me. Sometimes it takes a while in a session for me to get to the true answer, but that is part of the learning process for me. And believe me, I've been hitting some of the rough questions lately.

Go with your gut and your instincts from being a survivor. Let them guide you and if this therapist isn't right for you... look for one that will help. There are good ones out there.

Don

Hi James. Has your lady therapist gotten to the "Pretend your mother's sitting on the couch" thing yet? My therapist tried this on me. I thought "Oh gawd this is soo 70s". She kept insisting so I gave her th whole shebang. Cursed mom out,got approving looks from the therapist,paid my $7 for the session on my way out of the clinic. For seven bucks you won't get the Gettysburg Address. It was fun,anyway.