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#329033 - 04/20/10 09:40 AM 8 Toxic Personalities To Avoid
SamV Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5925
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
This is an excerpt from this site;
Here are the worst of the toxic personalities out there and how to spot them:

1. Manipulative Mary: These individuals are experts at manipulation tactics. Is a matter of fact, you may not even realize you have been manipulated until it is too late. These individuals figure out what your 'buttons' are, and push them to get what they want.
Why they are toxic: These people have a way of eating away at your belief system and self-esteem. They find ways to make you do things that you don't necessarily want to do and before you know it, you lose your sense of identity, your personal priorities and your ability to see the reality of the situation. The world all of a sudden becomes centered around their needs and their priorities.

2. Narcissistic Nancy: These people have an extreme sense of self-importance and believe that the world revolves around them. They are often not as sly as the Manipulative Marys of the world, but instead, tend to be a bit overt about getting their needs met. You often want to say to them "It isn't always about you."
Why they are toxic: They are solely focused on their needs, leaving your needs in the dust. You are left disappointed and unfulfilled. Further, they zap your energy by getting you to focus so much on them, that you have nothing left for yourself.

3. Debbie Downers: These people can't appreciate the positive in life. If you tell them that it is a beautiful day, they will tell you about the impending dreary forecast. If you tell them you aced a mid-term, they'll tell you about how difficult the final is going to be.
Why they are toxic: They take the joy out of everything. Your rosy outlook on life continues to get squashed with negativity. Before you know it, their negativity consumes you and you start looking at things with gray colored glasses yourself.

4. Judgmental Jims: When you see things as cute and quirky, they see things as strange and unattractive. If you find people's unique perspectives refreshing, they find them 'wrong'. If you like someone's eclectic taste, they find it 'disturbing' or 'bad'.
Why they are toxic: Judgmental people are much like Debbie Downers. In a world where freedom rings, judgment is sooo over. If the world was a homogeneous place, life would be pretty boring. Spending a lot of time with these types can inadvertently convert you into a judgmental person as well.

5. Dream Killing Keiths: Every time you have an idea, these people tell you why you can't do it. As you achieve, they try to pull you down. As you dream, they are the first to tell you it is impossible.
Why they are toxic: These people are stuck in what is instead of what could be. Further, these individuals eat away at your self-esteem and your belief in yourself. Progress and change can only occur from doing new things and innovating, dreaming the impossible and reaching for the stars.

6. Insincere Illissas: You never quite feel that these people are being sincere. You tell a funny story, they give you a polite laugh. You feel depressed and sad and they give you a 'there, there' type response. You tell them you are excited about something and you get a very ho-hum response.
Why they are toxic: People who aren't sincere or genuine build relationships on superficial criteria. This breeds shallow, meaningless relationships. When you are really in need of a friend, they won't be there. When you really need constructive criticism, they would rather tell you that you are great the way you are. When you need support, they would rather see you fail or make a fool of yourself.

7. Disrespectful Dannys: These people will say or do things at the most inappropriate times and in the most inappropriate ways. In essence, they are more subtle, grown up bullies. Maybe this person is a friend who you confided in and uses your secret against you. Maybe it is a family member who puts their busy-body nose into your affairs when it is none of their business. Or maybe, it is a colleague who says demeaning things to you.
Why they are toxic: These people have no sense of boundaries and don't respect your feelings or, for that matter, your privacy. These people will cause you to feel frustrated and disrespected.

8. Never Enough Nellies: You can never give enough to these people to make them happy. They take you for granted and have unrealistic expectations of you. They find ways to continually fault you and never take responsibility for anything themselves.
Why they are toxic: You will spend so much time trying to please them, that you will end up losing yourself in the process. They will require all of your time and energy, leaving you worn out and your own needs sacrificed.

All of these personalities have several things in common. 1) the more these people get away with their behavior, the more they will continue. 2) Unfortunately, most of these people don't see that what they do is wrong and as a result, talking to them about it will fall on deaf ears, leaving you wondering if you are the crazy one. 3) Most of these people get worse with age, making their impact on you stronger with time.

Frankly, life is too short to spend your time dealing with toxicity. If you can, avoid spending mucho time with people who are indicative of these behaviors and you'll feel a lot happier. Have you encountered these personalities? What have you done? Any personalities you would add?

Recovery is NOT an option!
Sam

_________________________
My SENSITIVE Difference

"Lets talk about that."

Go Get A Hug: HUG>porn

*When provoked* "Anyone holding back his sayings is possessed of knowledge. (Proverbs 17:27)"

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#329040 - 04/20/10 10:56 AM Re: 8 Toxic Personalities To Avoid [Re: SamV]
Charlie24 Offline


Registered: 09/28/08
Posts: 562
Sam,

Thanks so much for sharing these with us. I can see these personalities in most of my professors at the University I attend. Luckily I will one day be done with these people and give them all the single finger salute with there attitudes.

Sometimes though I think these personalities can rub off on me and make me a little miserable. So thanks for pointing these out to us.

Really fucking fascinating.

Charlie.


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#329042 - 04/20/10 11:01 AM Re: 8 Toxic Personalities To Avoid [Re: Charlie24]
Ever-fixed Mark Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/02/10
Posts: 725
Loc: United States
Good list. I know people who are some combinations of 2, 3, 4 and 7 in the one person. Ugh.

-efm

_________________________

Everybody here's got a story to tell
Everybody's been through their own hell
There's nothing too special about getting hurt
Getting over it, that takes the work

- "Duck and Cover" by Glen Phillips

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#329049 - 04/20/10 11:50 AM Re: 8 Toxic Personalities To Avoid [Re: Ever-fixed Mark]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
I get the point that one should avoid people that bring one down all the time.

I find the people who don't change or appear not to change are the people to avoid. To me this indicates psychopathology and evil intent. Everyone has off days and off months or years even. I was off for the most part of 40+ years due to my abuse and I still am fairly often.

If these things affected me that badly I'd think I had a problem, not the person who's personality is overshadowing mine to the point that I am taking on their feelings.

There is an exception for manipulation. Manipulators are good at undermining boundaries by falsely gaining trust and personal information to do it.


Labeling people is a dangerous thing. Everyone fits one of these "toxic personalities" at some point in time. Some people are only this or that way around me or you because we trigger this in them, and are completely different among other people. It is the rare psychopathic person who never deviates in behavior or personality type.

I know it can help to understand patterns and the abuse we have suffered but it is posted as something to use in present day daily life not for introspection about the past. That is the context in which I am replying.

Be careful labeling it's easy to get comfortable doing it and then it becomes a passive aggressive way to persecute those one doesn't like encourageing one to remain fearful and hidden rather than to confront those fears and the world as all people should. Being fearful of people, places or situations, is not a normal static state for people.
Confronting someone who does something that bothers you by engageing them, challenging their reasons and beliefs and defending yours, will teach you more than labeling and avoidance will. It helps you learn to be courageous and how to see that what they think and feel doesn't have to control how you think and feel. And that even though they are different they are still people like you.
It will help you to learn about yourself and what you believe and may even get you to change your mind if you find defending your belief to be harder than it should be if you believe it's true or the other persons argument is more compelling.

One uses dictionary definitions not conceptual inventions of what words mean when doing this. Babble is the enemy of all mankind.



Edited by kidneythis (04/20/10 10:52 PM)
_________________________
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

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#329067 - 04/20/10 02:53 PM Re: 8 Toxic Personalities To Avoid [Re: kidneythis]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6709
Loc: USA
This is an important post. This kind of thinking has helped me a lot in the past and I need to keep on working on it.

My parents had low scores in mental health, and then I was taken advantage of by narcissistic ned and sociopathic sandy. Just understanding what they were and maybe what caused them to be that way has helped me a lot. Now that I am getting more insight about these matters, I can understand and appreciate the other people a lot more.

Allen

pufferfish whistle


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#331903 - 05/24/10 07:53 AM Re: 8 Toxic Personalities To Avoid [Re: pufferfish]
king tut Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2465
Loc: UK
I only just found this post. Very good!

I only came across the term "Toxic people" when i started recovery, but boy do i understand what it means!

Toxic people are the kind of people that drag you under. Avoid, avoid, avoid!

_________________________
"...until lambs become lions"

I love you, little lewis, and i will never leave you. We are the same. You brighten my day, and i will make sure that i brighten yours. Hugs and kisses.


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#331904 - 05/24/10 07:56 AM Re: 8 Toxic Personalities To Avoid [Re: king tut]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
hey i missed this one too lewis. i can honestly say i've known all of them at one time or another, and i've been all of them at one time or another.

regards,

ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#331915 - 05/24/10 09:29 AM Re: 8 Toxic Personalities To Avoid [Re: Sans Logos]
Geeders Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/03/08
Posts: 1901
Loc: Peterborough, Ontario, Canada
Judgmental Jims???

Where the hell is a mod when you need one... whistle

_________________________
My name is Jim
WoR Mysthaven 2008, Level 2 WoR Alta 2009, Kirkridge 2010, 2011, Oprah 200 men

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#331946 - 05/24/10 01:16 PM Re: 8 Toxic Personalities To Avoid [Re: Geeders]
sono Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/09
Posts: 1069
My perp was all 8 rolled into one...plus a few more that wouldn't be appropriate for public viewing...LOL

Kevin

_________________________
the family
the perp

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#331982 - 05/24/10 05:00 PM Re: 8 Toxic Personalities To Avoid [Re: sono]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 10948
Loc: Denver, CO
One thing I see in common with all of those 8 is selfishness. All of them put self before the other person, in many cases being an emotional vampire that just drains the other person dry.

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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