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#328838 - 04/18/10 04:45 PM Out from the depths........
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2435
Loc: TEXAS
Hi, my fraternal brothers.

Well, my fraternal brothers, one week out from the WoR at Sequoia & 7 months out from the advanced WoR at Alta.

It was at Alta, where this boy/man finally came to terms with his true sexuality, gay.

It was there all my life but still just under the surface. It is in his various posts. It is in Little Pete & big Pete's 69 year journey. Read between the lines. I never had any emotions toward girls/females none-zero.

But tons for males, both sexually & non sexually. For most of my young life i was always in a male dominated environment. Ralph, my primary male perpetrator had me for 6 years. He is the one that gave me more sexual pleasure than the only 2 females that i have had sexual relations with. The orphanage/Home 4 years, the Civil Air Patrol 3 years & the Air Force 22 1/2 years.

Ralph, who little Pete had adopted as his parent(s) had me for 6 years. He loved me & i loved him right up to the WoR at Sequoia.

I have had a few homosexual affairs in the past. There i was in my environment, where all my sexual & emotional pleasures are.

I am still married (separated) by an ocean & continent. But my marriage was a non emotional one from me. In fact when i told my wife that i was leaving, she said to me "So you want to leave me and marry a man." I never ever said anything like that to her in the 37 years that we were married.

What did she see in me? That i didn't see?
Maybe because every time that i see my sons I always gave them a hug & a kiss & told them that i love you?
The same goes for my 2 grandsons, every time that i see them i gave them a hug & kiss & told them that i love you?

But, never had any emotional feelings for her or females in general.
My "mom" was my first sexual aggressor,I was then 5 years old. I became the MAN of the house when I was 8 years old. It lasted until she married a man. I was then 14 years old.

I have been a compulsive masturbater for 60 years. I love myself.

So. after a lot of soul searching, a lot of fears & tears, i am sending to my son & wife a letter saying why i can never return to my wife.

The letter is telling her, that i know that she gave me 100% of her. And i gave her zero. That whatever she might think, none of my sexual orientation is her fault. Like I've said above, she just might have known all along what i was.
A rainbow warrior.

Acceptance or rejection??

So, another step in taking that "lost boys hand, and leading him from the depths of darkness, into the sunshine, forever into eternity."

For, HE is ME.

Heal well my fraternal brothers, heal well.

Pete. Irishmoose.





Edited by petercorbett (04/18/10 05:38 PM)
_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#328840 - 04/18/10 05:19 PM Re: Out from the depths........ [Re: petercorbett]
Charlie24 Offline


Registered: 09/28/08
Posts: 562
Hey Peter,

First off a big safe hug for both Pete's

((((((((Little Pete)))))))))))


(((((((Big Pete)))))))))))

I admire you for doing this and I think this is great progress for your healing and your recovery effort.

I wish you well in this step brother.

Good luck.

Charlie.


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#328843 - 04/18/10 05:45 PM Re: Out from the depths........ [Re: petercorbett]
Ever-fixed Mark Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/02/10
Posts: 728
Loc: United States
Hey Pete,

I'm glad to hear this recognition and acknowledgment of how you feel and who you are. I hope learning to live this truth in your life brings you happiness and contentment.

-efm

_________________________

Everybody here's got a story to tell
Everybody's been through their own hell
There's nothing too special about getting hurt
Getting over it, that takes the work

- "Duck and Cover" by Glen Phillips

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#329007 - 04/20/10 02:10 AM Re: Out from the depths........ [Re: Ever-fixed Mark]
Alidade Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/17/09
Posts: 56
Loc: Houston, Texas
Pete,

Thanks for sharing yourself at the weekend of recovery in California. You've helped me to see the little guy inside of me.

For a while I was jealous of you for being able to identify little Pete within you. When you told me that the little guy inside of me is actually me it made me realize how connected I have always been with the big and little parts within me.

Sometimes I feel like there's no Big Keith at all. Like I stopped maturing at some early age. Other times I feel like there's no kid left in me at all. Simple games become difficult and frustrating, and I quickly lose my patience.

Now I can see those two sides of myself more clearly and I hope to bring them together as you have done.

I thank you for your patience on that final night at Sequoia and I thank you again for your insight into the nature of a broken boy who has matured to manhood.

May peace be with you as you journey through life.

Sincerely,
Keith

_________________________
I want to run
I want to hide
I want to tear down the walls
That hold me inside
Bono (U2) - 1987

Do what you love and love will find you. - Me (21 June 09)

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#330362 - 04/30/10 06:22 PM Re: Out from the depths........ [Re: Alidade]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2435
Loc: TEXAS
My brother Keith,

Sorry for spelling your name wrong n my PM to you.

Thanks for your kind words above. Yes that inner child (lost boy), sure was very courageous, little Pete kept his secret buried for 56 years, since the last sexual aggression on him.

Those WoR's had helped immensely, along with these healing circles. And the various posts, and help from my other brothers here in the MS website.

With out them, i probably wouldn't be here.

Take good care with little Keith, as He is YOU.

Heal well my brother Keith, heal well.

Pete..Irishmoose.

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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