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#32904 - 10/29/06 08:46 PM Re: wel.. this is my story I guess
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Alexander,

I know the situation in the Netherlands must be different from how it is in the UK or the States. But you have a case worker, right?

Things like you say in your post are exactly what the case worker needs to hear. If you hide in your room I can understand that, but is that something you can talk about? Whether adults can change your situation is one thing, but helping you to understand and be less afraid is another.

It's okay to be afraid, by the way. Everything has been turned upside down for you, and you have a lot that you have a right to be anxious about. The case worker really will understand how you feel and you should talk about that if you can.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#32905 - 11/05/06 04:49 AM Re: wel.. this is my story I guess
Alexander Offline
Member

Registered: 10/17/06
Posts: 223
Loc: The Netherlands
Just heard today my grandmother of my mom's side died last night.. So there's gonna be a funeral next week.
Don't wanna go though cause,one, i didn't really know her all that well anyway seen her maybe a few times.
And 2, the big reason, my parents will be there.
And the rest of the family and I don't know how much they know about what happened so I don't either how they would react to me.

So I guess I'm not going... Would be to big a confrontation to see my parents.

Can't help but still feel hurt though that they like, threw me out with the garbage after I told school.. Even though i know they were this way and didn't care about me since years already. How stupid is that?

Alexander.

_________________________
Come on, oh my star is fading
And I see no chance of release
And I know I'm dead on the surface
But I am screaming underneath

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#32906 - 11/05/06 06:10 PM Re: wel.. this is my story I guess
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
Alexander,

It's not stupid to want your parents to care. It's something that comes in every kid ever born, sorta like it's prepackaged inside each of us. That feeling is still in there even if we know that they don't.

The problem is trying to make it through the rough time without letting the hurt and the anger destroy our lives.

Keep talking about it with us. Telling people who'll listen and care how you feel is a huge part of keeping your sanity while the shit hits the fan. If there's one thing I've found here, the guys here care. We might not be able to physically do anything for you, but we can listen and let you know we care.

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#32907 - 11/05/06 08:20 PM Re: wel.. this is my story I guess
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
Alex you are one of us now, and I am extreamly glad you found this site. It is never easy, but friends make it easier.

Mike

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#32908 - 11/06/06 02:06 AM Re: wel.. this is my story I guess
Alexander Offline
Member

Registered: 10/17/06
Posts: 223
Loc: The Netherlands
I've got an appointment with a doctor this week tuesday btw, so that he/she can maybe prescribe me some sleepmedication. Because sleeping not at all or just a few hourse all the time isn't working... I guess that's maybe why i get sick all the time.
And maybe there will be some sleep medication that would also help with the nightmares. That would be really great.

Alexander.

_________________________
Come on, oh my star is fading
And I see no chance of release
And I know I'm dead on the surface
But I am screaming underneath

Top
#32909 - 11/06/06 02:17 AM Re: wel.. this is my story I guess
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
hope things work out for you.....steve


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#32910 - 11/06/06 02:34 AM Re: wel.. this is my story I guess
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
alex not sleeping at all or just a little ,been there ,the nightmares too ,the doc gave me soma for sleep and it worked for a while . but the dreams came back ,. i used meth to stay awake and it created a whole list of other problems ,i was in the hospital for exhaustion.not sleeping can be dangerous . they say having a t can help .dude i know how bad it sucks to be afraid to sleep .i hope you can get some relief,there is a chance that my nightmares had a physical cause, i had surgery and im waiting to see if it helped , i got so weak that i started having seizures. get some meds that work if you can adam

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#32911 - 11/08/06 04:51 PM Re: wel.. this is my story I guess
Alexander Offline
Member

Registered: 10/17/06
Posts: 223
Loc: The Netherlands
I went to the doctor yesterday, to discuss this, but he wanted to make sure it wasn't anything physicall first or something.
So I'm getting bloodresults back next week and then he said he would consider sleeping medication maybe.
So I guess I'll wait until then.
I have told him I had nightmares too and he said he would look into that to see if there might be something that could help about that too.
The only good thing about being a little bit sick is that I usually sleep more then normally and that I get a break of school for a couple of days, so that's good. :-)

How are you now Adam?

Alexander

_________________________
Come on, oh my star is fading
And I see no chance of release
And I know I'm dead on the surface
But I am screaming underneath

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#32912 - 11/08/06 08:44 PM Re: wel.. this is my story I guess
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11136
Loc: Denver, CO
Welcome Alexander.

Another heart-rending story from someone. I hope you are ok.

Andy

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#32913 - 11/09/06 06:16 PM Re: wel.. this is my story I guess
Alexander Offline
Member

Registered: 10/17/06
Posts: 223
Loc: The Netherlands
wow.

A totally unexpected outcome.

This morning the doctor I told about, called and made us come to his office. So I thought, didn't he say those bloodresults would not come earlier then next week? O well.

He said there was something not right with the bloodresults.
And then he said we believe that it's cancer, leukemia to be exact.

...

There have been a few more tests today in the hospital.. To figure out what kind it is exactly and how to threat it. Chemotherapy for sure, possibly also radiation and probably also bone marrow transplantation.

I think I stopped listening shortly after then as I do not remember much more of what he said.

I can not believe this.

I CANNOT BELIEV THIS!!!!

_________________________
Come on, oh my star is fading
And I see no chance of release
And I know I'm dead on the surface
But I am screaming underneath

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