Alexander,

I know the situation in the Netherlands must be different from how it is in the UK or the States. But you have a case worker, right?

Things like you say in your post are exactly what the case worker needs to hear. If you hide in your room I can understand that, but is that something you can talk about? Whether adults can change your situation is one thing, but helping you to understand and be less afraid is another.

It's okay to be afraid, by the way. Everything has been turned upside down for you, and you have a lot that you have a right to be anxious about. The case worker really will understand how you feel and you should talk about that if you can.

Much love,
Larry

Just heard today my grandmother of my mom's side died last night.. So there's gonna be a funeral next week.
Don't wanna go though cause,one, i didn't really know her all that well anyway seen her maybe a few times.
And 2, the big reason, my parents will be there.
And the rest of the family and I don't know how much they know about what happened so I don't either how they would react to me.

So I guess I'm not going... Would be to big a confrontation to see my parents.

Can't help but still feel hurt though that they like, threw me out with the garbage after I told school.. Even though i know they were this way and didn't care about me since years already. How stupid is that?

Alexander.

Alexander,

It's not stupid to want your parents to care. It's something that comes in every kid ever born, sorta like it's prepackaged inside each of us. That feeling is still in there even if we know that they don't.

The problem is trying to make it through the rough time without letting the hurt and the anger destroy our lives.

Keep talking about it with us. Telling people who'll listen and care how you feel is a huge part of keeping your sanity while the shit hits the fan. If there's one thing I've found here, the guys here care. We might not be able to physically do anything for you, but we can listen and let you know we care.

Lots of love,

John

Alex you are one of us now, and I am extreamly glad you found this site. It is never easy, but friends make it easier.

Mike

I've got an appointment with a doctor this week tuesday btw, so that he/she can maybe prescribe me some sleepmedication. Because sleeping not at all or just a few hourse all the time isn't working... I guess that's maybe why i get sick all the time.
And maybe there will be some sleep medication that would also help with the nightmares. That would be really great.

Alexander.

hope things work out for you.....steve

alex not sleeping at all or just a little ,been there ,the nightmares too ,the doc gave me soma for sleep and it worked for a while . but the dreams came back ,. i used meth to stay awake and it created a whole list of other problems ,i was in the hospital for exhaustion.not sleeping can be dangerous . they say having a t can help .dude i know how bad it sucks to be afraid to sleep .i hope you can get some relief,there is a chance that my nightmares had a physical cause, i had surgery and im waiting to see if it helped , i got so weak that i started having seizures. get some meds that work if you can adam

I went to the doctor yesterday, to discuss this, but he wanted to make sure it wasn't anything physicall first or something.
So I'm getting bloodresults back next week and then he said he would consider sleeping medication maybe.
So I guess I'll wait until then.
I have told him I had nightmares too and he said he would look into that to see if there might be something that could help about that too.
The only good thing about being a little bit sick is that I usually sleep more then normally and that I get a break of school for a couple of days, so that's good. :-)

How are you now Adam?

Alexander

Welcome Alexander.

Another heart-rending story from someone. I hope you are ok.

Andy

wow.

A totally unexpected outcome.

This morning the doctor I told about, called and made us come to his office. So I thought, didn't he say those bloodresults would not come earlier then next week? O well.

He said there was something not right with the bloodresults.
And then he said we believe that it's cancer, leukemia to be exact.

...

There have been a few more tests today in the hospital.. To figure out what kind it is exactly and how to threat it. Chemotherapy for sure, possibly also radiation and probably also bone marrow transplantation.

I think I stopped listening shortly after then as I do not remember much more of what he said.

I can not believe this.

I CANNOT BELIEV THIS!!!!