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#32894 - 10/27/06 01:00 AM Re: wel.. this is my story I guess
Elad 12 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/15/05
Posts: 1176
Loc: on the coast
Alexander,

Welcome here. Sorry about all you have been through. It is just so sad that this all goes on. Glad you found this place. Its been a great help to me.

Dale


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#32895 - 10/27/06 03:22 PM Re: wel.. this is my story I guess
Alexander Offline
Member

Registered: 10/17/06
Posts: 223
Loc: The Netherlands
Roadrunner,
I can't really explain, it's just that feeling you have about certain people. I just inmedeatly felt that I didn't like them.
While with all the other people I didn't have such a strong opinion.
I don't think I can explain this properly.

Dale, I agree, even writing some stuf down here, or talking in the chat helps, some.

Alexander

_________________________
Come on, oh my star is fading
And I see no chance of release
And I know I'm dead on the surface
But I am screaming underneath

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#32896 - 10/27/06 04:01 PM Re: wel.. this is my story I guess
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Alexander,

I ask because having been let down by your own parents, it would be natural for you to distrust new parental figures, or feel VERY wary about them.

There isn't any "proper" way to explain things, by the way. ;\) Just say it how you feel it and that's fine. The important thing is not to sit alone and in silence.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#32897 - 10/27/06 05:23 PM Re: wel.. this is my story I guess
Kirk Wayne Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/05
Posts: 499
Loc: Shrewsbury UK
Hi Alexander.

Sorry that you had to find us but you now know you are not on your own and yes someof us have parents that refuse to belive that we had been abused ...... my father did not belive me when I told him thirty years after the abuse. He was more concerned with the wrongly held fact that I may have introduced other teenage boys to my original abuser .... and did that hurt so much so that I have nothing whatsoever to do with him now. That relationship is now stone cold dead by my hands and I have no regrets at all.

Regards

Kirk
"Lets grab this bull by the horns and swing it about a bit"


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#32898 - 10/27/06 05:41 PM Re: wel.. this is my story I guess
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Alex,

I am glad you have new fosters, and it will be hard to get to know them, but at least you get on with the other kids.

They will know that you will need time to adjust, but you need to try and dump some of the worst baggage, and try to work on the good things.

Find things that you like doing to take your mind away from the awful past memories, but at least you are safe now,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#32899 - 10/29/06 11:10 AM Re: wel.. this is my story I guess
thwap Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 09/06/06
Posts: 30
Loc: Atlanta, Georgia
No matter how many times you move we will still be here. Welcome!


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#32900 - 10/29/06 07:28 PM Re: wel.. this is my story I guess
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
hi alex ,i been kinda busy and i missed this post,i spent 5 years in foster care ,so if i say i know how you feel i really do ,its not something that you can explain to those that havnt been there i know that for sure. i really hope things in foster have changed its been over 3 years since i got out of it . god i hated keeping what little stuff i had in a freaking trash bag ,got tired of unpacking and packing that bag so i just left my stuff in it ,ready for the next move. i have to admit that maybe i got moved so much cause i just wouldnt try to fit in with the foster families ,but why you know? i'll just be moved somewhere else anyway. for me it didnt matter if the family was nice or not ,it wasnt my family ,i didnt belong ,i was there because these people wanted to help or wanted the check from the state,never knew which . also i had problems going to school and living with the bio kids ,thats what we called the kids whose parents took us in .when it comes to fosters trust your instinct dude if you dont like them there is probably a good reason .do they still pull up outside in their damn black state cars when its time to move again,i hated those cars ,hated that ride to the next place where just like that your supposed to fit in and be happy yeah till you have to move and do it all over again. if i can help myou feel free to pm me anytime adam

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#32901 - 10/29/06 07:53 PM Re: wel.. this is my story I guess
Alexander Offline
Member

Registered: 10/17/06
Posts: 223
Loc: The Netherlands
Hi Adam,

Thanks for your reply.
I understand what you mean with 'why try to fit in? I'll be moved again anyway.'
Rather keep that wall up and keep a distance... It's not worth it.

But, there's at least one big difference between you and me, and that's that I'm from The Netherlands. The system is therefore probably very different.
The way it is here is that they put you in 'crisis foster families' until there's a permanent spot somewhere for you.

The sad thing is, I read a few days ago, that there are just not enough permanent places for all of us. Some kids are even placed in juvenile detention centres, as if they are little criminals and they undergo the same treatment as the reall delinquents. That's just sad. I guess I'm lucky compared to them!

In these crisis foster families you stay for about 5,6 weeks and then you're moved to a new one again. Until there's a permanent place, somewhere. Could be either a fosterfamily or a livinggroup.
They've told me a month! Then there's definitely a place. But that would mean that by now there'd be a permanent place... Not gonna happen.
I guess I'll just wait and see what happens.

I don't have a lot of stuf to carry around. Some clothes, schoolstuf, my laptop. And my skeelers.

It's just so weird these families. I was used to being alone all day unless 'he' was there.. I'd spent my day alone, would cook for myself, clean the house myself etc. Now there are always people in the house. And I don't have to do everything myself anymore. It's just the complete opposite from what I was used to you know? So, I hide in my room as much as I can.
It overwhelms me, sometimes.

Alexander

_________________________
Come on, oh my star is fading
And I see no chance of release
And I know I'm dead on the surface
But I am screaming underneath

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#32902 - 10/29/06 08:36 PM Re: wel.. this is my story I guess
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
well in the u s they only put you in detention if they think your a problem kid ,heh guess thats why i ended up there .please dont be like i was i was so pissed off at life i wouldnt let anyone help me even if they tried.

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#32903 - 10/29/06 08:43 PM Re: wel.. this is my story I guess
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Alex,

hopefully you will find a place in a real good family who care.
I would love to give a caring home life to any kid who has been hurt.

I suppose I have the skill of knowing my own hurt, and how to listen if needed.
When I have been to the Netherlands, I found the people so friendly, so surely they could get more fosters.

Its not that easy to find fosters who will look after a kid with extra needs, but please do not isolate yourself in the family too much, but I know you need your own space.

I will be wishing that you find your ideal home before Christmas, and sure wish that no kid has to go through it, but it will come,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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