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#32874 - 10/17/06 04:00 PM wel.. this is my story I guess
Alexander Offline
Member

Registered: 10/17/06
Posts: 223
Loc: The Netherlands
Just found this board, and thought it be nice to introduce myself.
Something else, in the survivor story section i can only see two threads? The read this before you post and the if your considering suicide ones?
Anyway.

I'm 15 and I'm from The Netherlands.
I don't really how to write this or where to start so i just will begin writing.
I was 9 when i was first r&ped by a friend of my parents. At the time i didn't really understand what was going on though. When I was 12 there were these info lessons at school, like about gambling, drugs & alcohol etc, but also about different kinds of abuse, and I was like 'ohhh... That's me!'.
I found the courage to tell my dad but he didn't believe me and started shouting at me and he beat me up.
As my parents were never home the friend could come and do as he pleased whenever he wanted.
This has been going on until last june, when I finally told school. That was only after he started bringing someone with him and beat me up pretty bad and school noticed that and started asking questions.
They brought me to the hospital and then the whole social work circus started. It seemed like about everyone wanted something from me.
My dad visited me in the hospital but ended up yelling at me and he told me 'don't think we want you anymore now, you're just an attention seeker'.
That's the last I've seen or heard from my parents and so now after I left the hospital I have been in fostercare.
The friend had been caught and put in jail pretty quickly, but the 2nd one was still out there. He broke into the 1st house I lived but someone came home wich prevented him from doing something. Unfortunately at my last adress he found me again, attacked me after school, r*ped me again and left me with a broken wrist, ribs, a hole in my head and a lot of bruises.
That was about a month ago now.
Thankfully he's finally in jail now too.
But I'm not looking forward to the trial, of course.

Well, that's most of me, but feel free to ask questions if you want.

Alexander

_________________________
Come on, oh my star is fading
And I see no chance of release
And I know I'm dead on the surface
But I am screaming underneath

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#32875 - 10/17/06 04:42 PM Re: wel.. this is my story I guess
Bobby Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/01/04
Posts: 1287
Loc: Arizona
Alexander, Always hard to be the first one to reply to a new person. First of all, welcome. We're always glad when someone finds us, and always sorry that he needed to. Of course, it hurts us to read stories like yours because we understand them only too well, but appreciate that you can share your story, because we know how important that is to healing. My story has very little violence conntected with it, so I am always appalled when someone has had to go through the violence that you have had to experience. I suppose, since I was sexually abused that I have sort of an understanding of what that's all about, but the violence is something quite foreign to me, and the pictures that I have in my mind as I read are dreadful.

The bottom line is that I'm so sorry that all of this has happened to you, and so sorry that your father has reacted in the way that he has. You will find understanding here. You will also find here men who have had experiences very similar to your own. One of the things that surprised me most was that the men here understood completely how I felt. No matter what the abuse, it seems that the affect is such that we share an amazing understanding of one another.

I'm so glad that your perpetrators are in jail. Several here have gone through trials such as the one you are facing. I'm sure they'll be glad to help you as much as they can.

Again, I'm so sorry, Alexander. Welcome. This is a place of healing.

Bobby

_________________________
I'm healing now, and I wasn't sure I would.




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#32876 - 10/17/06 05:54 PM Re: wel.. this is my story I guess
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
Hey Alexander, welcome.
Nice to meet you.
Sorry you have to be here, but it's a great place to be. My father blamed me too, and yelled and hit, etc. So I know how it feels.
Jay


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#32877 - 10/17/06 07:24 PM Re: wel.. this is my story I guess
ScottyTodd Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/12/03
Posts: 1561
Loc: Pennsylvania
Alexander - Welcome to the site. I think you will find some good support from the guys! Since you are under 18, we have a Mod Buddy Program here for you to assist you on the site. Please Private Mail me and I'll tell you more about it!

Howard (ScottyTodd)

_________________________
If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anon
It's never too late to have a happy childhood!.....anon
You're very normal for the abnormal situation you've been through..............S. Todd

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#32878 - 10/17/06 08:30 PM Re: wel.. this is my story I guess
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Alex,

welcome, you sound like you are in a mess, but things will get better, and even telling someone who cares is good.

Guys here will support you,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#32879 - 10/17/06 10:43 PM Re: wel.. this is my story I guess
Alexander Offline
Member

Registered: 10/17/06
Posts: 223
Loc: The Netherlands
Thanks for replying everyone!

Alexander

_________________________
Come on, oh my star is fading
And I see no chance of release
And I know I'm dead on the surface
But I am screaming underneath

Top
#32880 - 10/18/06 01:27 AM Re: wel.. this is my story I guess
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
alexander so sorry for what you have been through...reading this brings tears to my eyes...how can people be such as- holes...i am so glad for you that you have found this site...


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#32881 - 10/19/06 12:28 AM Re: wel.. this is my story I guess
Alexander Offline
Member

Registered: 10/17/06
Posts: 223
Loc: The Netherlands
Again, thanks for replying.
Right now it's still all a chaos to me, since it's all pretty recent still and there are still so many changes all the time. Like changing homes wich also means changing school, 'counselor', etc.
Lot's of feelings, making my head a chaos too, switching back and forth between feeling nothing, just numb and then a lot of feelings at the same time.
And of course there are the triggers, flashbacks, panicattacks, nightmares, insomnia, not being able to feel safe even though now I can since they're in jail and all.
But yeah.. it ain't that easy i guess.
Anyway, thanks for replying.

Alexander

_________________________
Come on, oh my star is fading
And I see no chance of release
And I know I'm dead on the surface
But I am screaming underneath

Top
#32882 - 10/20/06 12:57 AM Re: wel.. this is my story I guess
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Alexander,

There are so many things about abuse that adults can't understand, so don't judge yourself for all the feelings you have crashing around in your head. That's to be expected. Just remember that YOU as Alexander, are okay; it's what was done to you that's fucked up.

I hope you will feel able to talk here on the site. There's a great bunch of guys here and the mods keep the site safe for us. Whatever is on your mind, just let it out. Talking helps a LOT.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#32883 - 10/20/06 02:40 AM Re: wel.. this is my story I guess
Cooljule Offline
Member

Registered: 08/10/06
Posts: 69
Loc: New Jersey
Hey Alexander,
i was abducted and raped when i was about 8 years old.The tools I used to cope were baseball,work,drugs,drinking,anger,sex,gambling and many other "things".I choose not to let them things control me any more.The power of choice was stolen from us.... take it back.....But you have made it this far and your not alone.

fight the good fight
Julian

_________________________
Come heal with me

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