Jeff and Me123
Thank you so much for your input on eye problems related to csa. I am also convinced about the connection of eye problems and strabismus.
My eye problem also seems to have started after abuse at around 4. I asked my mother about when it seemed to get worse. She said that it would get better and then worse again but she couldn't remember what my age was when that happened.
I have pieced together my childhood pictures, which clearly confirm what I said in the previous paragraph. After horrible abuse* at age 12, I completely lost it and my eyes were not together pretty much for 40 years. http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...0799#Post350799
This is my boring history: I believe that my childhood pictures show a progressive deterioration in my "eye teaming". Didi who works with children in vision therapy provided commentary on my pictures.
When I was 15, an ophthalmologist told my father that my vision problems were due to "emotional problems". Many years later I had unsuccessful eye muscle surgery when I was 32 at Philadelphia's highly regarded eye hospital. Then I had botox injections into eye muscles at Emory University Eye Clinic. The Clinic ceased the botox treatments. After I "remembered" abuse in my 40's, I started vision therapy. The vision therapy was completed unsuccessfully. But, several times during that period I was able to see with 3D vision briefly several times. When I saw the world briefly in 3D, I got horrible flashbacks. Then about 10 years ago I had another course of expensive vision therapy which ended with them telling me that I was a hopeless case and would never gain full use of both eyes together because in their opinion: "I never had it to begin with". So I started working on my own. I did eye exercises at home and then started watching the few 3D movies that were available then.
About 4 months ago I restarted doing eye exercises on my own after a lot of psychological counseling for csa. It was sometimes painful but I could tell I was making progress.
Then tonight I went to a 3D movie (Tron Legacy =I didn't love the movie but it was a great 3D experience). I told myself to just relax into the 3D experience. That means my psychological self had to relax. I started seeing the movie in strong 3D. It went on throughout the whole movie.But. And this is the weird part.
It became like a DID experience in reverse. That is, while I was watching the movie in 3D, it's like I reverted to a 12-year-old, and not just that but it brought up strong body memories of actually being abused. BODY MEMORY. This was not the ordinary experience of feeling like a child while watching a movie. There was actually a strong memory of the abusive situation when I was 12. The situation when I was 12 was when I believe I lost the 3D sensation. So isn't it logical that watching the movie in 3D would bring me right back to the abusive situation where I lost it?
* All csa is horrible, but some is 'more horrible'