hmmm... - really gets me to thinking...

as a young child I wore glasses - my eyesight was fairly bad (don't remember the exact number because i was so young when I started wearing them - but i do remember that they where pretty thick and that one eye was much worse than the other) - even wore the eye patch for a while to try to strengthen the weak eye - all of this was while i was being abused...

after the abuse ended my eyes started "magicaly" to get better until I quit wearing glasses altogether in high school (and have not wore glasses hardly at all since then - 20/25 vision)

another strange thing... - as a child I was tested for my dominate eye before i started learning how to shoot a gun (hunting is a family heritage) - I was right eyed... - somehow in the 6 years that I was in the military my dominate eye shifted from being right eye dominate to left eye dominate - every eye doctor that I've ever talked with says that it is impossible for a persons dominate eye to change... - makes me wonder if it is somehow related to the abuse of my past???

Hi,

I'm really glad that I found this discussion! I decided to become a member (even though I'm female). I was searching the internet for causes of strabismus because I've always had a gut feeling that my eye problems were related to my experience of CSA.
My eye turn was first noticed when I was 4 yrs old which was about the age when I think the abuse began. I say 'I think' because I had completely dissociated from the experience for many years. Interestingly, having surgery didn't improve my eye but it must have been around the time the abuser moved away from the area that my eye began to improve a little. Having therapy and moving closer to others improved my eyes even further.
I'm a firm believer in the strong link of mind and body and feel that my eye represented the dissociated part of me.
It's really good to hear similar views!

Jeff and Me123

Thank you so much for your input on eye problems related to csa. I am also convinced about the connection of eye problems and strabismus.

My eye problem also seems to have started after abuse at around 4. I asked my mother about when it seemed to get worse. She said that it would get better and then worse again but she couldn't remember what my age was when that happened.

I have pieced together my childhood pictures, which clearly confirm what I said in the previous paragraph. After horrible abuse* at age 12, I completely lost it and my eyes were not together pretty much for 40 years.

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...0799#Post350799

This is my boring history: I believe that my childhood pictures show a progressive deterioration in my "eye teaming". Didi who works with children in vision therapy provided commentary on my pictures.

When I was 15, an ophthalmologist told my father that my vision problems were due to "emotional problems". Many years later I had unsuccessful eye muscle surgery when I was 32 at Philadelphia's highly regarded eye hospital. Then I had botox injections into eye muscles at Emory University Eye Clinic. The Clinic ceased the botox treatments. After I "remembered" abuse in my 40's, I started vision therapy. The vision therapy was completed unsuccessfully. But, several times during that period I was able to see with 3D vision briefly several times. When I saw the world briefly in 3D, I got horrible flashbacks. Then about 10 years ago I had another course of expensive vision therapy which ended with them telling me that I was a hopeless case and would never gain full use of both eyes together because in their opinion: "I never had it to begin with". So I started working on my own. I did eye exercises at home and then started watching the few 3D movies that were available then.

About 4 months ago I restarted doing eye exercises on my own after a lot of psychological counseling for csa. It was sometimes painful but I could tell I was making progress.

Then tonight I went to a 3D movie (Tron Legacy =I didn't love the movie but it was a great 3D experience). I told myself to just relax into the 3D experience. That means my psychological self had to relax. I started seeing the movie in strong 3D. It went on throughout the whole movie.

But. And this is the weird part. It became like a DID experience in reverse. That is, while I was watching the movie in 3D, it's like I reverted to a 12-year-old, and not just that but it brought up strong body memories of actually being abused. BODY MEMORY. This was not the ordinary experience of feeling like a child while watching a movie. There was actually a strong memory of the abusive situation when I was 12. The situation when I was 12 was when I believe I lost the 3D sensation. So isn't it logical that watching the movie in 3D would bring me right back to the abusive situation where I lost it?

Allen

* All csa is horrible, but some is 'more horrible'

Allen,

I find this all so fascinating! I think we're really on to something here. I found this article interesting too that likens dissociation to the visual system:

http://www.legiontheory.com/pdf/Legion_Theory.pdf

I tried to find more but there doesn't seem to be much info on this. I can see also how my eyes have held a lot of the emotions of CSA experiences and the way that having strabismus cut me off from others.

I'd be interested in hearing more from you others with a similar experience.

Our vision is so closely connected to our brain. There have been several article - links posted here. I don't have time at the moment to dig them out.

We know that csa affects the brain. Why should it surprise us that it affects the eyes in a very specific way?

Me123, Thank you for the link to the article Legion Theory. I haven't read it yet but I will read it soon. I've always been a slow reader due to the matters we're talking about.

BTW The effect of the movie I saw last night was quite powerful. It was as strong as any EMDR treatment I've had. But I want to post caution on this. Going to a movie should not be regarded as substitute for EMDR or therapy. I just happened to be in the right place at the right time with regard to my therapy regimen and eye problems.

Allen

its so hard to look at your pics for us. im sorry for everything allen.. wish neither of you had gone thru all that

i shouldnt been here in the computer but i couldnt help readin this.. we relate a lot:

2 alters have strabismus. we (dan, charles) havent ever noticed this but we know thanks to people who knows us and knows about DID (inside the family) they wouldnt appear in public. Dad knows when H. is up in front because he has a shoulder down. John can't speak, he only whispers. when the body was younger father used to take us to the doctor. they discovered each one of us had their own physical patterns. receantly while living in NY drs said our blood pressure, breathing ratio and heart beats are different when we switch. many of our personalities not only are deeply different in character but also physically.

interesting thoughts come to my mind while reading of your 3D problems Allen

I've gotten headaches from a few of the 3D movies I've watched (and I'm not really sure I'm seeing the 3D experience the same as others do because a couple of movies where others have said the 3D was awesome I was'nt really impressed (coincedentaly those are the movies I got the headaches in))

right now I have an issue where my left eye won't focus properly (unless I close my right eye)(I'm guessing it's due to all of the family stress I'm under right now)

I cant watch 3-D movies without my eyes watering and hurting...

I was diagnosed with a "lazy eye" when I was between 1st and 2nd grade (mid 70's, a few years after the most traumatic CSA had occured).

Today I just got home from my regular eye exam at the "Lens Crafters" type of place. I inquired of the Dr about the prism in my pre>

I did it again.

I went to a big-deal 3-D movie. This time it was Thor. I again had a huge response. It was like a very, very strong EMDR session to me. When the movie was over I sat there an exhausted 12-year-old.

The tiredness and effects lasted several days, as did the effects of EMDR sessions I used to have. Remember that it was in the horrific abuse I experienced when I was 12 that I lost the 3D ability. I know I had it before because I went to see the 3D movies available at that time. They gave me a headache but I could see in 3D.

Apparently I respond more to the big-screen 3D productions with the 3D sound.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tBCsiD-JGCA

The following Youtube clip claims the possibility of depression after seeing a 3D movie.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4P0Rbe1ASuQ&NR=1&feature=fvwp

If you also get a reaction to things like this, please let it be known here.

Allen

The ability to see 3D requires that both eyes see equally well or work together as a team.

A lot of our patients do not understand what the "Hype" is all about when taken to a 3D

movie. It gives them headaches and looks blurry, not "Cool and Jumping out at you"



I found this explanation and it is in laymen's terms for all to understand:





Be sure to visit a Behavioral Optometrist who is a member of COVD for your diagnosis.