Since writing the earlier post on eye problems, I have become pretty settled that the cause was an inherited weakness which was then amplified by flagrant abuse to what some call a hysterical conversion phenomenon. I recently posted about this problem in another location.

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...0053#Post340053

and

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=328724#Post328724


There is a pretty good article on this in Wikipedia.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stereopsis

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hysteria

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conversion_disorder

I also developed aphonia as a young teen. This means an inability to speak. I went 3 to 3and a half years only being able to whisper. It came as a result of abuse. I was tortured and brain-washed by my perp to "never tell or I'll find you and kill you". My father also physically and emotionally abused me when I was 10 after I talked about abuse across the street.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aphonia

Allen

pufferfish

This is very interesting to me. I have never heard of strabismus possibly having a connection with abuse. I developed strabismus in my early twenties. I never got an adequate answer as to why it came on at that time in my life rather than when I younger. I had surgery when I was 27 that corrected it. I also deal with dissociation. Maybe my experience with strabismus was unrelated to the abuse given its timing. I'm going to investigate this further though. Thanks Allen.

Mike

Both Of These Articles may be VERY triggering. They are the Ocular Signs of Child Abuse.

http://www.eyesite.co.za/magazine/columns4.asp?mainbutton=columns&navbutton=columns4

http://www.revophth.com/2000/October/RPf13childabuse0010.htm

didi

These articles are extremely important. There are bunches of us here on this site with these problems.

I recommend that when a "survivor" goes to the eye doctor that they print out the article(s) and take it to show him (or her)

Allen

pufferfish

Didi is a registered and frequent visitor to MS. She works in a clinical setting with folks who have eye problems (mostly children). They have trouble using their eyes together. It is not determined how many of them experienced abuse as children. Her son was subjected to abuse by a neighbor at age 4. Her son developed the same type of vision problem that I did at that age.

Didi has analyzed the pictures of my childhood in terms of strabismus (inability of the eyes to work together). Following is her analysis. (Her comments are in blue):

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Age 4 - before abuse. Normal vision.





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After abuse - beginning of progressive deterioration of vision.

• Right eye strabismic jump to the right while the left eye is looking forward.



I was just barely 5 years old. I had experience abuse from a neighbor mostly when 4 years old. He took pictures of me and 2 slightly older boys in sexual acts (kiddie porn).

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• Right and Left eyes converging inward (Convergence Excess)




Being abused by a 12-year-old boy. I was 6.

• Convergence Excess - a clinical condition in which the eyes have a tendency to turn excessively inward when viewing an object at a near distance. Symptoms may include visual fatigue while reading or using a computer, occasional blurred or double vision, and inability to comprehend or concentrate while reading. Clinical signs include: greater esophoria at near than distance, high AC/A ratio, and a high lag of accommodation. Can be improved with vision therapy and/or glasses.


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Age 7. Second grade. (below)




• The right eye is in and the left is out. (Starting to become Insufficiency instead of Excess)
• Convergence Insufficiency - (clinical condition) the inability of the eyes to turn inward and/or sustain an inward turn. Symptoms include eye strain with reading and using a computer, headaches, loss of comprehension, difficulty concentrating, blurred or double vision, and eye fatigue. Clinical signs include: near point of convergence of greater than 4 inches (10 cm), greater exophoria at near than at distance, and low AC/A ratio. Vision therapy is an effective treatment option


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The picture below was taken about 2 weeks after returning from the boy scout camp where I was sadistically abused for 2 weeks. I had a lot of sexual abuse for 2 weeks and torture non-sexual torture. I see my body in this picture as being twisted. My head is tilted and twisted and it almost looks as though I had a stroke affecting my left side. I had a marked and visible difference in the right and left sides of my face. This was because of dissociation due to the abuse. I had totally lost 3-dimensional vision.



• Your head appears to be "twisted" because you completely lost your midline due to the eye teaming issue (which most likely was caused by blunt force in addition to DID) When you loose your midline, you have no idea where you are in space, therefore, it is difficult to establish where anything else is in space.


• Eyes are clearly Not teaming together


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Age 13. Following picture, age 13. An unhappy Christmas. Life was falling apart.




• Head tilt to the right, shoulder down. Midline issues, intermittent suppression, Ocular Motor Dysfunction, Fusional Vergence Dysfunction - inability to efficiently utilize and/or sustain binocular vision. Symptoms include eyestrain, headaches, decreased comprehension, inability to concentrate while reading, excessive tearing, and blurred vision. A patient will have difficulty with both base-in and base-out prisms. Vision therapy is an effective treatment option.
• In order to see 3D you need two eyes that work together as a coordinated team. Problems with binocular coordination- the successful teaming of the two eyes, can make three dimensional viewing difficult.


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Below. 14 years old.



• Eyes are clearly Not teaming together
Divergence Excess (DE) (clinical condition)
The eye's tendency to drift out relative to the direction of a distant object being viewed. Symptoms include: double vision at distance, headaches, eyestrain, nausea, dizziness, and blurred vision. Clinical signs include: exophoria greater at distance than near, high AC/A ratio, and reduced positive fusional vergence at distance. Can be improved with vision therapy.


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Following is a reference web site for those who want to know more:

http://www.visionsource-htvc.com/media/794.14%20OCULAR%20MOTOR%20DYSFUNCTION%20ABNORMAL%20OCULOMOTOR%20STUDIES.pdf

(you might have to copy and paste this into your browser. I couldn't get it to work as a link)
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didi adds the following comments:

One thing I do want to make clear is that, unfortunately, eye teaming disorders are often not recognized by anyone not "Living it" and most public educational systems. The public school system and Doctors not specifically trained in this field look for Visual Acuity only.

I also want to point out that you can't diagnose someone by looking at a picture of their eyes only. I know your history and symptoms; therefore, I was able to fill in some of the blanks. I am not a Dr. but I do see this every day.

didi

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Allen

pufferfish

Allen, this post, I am certain, has helped and will help many others understand their similar symptoms.

Looking at these pictures one can't help but wonder, "How could anyone harm that little boy?"

Thank you, Keith

Yes, it was traumatic. The pictures don't begin tell the whole story.

I'm sure you understand about abuse of little ones.

I make some attempt to answer your question in the post:

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=348873&page=2


It didn't go unnoticed:

"But not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it."

I'm going to append a post on internal damage.

Allen

I've been listening to the news coverage of the impending rehabilitation of Rep. Giffords. She faces some strenuous rehab. after her brain injury.

What strikes me, though is the similarity to what the doctors say she faces to what I went through.

I remembered the abuse I experienced as a 12-year-old when I was about 43 years old. At that time, the amnesia for my experience lapsed. I became aware of a level of traumatization to my own nervous system. I called the years following that as my "recovery period".

During that time I was undergoing vision therapy for my eye problem. I had to learn to "fuse" or put back together my visual field. When my eyes would momentarily come together, I experienced huge flashbacks. I had several different counselors for PTSD and the other problems. I had to do special exercises (actually brain exercises) to help "fuse" or put together other brain functions.

I went through a period of time with some recovery symptoms similar to that of Rep. Giffords. I would become extremely fatigued after some of the exercises. I would crave sleep. I needed the help and support of family and friends. In contrast to her experience, I was pretty much all on my own with little understanding or support.

Allen

This is great information. I remember as a small boy (age 5) my mother took both me and my brother to the eye doctor. I had "Lazy Eye" also known as amblyopia. I was prescribed glasses and the eye doctor told me I would wear them the rest of my life. My parents divorced when I turned fifteen and guess what? I no longer needed glasses. My Perpetrator (My father) was now out of the house and my eyes got better. Coincidence? I don't think so...

Hope123

That's really interesting and actually encouraging.

Allen