When I had all my memories resurface about terrible abuse, I was aware of BEING a boy of 12. It was a DID/MPD reaction for me. But I was in an adult body but I felt like I was 12. It was like the movie BIG. So had these strong wonderings about what I looked like when I was 12. How did I act then? How big was I? How large were my feet and hands? How fast did I move? What did my voice sound like? Was I powerless? What were my emotions like?
I'm sure I'm not the only one who has had these responses. I'm sure that some will misunderstand my motivation for wanting to see these, so I'm trying to be explicit about my motivation. I'm posting this because this kind of activity has been important to my recovery. I think it might help others. But NOTE I AM NOT
AROUSED SEXUALLY by these movies. They fill in something else, something that has to do with LOSS OF MY IDENTITY as a result of abuse when I was 12. I've had an Identity disorder which went hand-in-hand with DID/MPD. This type of disorder is described in the book: The Stranger In The Mirror
. See this link by Steelfish:http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=325760#top
To help myself, I found depictions of 12-y-o boys in movies. It was a self treatment plan I came up with myself but I had ideas which came from listening to the radio program: The Minerth Meier Clinc.
The first one was Father and Scout
with Bryan Bonsall
Now I have a new one: Where The Wild Things Are
. In this film, the boy Max acts like what I think a normal 12-y-o would act like. That is what helps me. It fills in the blanks in my personal history as to what I was like then. http://wherethewildthingsare.warnerbros.com/dvd/#/Homehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=01-PqqifyjA