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#327892 - 04/10/10 12:14 AM Thought I Saw My Abuser
jls Offline


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
Today I crossed paths with someone who looked like the man who abused me. I knew it wasn't him since he appeared to be the age my perp was when it happened over 20 years ago but that didn't stop my anxiety from rising. Feelings came flooding back from when I was a kid, an almost primordial fear of seeing him again. Is there anyone else here who've experienced this, not actually crossing paths with their perp but someone who reminds them of him or her I mean?

_________________________
Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.


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#327912 - 04/10/10 06:41 AM Re: Thought I Saw My Abuser [Re: jls]
Anomalous Offline
Greeter Coordinator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 03/07/10
Posts: 1344
Hi JS,

I know exactly how you feel/ felt.

Running across someone who looks like the abuser is a terrifying experience. I know it was for me.

Sometimes, the person only has to have some of the attributes.... the same eyes, the same lips, the same age or build......

The mind does a double-take.... it is the person? But it absolutely cannot be that person. Or can it...?

Emotionally, it doesn't much matter. The fear and the anxiety kick into high gear.

I hope you were able to do something to soothe yourself after this happened.

Be kind and gentle with yourself.


Anomalous

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Acceptance on someone else's terms is worse than rejection.

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#327947 - 04/10/10 01:29 PM Re: Thought I Saw My Abuser [Re: Anomalous]
1islandboy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/23/08
Posts: 858
Loc: washington
jls,

Doppelganger look alike body double sort of thing...???

Yeah. I have one...he comes in and out of my life...as his brother lives on the island here...

Last time I saw him he had on a green sweater like my dead uncle (perp) used to wear...

It was really an over the top sort of thing...moving away from totally serious to almost laughable...

Starting to think this is some type of cruel joke coming from HP.

I have found no easy answer...but have came to believe that this is part of a proccess...(that can't be rushed).

One thing I will say is even though I look brave on top of the tight rope...truth is...I don't work without a safety net...(my sponsor)...so I guess my point is we don't have to do it alone...


Hotel California (Eagles)

island

_________________________
Rise above the storm and you will find the sunshine ~ M.F. Fernandez

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#327962 - 04/10/10 04:06 PM Re: Thought I Saw My Abuser [Re: jls]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6849
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: jls
Today I crossed paths with someone who looked like the man who abused me. I knew it wasn't him since he appeared to be the age my perp was when it happened over 20 years ago but that didn't stop my anxiety from rising. Feelings came flooding back from when I was a kid, an almost primordial fear of seeing him again. Is there anyone else here who've experienced this, not actually crossing paths with their perp but someone who reminds them of him or her I mean?


Yes, jls

I had this big time. When my amnesia evaporated about the very serious abuse I got when I was 12, I got a very heavy case of PTSD. There were 3 persons whom I saw fairly regularly who "triggered" the strong PTSD reaction. It was 'There he is!!!!', with all the emotions that went with it. I even came to tears about it (privately). I had a good T who got me out of it. The technique the T used wasn't terribly profound or anything. It only took one or two visits really. He had me consider that everytime I saw the guy I had to ask myself: "Is it really him? Am I really There?" The answer had to be "no". Then the reaction started to decrease rapidly until it was only a shadow.

However, I had other, larger, problems after that amnesia evaporated. I had a DID kind of a thing where I felt I was 12-years-old. I felt I was the boy who had been abused at age 12 and as though that was who I really was. I could even remember after the abuse the thought went through my head that I could never be Buzzy(my childhood name) again. I think the best explanation of that was the suppression of a DID alter until the amnesia evaporated. I have found some similar examples of suppressed alters in my reading about DID.

So, after the amnesia evaporated, I did indeed become Buzzy again. But there I was, a 12-year-old in a grown-up world. I had lots of problems. It's as though the 12-y-o personality was who I really was and I couldn't and wouldn't turn it off. I felt intensely the corruption of the abuse I had received. I had suddenly become a boy again. And the feeling didn't go away easily. It was like the movie BIG, or PETER PAN, or the story Rip Van Winkle.

Then I started visiting a T who was experienced in DID / MPD.

So now I wonder, jls, if you also have some of that kind of DID reaction?

Allen


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#327967 - 04/10/10 05:58 PM Re: Thought I Saw My Abuser [Re: pufferfish]
prisonerID Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/08
Posts: 1247
Loc: Oklahoma
jls -

Yes I have had that happen as well. Does not happen as much the last few years but if I see a guy who is similar to the lead guy then my mind fills in the blanks. I do the frozen moment that seems to last for hours. And everything else kind of goes on pause.

I agree with island in that it is part of the process.

Remember to start breathing again and if you see a T work it out with him/her.

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#327993 - 04/11/10 02:40 AM Re: Thought I Saw My Abuser [Re: pufferfish]
jls Offline


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
"I could even remember after the abuse the thought went through my head that I could never be Buzzy(my childhood name) again."

I went through something similar when after it happened it felt like I couldn't go home again, or anywhere else safe and nurtering for that matter. Concerning DID, I can see some of myself in what you wrote but not entirely. Having difficulty remembering parts of the abuse is a challenge for me, as much as identifying who I was as a child when it happened is, yet throughout it all I have always felt like one person, albeit a troubled one. JS

_________________________
Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.


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#327996 - 04/11/10 07:54 AM Re: Thought I Saw My Abuser [Re: jls]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
Thank you for this thread it fills in another piece of the puzzle for me.
I used to have this reaction randomly for no reason I oculd identify except when there were people to whom I reacted. I always thought this was more proof of my defectiveness since everyone around me acted like things were normal. I was mocked regularly whenever this reaction stopped me.
I see now many recognized it for what it was and just enjoyed seeing me weakened so said nothing. Again this has to do with people being jealous and fearing me, a concept I never thought of until a couple years ago. I never thought anyone could be jealous of someone so defective as me.
So I've been ptsd'ing all my life and didn't know it. I have the frozen moment and it does last for hours, days or even months and years.







Edited by kidneythis (04/11/10 07:57 AM)
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As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

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