HI!

I haven't posted in quite a while and wanted to share that things have been going very well.

A few cliff notes on me: My husband was abused when he was 8 - never told anyone until he told me when he was 42 and in the middle of a break down - he attempted suicide - then spent some time in a mental ward - and has been on the mend ever since.

There are a couple odd things in this post-disclosure time.

1. His personality changes - which are all for the better - but it's just odd to see the same guy with a whole new outlook. He SAVES money!! He's so CALM!! He has so much more confidence. It's kind of like the giant fog lifted and the sun came out. Or, better yet, in the Wizard of Oz when Dorothy walks into Munchkin Land and the film goes from B&W to color. Just like that.....albeit a much longer process.

2. Sex is weird. Not in a bad way really. I'm just so much more reserved because I'm afraid of hurting him or scaring him. I used to do silly stuff like sneak up on him or push him down on the bed and jump on him like....well kind of like an attacker except we were clothed and I was only goofing around. I never would have done those things had I known so now I'm constantly saying "is this OK?", "is that OK?". It's working out and starting to get back on track though.

I was very angry with him for a very long time. Most of that has mended. Part of it is due to the anti-depressants I'm taking (and which I needed but wasn't seeking the help) and partly it's due to better communication between us.

S.

Dear Sugarbaby:

I am glad to hear that things are going better for you and your husband. It's difficult to imagine especially when it is all falling apart in an extreme way that there will ever be a point to where you can look from and recognize that as a better place. Your post offers great hope in the healing process.

I believe the anger sort of goes with the territory in facing something so unbelievably difficult. I'm glad you sought out help and that everything is on the mend.

S-n-S

I've seen the same thing in my husband since he confronted his brother. He spent years in crippling anxiety whenever he had free time. Most likely because he was thinking about the abuse by his brother when he wasn't busy. Now he is relaxed and enjoying his life so much! He's involved in lots of things he enjoys, rather than sitting in his chair looking terrified. I used to dread vacations and weekends because he would always go to pieces, but since disclosing to me, our doctor and getting therapy -- then confronting his brother, he has opened up and is enjoying his life. His brother avoids us like the plague and that's fine with us.

It's amazing to see the changes, the possibilities....and the courage.