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#327459 - 04/05/10 02:56 PM Underwear Fetish?
Shaun The Sheep Offline


Registered: 03/17/10
Posts: 188
Loc: West Coast
**********



Edited by Shaun The Sheep (03/31/11 06:37 PM)

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#327466 - 04/05/10 05:39 PM Re: Underwear Fetish? [Re: Shaun The Sheep]
Mountainous Buck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1626
Loc: Minnesota
HI Shaun,

I applaud you for posting-trying to understand our present-day behavior is pretty important work-sounds like you get "a boost to know that I (you) look nice".

Sounds to me that you didn't feel you "looked nice" growing up, and didn't have a sense of privacy/personal ownership - in that case, it is perfectly understandable why you have the attraction to your own underwear collection today.

For me, I grew up around some angry and powerful men/boys: Today, I get a rush out of being strong and muscular, but I avoid angry confrontations with people, especially men.

My work is to stand up for myself in confrontations and not be afraid to speak my truth-that is where I am at today.

_________________________
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

“It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

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#327467 - 04/05/10 05:39 PM Re: Underwear Fetish? [Re: Shaun The Sheep]
Survivinguy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/09
Posts: 314
Loc: Colorado
I'm not sure I'd call it a fetish as that word usually denotes something unhealthy. And I would never call taking care of yourself unhealthy. I think if you are in a position in life where you can toss out or pass on to Goodwill clothes that are less than new - more power to you and good to you for treating yourself to something that gives you a healthy boost!

Now if you get to the point that you have to toss them out after you wear them once - I'd say that's a bit odd and wasteful but still not a fetish per se.

I also can't say whether treating yourself is a function of your abuse or how you grew up but when you are treating yourself to nice, clean clothes and you know you get a little "boost" from it, well I think we would all be better off to find healthy, safe ways to give ourselves little boosts.

It's a good thing to recognize you deserve to be treated nicely Shaun the Sheep. smile

Just my thoughts but I see you taking care of yourself, good for you!

_________________________
Survivinguy

============================================
I have to survive and I hope to thrive.

Alumni Dahlonega WoR May 2010
Alumni Sequoia WoR March 2012

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#327470 - 04/05/10 06:31 PM Re: Underwear Fetish? [Re: Shaun The Sheep]
Charlie24 Offline


Registered: 09/28/08
Posts: 562
Shaun,

I also got hand me downs from my twin brother, he was bigger than me.

So I also don't believe this is an underwear fetish. I think you just finally are able to afford nice things and with that comes being able to purchase clean and brand new clothing.

I remember when I was finally able to purchase things for myself and it felt good to pick out what I wanted, brand new, not another bleeping hand me down.

Charlie.


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#327473 - 04/05/10 06:59 PM Re: Underwear Fetish? [Re: Charlie24]
Shaun The Sheep Offline


Registered: 03/17/10
Posts: 188
Loc: West Coast
**********



Edited by Shaun The Sheep (03/31/11 06:38 PM)

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#327486 - 04/05/10 09:10 PM Re: Underwear Fetish? [Re: Shaun The Sheep]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
It sopunds like the stories I have heard of poor kids doing things like that to feel they've gotten out.
Jerry Lewis famously never wears any pair of socks twice. Other famous people who came out of poverty do other things but it all is a personal signal to themselves that they aren't in that position anylonger.

I don't think that is about abuse so much as it is about personal care. You are making sure you have something that you didn't as a child.



Edited by kidneythis (04/05/10 09:10 PM)
_________________________
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

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#327502 - 04/06/10 01:00 AM Re: Underwear Fetish? [Re: kidneythis]
Shaun The Sheep Offline


Registered: 03/17/10
Posts: 188
Loc: West Coast
**********



Edited by Shaun The Sheep (03/31/11 06:37 PM)

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#327504 - 04/06/10 01:15 AM Re: Underwear Fetish? [Re: Shaun The Sheep]
TJ jeff Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3430
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
Shaun,

I agree with Survivinguy - I don't think it classifies as a fetish either

at a W.O.R. I joked with a friend about how many pairs of underwear that I own (boxers, briefs, bikini's, ect) - even have many packages that are'nt even opened yet - but... not a single pair of tighty whiteys

I know for me that it goes back to my childhood - I wore hand me down tighty whiteys too - was wearing them while I was being physicaly and sexualy abused

I guess for me NOT wearing tighty whiteys is a form of taking back control - of saying that I now control this body

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

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#328713 - 04/17/10 02:21 PM Re: Underwear Fetish? [Re: Shaun The Sheep]
redneckguy Offline


Registered: 05/28/09
Posts: 21
Loc: Ohio
This all sounds famillier to me. I have had a terrible time with underwear and clothing alike. I grew up poor and everything I had was well worn handed down clothing many times from my cousins. I still remember as a kid getting that brown paper grocery bag with a few clothes in it for me to wear. Usually two or three undershirts, sometimes they were V necks, usually two or three pair of dingy briefs and a pair of jeans. The pants usually didn't fit properly because my cousin was a Husky and even though they might half way fit me in the waiste they would be too short but thats all I had. And certain times of the year are sworse for me than others. There was always nervousnes towards the end of summer when school would begin probley because I didnt know what I was going to do for clothing for school. It must have caused a signal to go off that I couldnt control. To make it even more real I think the neighbor boys who lived near by were in the same situation as myself. I can remember them coming by towards the beginning of the school year asking what size pants I wore and actually trying to glance at the tags inside my undershirt. I knew they had no clothes either. When you only have a few tee shirts you notice when one is gone. I knew exactly where I would find it the first day of school , my buddy took it to wear. And when I was younger before school especially the only clothes I ever wore were diapers. The combination causes alot of mental strain as an adult I think. Please get back to me on this


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#328730 - 04/17/10 05:06 PM Re: Underwear Fetish? [Re: redneckguy]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2493
Loc: TEXAS
My fraternal brothers.

Ah, the underwear forum.

There was one way back in '08. If you would like some historical readings about what we had to say about it back then.

Then, i'll direct you to post #258769-date posted 29/10/08.
Interesting reading & there is a bit of humor there too.

But, as for me now. I still do have a thing for new 'drawers" as we called them back when i was a boy. And the US military still calls underwear DRAWERS. On your clothing uniform list it will say drawers..briefs..white.

When i went into the Air Force back in '56 they issued boxers & until that time i always wore briefs. And right after graduating from basic training. I went back to wearing briefs. But you still had to have drawers, boxer, white rolled in your foot locker.

I used to have about 10 pairs at all times & my wife was always in my case about them, as she washed clothes about 4 days apart from each other.

Heal well, my fraternal brothers, heal well.

Pete..Irishmoose.

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#328732 - 04/17/10 05:19 PM Re: Underwear Fetish? [Re: petercorbett]
Ever-fixed Mark Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/02/10
Posts: 731
Loc: United States
I was in an institution where everything was handed down and when we weren't we didn't have much money anyway.

Undies that look good and feel good and aren't worn to the woof aren't a fetish. It's perfectly normal and human to want to look and feel good. I've been "auditioning" new styles for a few weeks to see what I like the feel of. My black Calvin's are soon to be history.

-efm

_________________________

Everybody here's got a story to tell
Everybody's been through their own hell
There's nothing too special about getting hurt
Getting over it, that takes the work

- "Duck and Cover" by Glen Phillips

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#328760 - 04/17/10 08:57 PM Re: Underwear Fetish? [Re: Shaun The Sheep]
king tut Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2469
Loc: UK
Originally Posted By: Shaun The Sheep
I'm curious to know what everyone else experienced - everyone I've asked about this goes "No way - I always had new skivvies." I can't tell if my parents were apathetic or ignorant about this or what.


I have two brothers (and a sister), and the way the clothes washing worked in my house was everything gets chucked together, so we'd often end up wearing some of the same stuff. We are around the same age but obviously i was always smaller as the youngest so i'd wear underwear that they once wore or grew out of (they weren't dirty or anything though). I never really had many clothes just for me, they were always old clothes from my brothers or sister, or from friends of the family. I did have some nice clothes i liked though, i liked track-suits at one point. Sometimes i'd be wearing a t-shirt out and a friend would recognise it as an old piece of clothing of his (i was small for my age so my friends had always grown out of clothes that would fit me), i didn't find that difficult or embarassing though, it was fine, it was just how it was.

I still remember some of my favourite underwear, is that weird? i liked the white pair with little carrots all over them (looney tunes) and also the jurassic park one with T-rex on the front. I had some of my old underwear a few yeas ago, somehow it had just never been chucked out. I got rid of them since though because although it was amazing to see how small they were i thought it would be weird to keep them. I have other items of clothing from when i was young though to remind me how small i was and that it couldn't have possibly been my fault.

I discovered the freedom of having a little money, and so i have come to like buying underwear. I think it is just about feeling good about yourself. It is not so much about re-discovering a healthy sexuality, for me it is just realising that i have the freedom to own my own body and to dress in a way that i like, including my underwear. It isn't for anybody else to look at or anything, it is just for me. It is good to do things for yourself. Just because underwear is a piece of clothing that covers your private parts it doesn't make it weird to like to wear nice looking and comfortable ones.

_________________________
"...until lambs become lions"

I love you, little lewis, and i will never leave you. We are the same. You brighten my day, and i will make sure that i brighten yours. Hugs and kisses.


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#328762 - 04/17/10 09:18 PM Re: Underwear Fetish? [Re: king tut]
usmc97 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/02/05
Posts: 437
Loc: Colorado
When I was younger I got hand me downs but things would disappear once they got to me after the abuse started (got in trouble for that too), it was my job to have to hide all the evidence. I'm so embarrassed to buy them now that I have to ask a friend to buy them for me or at least go with me but I can't face the check-out person even in the self check-out because they're watching. I can't really handle being in a store by myself anyway.

Again more issues that I never had in the past.

I don't know why I felt like writing this. Embarrassed right now

_________________________
Semper Fi

The statistics? 1 in 4, 1 in 6?
...then there's me the imaginary number

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#328811 - 04/18/10 12:21 PM Re: Underwear Fetish? [Re: usmc97]
Shaun The Sheep Offline


Registered: 03/17/10
Posts: 188
Loc: West Coast
I'm glad you did - thanks for sharing, USMC.


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#328824 - 04/18/10 02:19 PM Re: Underwear Fetish? [Re: Shaun The Sheep]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16268
You're definitely not alone, Shaun. I've got a drawer full on nice boxer briefs. New or in really good shape. No holes, runs, or tatters. I don't need as many as I have but damn If I'm gonna ever look in that drawer and find nothing there!!!

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#328901 - 04/18/10 11:40 PM Re: Underwear Fetish? [Re: WalkingSouth]
Shaun The Sheep Offline


Registered: 03/17/10
Posts: 188
Loc: West Coast
*



Edited by Shaun The Sheep (04/01/11 11:33 AM)

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#451754 - 10/29/13 08:26 PM Re: Underwear Fetish? [Re: Shaun The Sheep]
gettingstronger Offline


Registered: 09/24/13
Posts: 251
Loc: Virginia
If you're facing some sort of compulsive behavior, don't just engage in it. Realize you're engaging in a battle with yourself, and these wars aren't winnable. Try to break it down and find what it is that you're REALLY looking for. There's a reason for it, and more than likely it's a good reason that's just being fulfilled in an unhealthy way.

For instance, fetishes are generally not about the items themselves but what they have come to mean to the person. A pair of underwear is nothing exceptional all by itself, so the question is, "what does it REPRESENT to you?"

Did someone you admire in some way wear a certain brand or size? Are you connecting attributes of that person (maybe someone who was popular, good-looking, the kind of guy you "wanted to be" and so on) to them? If so, it's likely that once you make the connection and see that it's a misdirected sexual or self-esteem issue, the compulsion may well go away all by itself.

Instead of attaching sexual feelings to the object of the fetish, like a pair of underwear, you'll be able to say, "Aha-- that's not what I'm looking for at all!" and let it go.

So, (1) admit you're looking for something that the compulsion seems to offer, (2) really break it down to see just WHAT it is that you're seeking, and (3) see if there is another, more healthy way to find what it is you are truly looking for. Survivors live in a very fluid, confusing world, and what looks like an apple is often an orange. Hope this helps.

Bob
















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#452369 - 11/03/13 05:56 PM . [Re: Shaun The Sheep]
johnb11 Offline


Registered: 01/15/13
Posts: 10
Loc: Europe
.

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#452395 - 11/04/13 04:21 AM Re: Underwear Fetish? [Re: Shaun The Sheep]
risingagain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/10
Posts: 597
Loc: Vancouver, BC, Canada
Addressing kink shame is important, especially for survivors... I think that fetishes, if they are expressed consensually with clear communication and 'above-ground', are not shameful at all... many people have underwear fetishes, foot fetish, clothing, handcuffs, bondage, etc etc etc... it's OK to have fantasies and desires... I have learned to feel good about myself and my own unique sexual expression... informed consent is key... then you keep yourself and whomever you are sexual with out of harms way...

for example nowadays i regularly tell people that i love seeing guys in down jackets and rain coats... it can be such a turn on for me... i don't have an issue with that anymore... i'm simply open about it, if anyone wants to know. and i'll tell a guy he looks gr8 in that jacket... no problem!

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#452493 - 11/04/13 07:38 PM Re: Underwear Fetish? [Re: gettingstronger]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3739
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Originally Posted By: gettingstronger
I guess my point is, if you're facing some sort of compulsive behavior, don't just engage in it. Try to break it down and find what it is that you're REALLY looking for. There's a reason for it, and more than likely it's a good reason that's just being fulfilled in an unhealthy way. I was able to break this compulsion without a T, and if I can, so can others.


i think you have a good point here. i used to have a huge phobia of wearing clothes that belonged to other people - hand-me-downs, 2nd-hand, borrowed - whatever. i have traced it back to the fact that when my mom married the step-dad, we moved into his house - full of all the things that had belonged to his original family - who were dead. i slept in his dead son's bed, played with his toys, played his trumpet, etc. whenever i wore the clothes that were not mine - it made me feel like i was disappearing and did not exist any longer.

later - i took the opposite approach - i would borrow (sometime without the owners' knowledge) clothes that belonged to boys that i admired or wanted to be like. i never kept them - but it made me feel like i was taking on some of their attributes - like i was becoming them for just a little while.

thanks for your post, gs - it helped me put it into clear thoughts and words.

LEE
_________________________
"That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. . . What will your verse be?" Robin Williams as John Keating in "Dead Poets Society"


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#452516 - 11/05/13 05:59 AM . [Re: usmc97]
johnb11 Offline


Registered: 01/15/13
Posts: 10
Loc: Europe



Edited by johnb11 (01/26/14 03:47 PM)
_________________________
To my brothers here, and to remind me:
I am NOT alone.
I was NOT responsible
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