Newest Members
jmr2191, autumn, tammy m, TheConqueror, Bloom
12425 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
dphoenix1701 (37), jaywiz2009 (69), mato (57)
Who's Online
5 registered (bluesky, john22, jmr2191, 2 invisible), 28 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12425 Members
74 Forums
63808 Topics
445555 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >
Topic Options
#326486 - 03/28/10 07:55 PM ANGER!!
hurtandfoolish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/02/10
Posts: 13
Does anyone else fing that they get angry or agitated quickly? Somedays little things make me yell or want to break things!! Which sometimes I do. I feel like fighting alot as well!! Some other days however I feel fairly relaxed. How do you deal with rage?


Top
#326502 - 03/28/10 09:43 PM Re: ANGER!! [Re: hurtandfoolish]
wayne9 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/08
Posts: 161
Loc: alabama
I have never felt anger until the last few weeks. I only told about my csa about 3 months ago. At first I noticed I get very emotional but lately I feel more anger than I ever have. I also get this desire to throw something or tear something up but have not gave into it yet.


Top
#326509 - 03/28/10 10:43 PM Re: ANGER!! [Re: wayne9]
lungfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/26/08
Posts: 64
Loc: nowhere special nj
I can totally relate. For most of my life I would very rarely get mad but when I did I would totally lose control. Now that i am doing the recovery work that I need to and not numbing myself, I feel a tremendous amount of anger. I try not to be inappropriate or have my anger displaced into the wrong areas. I do find myself when out in public watching people very closely whom I think may act abusively so that I can vent my anger on someone whom might deserve it. I know this is not the right thing to do and I am hoping this will pass. I find myself daydreaming about coming to someones rescue because nobody ever came to mine.
I did recently join a jui-jitsu school and I find it rewarding to be very physical with a bunch of nice guys. Also I would suggest a punching bag to all those with anger issues but I think any exercise will help.

_________________________
"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." Ralph Waldo Emerson

Personally I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like to be taught. -Sir Winston Churchill

Top
#326586 - 03/29/10 05:26 PM Re: ANGER!! [Re: lungfish]
Chad Offline


Registered: 03/29/10
Posts: 3
Loc: USA
All I can say is that I can relate to that. I sometimes catch myself wanting to pick a fight. My anger with my family has been consuming me though. I have to agree with lungfish, exercise is probably the most productive.


Top
#326600 - 03/29/10 08:08 PM Re: ANGER!! [Re: Chad]
hurtandfoolish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/02/10
Posts: 13
I do exercise alot box, brazilian Jui Jitsu and MMA. It does calm me for a bit but I still feel rage at times. It can be consuming another thing I find is I think of sex constantly and my gf finds it disturbing that I think of it so much!! Does anyone else do this as well?


Top
#326902 - 04/01/10 12:00 AM Re: ANGER!! [Re: hurtandfoolish]
G5 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/12/04
Posts: 203
Loc: New Jersey
The rage is always there....and more so as I dig deeper. But I have been able to recognize that I am mad about my past and not take it out on others.....like my cats or my keyboard....or in the car....or at work...or......

Exercise helps, but only for a while. Talking about the abuse has done the most good for me.....talking face to face with others that have experienced the same. My anger is working it's way out, as I don't usually express it. Going to a weekend of recovery and meeting others like me has been a tremendous help in this area. And now I am lucky enough to have a support group as well....

Talk....share your thoughts, your fears, your pain and suffering.....and even your joy. We're all here to support one another......and we all can understand.

B-well,

Chris

_________________________
WoR Kirkridge '08
WoR Alta Advanced '09
International Conference '10, '12
Oprah 200
PA Support Group
WoR Alta Advanced '12
"Silence Buster"

Top
#326906 - 04/01/10 12:21 AM Re: ANGER!! [Re: G5]
ericc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/04/08
Posts: 1970
I get angry at times, though often it can be misplaced. More often that not I have turned my anger inward as depression and the like. I have a feeling my drinking was a means of numbing all feelings. I'm getting better and don't have any interest in heading back to that "place". I do get pretty pissed at times over where this has all lead to, but more often than not I just get depressed. I'm fighting for my freedom though and am working to shape a better tomorrow.

Eric


Top
#326944 - 04/01/10 09:49 AM Re: ANGER!! [Re: ericc]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
I'm starting to realize that my ready access to those feelings of rage is from the abuse. I am also starting to think I am triggered to it by even the smallest indication that I am being manipulated. This may not be the best response but I find I am never wrong when I do trigger, the manipulation is always there.

This one is going to be hard to learn how to deal with.

_________________________
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

Top
#326949 - 04/01/10 11:30 AM Re: ANGER!! [Re: kidneythis]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
Lovely here it is several hours later and wham I get memories of the scum who did things to me and the idea of what I lost and how I'm not going to get justice inserted itself into my mind.
It seems the most likely path to happen.

Anyway I'm fucking angry! I have images of myself breaking the neck of the guy who broke my neck and the neck of my aunt who was instrumental in "stretching to help you grow" my neck to weaken it so that a 7 year old could break it. Fucking scum!

I want them to survive it and be paralyzed and taken care of by abusive hateful scum like I was.



Edited by kidneythis (04/01/10 11:31 AM)
_________________________
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

Top
#327063 - 04/02/10 02:49 AM Re: ANGER!! [Re: hurtandfoolish]
Charlie24 Offline


Registered: 09/28/08
Posts: 562
How do I deal with the anger.

Well I also exercise that can help me burn off steam or just be when I need time to get away from the problem, think, just clear my mind. Help me calm down.

A great piece of advice I got from another survivor on here was that for so long we had to suppress anger, but he told me to let myself feel the anger, experience the emotion.

I think this is a good step and what I've learned to do is allow myself to get angry and not just push my feelings deep inside or just ignore myself. Really give myself the power to feel anger. Now comes the hard part getting angry and managing how I express myself.

Yeah sometimes I just have to cuss up a storm when I'm angry. Just get some steam off.

I think it's important to allow ourselves to feel the anger to find a way to deal with it.

Don't know if I'm much help learning with each new day how to keep going and just make it through the day.

Charlie.


Top
#327247 - 04/03/10 01:09 PM . [Re: Charlie24]
bardo213 Offline
Guest

Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 811
.


Edited by bardo213 (06/21/13 09:55 PM)

Top
#327264 - 04/03/10 03:27 PM Re: ANGER!! [Re: bardo213]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
I'm starting to see new things that show me that I have been affected by that abuse in ways that have never occured to me before. Levels.
The anger, the way I react to things that upsets others who cannot imagine what I see as being a real possibility and those who object because I have thwarted their plans of manipulating freely.
The way I simply accept things in daily life or what people say no matter what it is. That boundary is clear to me, you say it its yours not mine, yet so many attribute to me the implications and responsibilities of what they say.
Apparently my comfort with allowing others to be themselves isn't what others see. They appear to me now to have been thinking I was fucked up because I am comfortable talking about anything w/o applying prejudice. The way I use what others say and how they think to adapt to that persons world so I can teach them how to be better isn't seen for what it is. No one seems to pay attention to actions. It has become a world of judging by the cover as if that were somehow right.
I am a chameleon and most often have adapted to rough and deviant people probably mainly because of the abuse and my discomfort with normals also from the abuse, but mainly to befriend them so I could point the direction home as it were. Everyone can be rehabilitated is the impetus that sent me down this path as a result of the abuse in fact I adopted it during the abuse. Yes I was that kind of kid, not unlike whats his face's character in Pay it Forward. That too was probably my reaction to the abuse. I am recalling this for the first time. I think I even argued that I could help pedo's. Kids are nothing if not idealistic.
I realize now no one who knows me would give me credit for this because unlike me they were attributing prejudice's, pre-adopted definitions, bigottry, and attitudes to the words I spoke instead of listening to them and thinking. I think I'm refering to those looking in not my intended interlocutor. Though they have also misunderstood me.

It really is true, people are stupid bastard coated bastards with bastard filling.
The rare few I have met who give the benefit of the doubt first and hav proper boundaries are in a small enclave in Wa. state and a few folks in NJ. NJ is where I learned to be this way.
It used to be part of American culture to be this way now we seem to have been dragged down into third world culture of uneducated superstitious people who can be whipped up into a violent frenzy by a few words spoken in the name of one of those superstitions. These were the things people came to America to get away from.

AAAAHAHHHHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA! big sigh. and scene :-]

The impotence of anger is almost as painful and damaging as bieng abused.

_________________________
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

Top
#327288 - 04/03/10 10:33 PM Re: ANGER!! [Re: kidneythis]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
Another ramble if you please.

I just noticed I'm feeling like I did something wromg and I've been avoiding the feeliong so I was a bit frantic. Then I stopped a minute ago to think. I had put water on to boil and forgot it. This wasn't the first time. I caught the pot when it was cherry red and got it off the burner. That is when it started.
I forget things, I have all my life. It seems pots on the stove is a theme I was woken up by the fire dept on the front lawn when I was twenty something for the same thing it went a lot further but not quite flames. The whole p[lace was filled with black smoke.
It happens with other things. I've got macaroni on the stove right now and I am in here writing.
I thought to myself Why am I feeling like I've done something wrong? and it comes to me that I was of course yelled at for the fire dept thing, it was my old mans place and he had to pay to paint it and move out. But all my life I've just forgotten things like that and I've always been treated like I was stupid or willful for it. Like I was responsible for forgetting because i was a slacker.
I have always hidden that I couldn't control it because no one ever believed me. It is THE reasonthat I have not ever reached my potential or been able to learn how to deal with people. It has limited my whole life.
Now it comes to me that this problem is an after effect of all the ECT's. Those fucking scum destrroyed my life and I can't get away from it because the fucking side effect is incurable! WHo's gonna fix my brain so that I can remember normally? It just fucking shorts out whwenever it wants to for no apparent reason.

I am so fucking pissed!




Edited by kidneythis (04/03/10 10:43 PM)
_________________________
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

Top
#327567 - 04/06/10 08:09 PM Re: ANGER!! [Re: kidneythis]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
I've been feeling pretty good all day. Surfing the web looking for info on my old StarTAC 7797. Stuff like does it have a SIM card? How do I open the case w/o breaking it? It seems I'll have to pay or find someone who remembers how its done.
Anyway I stopped and left the room for a minute to go to the bathroom and when I came back I found myself angry and I don't know why.
I've read my posts above and I had a nice PM on here and its subsided somewhat. In fact it now has a decided resentment quality to it.
I was ruminating earlier and had the realization that the whole problem with getting what I wanted done on my home/retirement investment when I had more than enough money for it in cash was an organized effort. I'll not go into it but that really eats me and I feel I am owed compensation for my losses. One scumbag had me order thousands in custom materiels one from his buddy who overcharged me 200%+ from what I've found since, then a week later he begged off the project on the day he was to start because his "partner got drunk last night"? I couldn't get ahold of him after that. That's business partner.
I hate this place and everyone in it. Smiling faces sometimes... They are all scum not one of them approaches me that I don't have the definite impression I am expected to respond in one way and one way only. They have this whole I've done so much for you (me) attitude about them which comes from the way they work themselves up into that approach. Like they're doing me a favor. How the fuck is a stranger doing me a favor when they don't know me? And if they are how to they expect anything from me?
It feels like I'm dealing with East Indians direct from the subcontinent. The irrational certainty, the confused dissociation of thought and reality, and the pain from this which is deliberately inflicted on the poor people of India by the millenia old system of religions, customs, and misinformation, as a way to keep them ignorant and easily manipulable.
How do you deal with a crazy person who cannot or will not relate to reality?

_________________________
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

Top
#328041 - 04/11/10 05:32 PM Re: ANGER!! [Re: kidneythis]
hurtandfoolish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/02/10
Posts: 13
Thanks for your posts, I can relate to them very much! I found it fascinating you mentioned India since I was there last month. It was kind of self healing being that i am mixed with Indian but also because this was just after all the recollection of the past was spewing into my mind!


Top
#328052 - 04/11/10 08:09 PM Re: ANGER!! [Re: hurtandfoolish]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
I'm glad that happened for you. A friend of mine just came back and proposed to his fiance. I hope to go there someday myself. I am intersted in the trip up to the source of the Ganges that another friend of mine took.

For reference my abuse was partly directed by an indian man who taught the abusers themselves abouit the dalits and how they are kept down from birth with manipulation and abuse. They used a modified Ghotna torture on me, theytwisted my body into painful poses then made me stayt that way day after day monsth on end. They did a whole host of things which I am certain are part of the less admirable heritage of the subcontinent as well as come up with their own ideas for things to do to me.

The worst part was he taught them about how isoaltion damages the brain. He too was doing it because I am white.
I'm not racist but I've known many Indians and most of them have those qualities of willful ignorance backed by that incongruous certainty that one would think might become clear was wrong at almost any point in life but somehow doesn't. Not unlike crakers, overly religious people, and any other number of closed mindedpeople who think they have all the truth there is.

_________________________
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

Top
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.