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#326435 - 03/28/10 09:42 AM picking myself back up
bey Offline

Registered: 01/28/10
Posts: 356
Loc: canada
after being triggered pretty badly (by a song, of all things), i fell off this whole recovery wagon. hard. ran headlong into everything i have been working so hard to stay away from. right back to everything that I know and that is comforting and that is really (really) bad for me. for some reason, lucky? maybe, i am still here, trying to pick myself back up, and its really difficult. i want to be better but at the same time i know that i dont. i want to stay here in this dark place because... i dont know... i guess its familliar anyways. i know how to do this. but at the same time i am starting to dream of being better. feeling what it might feel like to shed the pain. dont know how. keep going back to it.
i need to pick myself back up. but how? just for today, or whatever, im at least gonna try. i think.

I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me.

#326440 - 03/28/10 10:32 AM Re: picking myself back up [Re: bey]
Tedure Offline

Registered: 04/17/09
Posts: 203
Loc: Utah

I just went back and read your story and some of your past post. You are the champion of all champion survivors!! I could feel your pain and your soul being damaged as I read. I cried. I prayed for you. You deserve a miracle in your life...ask your higher power for one. You are Powerful!

Much love and respect, Ted

When you change the way you look at things the things you look at change.

#326449 - 03/28/10 01:23 PM Re: picking myself back up [Re: Tedure]
wayne9 Offline

Registered: 05/14/08
Posts: 161
Loc: alabama
I haven't read your story but know what you mean when you say when you don't know if you want to change. I feel that way alot. After deal with and hiding it for 40 years it seem the norm for me. Easier to stay where I am then make so many changes now. Hope you day gets better.

Edited by wayne9 (03/28/10 01:23 PM)


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