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#325836 - 03/21/10 05:19 PM Why do I have a fear of failing
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
For as long as I can remember I've never taken risks, I've always been too afraid to. I guess I've never had much self-confidence and am afraid that it I do fail it will just solidify all the bad things I have going around in my head. Everyone I know seems to be having a good life except for me. Don't get me wrong, I am lucky to have this board, a mother who loves me who has put a roof over my head for most of the last 31 years. I know that I need to take risks to get a reward but I'm too fucking scared if I fail.

Jason

_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


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#325843 - 03/21/10 06:52 PM Re: Why do I have a fear of failing [Re: onlyakid]
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1330
Loc: kansas
jason,

perfectly understandable. i have felt that way many times... what helps me though is the following quote from michael jordan.


I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.

_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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#325846 - 03/21/10 07:18 PM Re: Why do I have a fear of failing [Re: Obi]
Gus Bierer Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 09/16/05
Posts: 160
only a kid

i understand fear, mine manifests in a different way. But i have this sense of adventure, do you? a kind of recklace, put it all on the line spirit that pumps me up.

I try to stay in the moment and not let my thinking destroy me. I like to have a quiet mind, i work on it all the time.

Anti anxiety meds have helped, shoot changed my life, maybe you could look into them.

I know what you mean about this board i really appreciate it these days and i've almost been kicked off the site.

talk with you later

Gus

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My Story

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#325869 - 03/21/10 11:25 PM Re: Why do I have a fear of failing [Re: Gus Bierer]
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
Gus,
No I can't say I have a sense of adventure You say you have a put it all on the line spirit, being that you are putting it on the line and have everything to loose. If you do loose then you have nothing, so I don't do that hoping that my anxieties are wrong and that I will be fine.

As far as anti-anxiety meds, I'm on Zoloft and I'm also on Wellbutrin for depression. Unfortunately right now I have very little coverage for brand name drugs and have really needed to stick to generic versions now. With the Welbutrin I don't know if the switch to the generic version is really working, I think the generic might be making me a bit drowsy.

When you say you have a quiet mind and work on it, what exactly do you do?

Jason


_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


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#325874 - 03/22/10 12:21 AM Re: Why do I have a fear of failing [Re: onlyakid]
Charlie24 Offline


Registered: 09/28/08
Posts: 562
Hey Jason

This is a great question. I've struggled with this question for years. I've learned to be more assertive in my life.

Why do we have a fear of failure, I wonder if it could be traced back biologically to our ancestors with wanting to belong in a group, that is a human trait, people want to belong, be accepted.

Maybe it's fear of embarrasment, or fear of the unknown?

But here's something to think about, what about the fear of not ever trying? Of waiting for life to happen?

I like what ha been said before from Todd and the Michael Jordon quote about failure has helped him.

I think failure is a great tool. In our society, schools we are taught failure is BAD!!!

But I don't believe that at all, failure I believe can show us what we did wrong and if we use it correctly can help us learn how to do it right or better the next time.

Failure I believe can show us what we are made of, what potential we may or may not have in our lives.

Maybe you can work on small steps in your life and see if there are little things you can accomplish, like before you said its hard to say hi to the neighbors for you. Is that something you could try.

I don't wanna sound preachy, just trying to help bud.

I struggle with this as well but I learn to try and learn to let go a little bit.

It's great your asking good questions.

Charlie.


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#325886 - 03/22/10 02:03 AM Re: Why do I have a fear of failing [Re: Charlie24]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
Jason,

Great topic. I understand the fear of failure. I think part of this is because of our fear attracting attention from those we fear. also the fear that we just really don't matter to anybody including ourself.
I can remember in the fifth grade we had a track meet at school. I won a distance race which made me the one to represent my school at a later tract meet. You know I purposely chose not to show up. I could not deal with bring attention to myself. My need for invisability was just too great for me to deal with.

About ten years ago i was in a job that had no challenge for me any longer and I just hated it. I could have stayed employed there for the rest of my life. I talked to my wife about how I was feeling and that I wanted to change things. She thought I should just stay were I was.The pay was decent and it had union benefits. But it got to the point, that one mourning I woke up and could no longer do it. So I took in my uniforms and told my boss that I quit. He was totally surprised and tried to talk me out of it. but i told him i was done and left and never came back. I went to a trucking school and got my Class A linence and am now makine 2 and half times what I was. Till this last year I loved what I was doing but the feeling it is time to change things is happening again. Not sure what that means right now but as soon as I know what it is I will make that change.

"Life is change" and we need to learn to embrace those changes and use them in our own best interest.

Mike

_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

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#325911 - 03/22/10 01:01 PM Re: Why do I have a fear of failing [Re: onlyakid]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
I was pretty sure I answered this but it seems to be gone if it was here. Sometimes I answer then delete it rather than post.

What do you fear about failure? Will you die? will the world end?
There is an expression that "the one thing all successful people have in common is failure". If you don't fail you aren't trying or less negative if you aren't making mistakes you aren't doing anything.

Failure to me means I haven't yet figured it out. It is part of the process of learning. It isn't a negative judgement of who you are it only tells you what you need to learn.

_________________________
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

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#326063 - 03/24/10 01:41 PM Re: Why do I have a fear of failing [Re: kidneythis]
Gus Bierer Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 09/16/05
Posts: 160
Only a kid

I'm so sorry for not responding sooner, i make mistakes. What i mean by being quiet inside is that i meditate. This is something i'm very excited about, because it has given me such peace of mind. And the anxiety med i was talking about, and dosn't matter if it's a generic or not is klonopin and i only take .5 mg daily, broken into 2 parts, so that's only .25mg twice a day. It's pretty cheap as far as drugs go, just don't ever abuse it because then the doc's are reluctant to prescribe it for you.

I got to go getting kicked off the puter, but i want tell you more about my meditation if your interestet please post, and i'll explain how i do it.


Gus

_________________________
My Story

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