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#325721 - 03/19/10 08:46 PM nightmares
lungfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/26/08
Posts: 64
Loc: nowhere special nj
I have quit smoking pot so I can deal with my issues and move forward. I have not smoked in over a week and it really feels great. Without pot I am a horrible insomniac and suffer from nightmares. When I first quit I did not sleep for three days then was getting just a couple hours a night. One of my abusers was a camp councilor who would molest me in the night when he was drunk. Last night the nightmares came back full strength. The odd thing is that I have the nightmares of a child, it is almost always zombies and vampires. I got the most sleep i've had in over two weeks but work up several several times TERRIFIED. When I woke up this morning I felt like I had run ten miles and have been fried all day. I don't know what type of feedback i am looking for, maybe that others have had similar experiences and it got better. peace

_________________________
"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." Ralph Waldo Emerson

Personally I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like to be taught. -Sir Winston Churchill

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#325726 - 03/19/10 09:01 PM Re: nightmares [Re: lungfish]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
I don't remember mine. I also have continuous pain so it is sometimes the pain that wakes me.
Good for you on quitting pot. Try doing some exercise. Work doesn't count no matter how hard it is. Exercise is continuous for 30 minutes or more in the heart rate zone 120-140.

That's awful camp was made scary for you. If the problmes continue get checked for sleep apnea, the symptom is that you wake up dog tired and wake up a lot in the night feeling very scared with heart racing. Night mares might be getting triggered by you stopping breathing as the oxygen runs out.
If you have it it will destroy your heart unless you get a CPAP. Its easier to get used to than it seems at the start.

Good Luck



Edited by kidneythis (03/19/10 09:03 PM)
_________________________
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

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#325727 - 03/19/10 09:05 PM Re: nightmares [Re: kidneythis]
catfish86 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/09
Posts: 820
Loc: Ohio
Ditto on the exercise. It does a number of things physiologically. Part of it is you deal with stress by preparing to fight or run, ie physical activity.

_________________________
God grant me
The Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The Courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to know the difference.

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#325737 - 03/20/10 12:20 AM Re: nightmares [Re: catfish86]
ericc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/04/08
Posts: 1961
Lungfish,

Not sure if this relates, but I spent quite a few years where it seemed like every night I went into dreamland. There was this whole environment I was in. Parts of it were scary, even though there wasn't anything rationally scary about the parts that were scary. Well, except maybe that I was off somewhere *very* alone in some far reaching corner and the vibe was sometimes just frightening, like something was just around the corner. In fact, I was almost always alone in the dreamland. This is good stuff for me to think about actually.

Anyway, it has been quite some time since I have been back in that place (or shall I say places). I believe my mind needed to work through some personal demons, and as that happened I wasn't spending time in dreamland. It was all pretty fascinating in a way, and the "places" I'd been to in that place were pretty far out and interesting. But it is better I am no longer living the reality that brought that place about. I miss it in a way, but things are much better now.

On a related substance note, when I would drink heavy for a couple/few days then stop I'd end up in a pretty scary place. Give you body and mind some time to adjust to the new reality and give your mind some time to work through this stuff. And I third the idea of exercise. For me, I enjoy riding my bike but really any sort of physical activity is good. It will make you tired as well so you sleep better.

Eric


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#325749 - 03/20/10 10:03 AM Re: nightmares [Re: ericc]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
Not to be insistant but it occurs that some may think sleep apnea is a problem for the elderly or fat, it isn't. It can strike anyone.
I personally know a guy diagnosed with it who was in his twenties, slim and fit.

_________________________
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

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#325758 - 03/20/10 11:35 AM Re: nightmares [Re: kidneythis]
ericc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/04/08
Posts: 1961
Yeah, I didn't want to discount any possible medical situation. That should always be taken into account as a possibility and checked out.


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#325790 - 03/20/10 10:27 PM Re: nightmares [Re: ericc]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
I'm not trying to harp but they found I was losing 65% of my normal oxygen when asleep.
The difference tghe machine has made was like being reborn or taken back to a younger age I had so much energy after just the first night with it.
Thats not to say youy won;t have nightmares from normal or csa issues.

_________________________
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

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#325800 - 03/21/10 03:08 AM Re: nightmares [Re: kidneythis]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1963
Loc: durham, north england
It could also just be nightmares. I tend to have one a week or so, often involving s/xual situations, sometimes memories but more often than not just imagery I dislike, but which is probably vaguely normal for a man.

it's 7 in the morning now and I woke up from a fairly extreme one last night, though there was no rational order to that one, or even any images that made sense, just a confused mess of concepts and sensations, ---- one of which was pretty horrifying, though irrational, ---- and it's fairly certain I don't have sleep Apnea, sinse my dad does (and uses an oxygen machine), and my mum is a physio therapist who'd recognize it pretty quickly.

I haven't been able to exercise because of the stupidity of my downstairs neighbors and their complaints about noise and me running on a small trampoline (they also complain about me viciously walking around my flat), but I've just bought a rowing machine.

The only trouble is, I'm not certain how much to do, so always end up over doing it.

I have to set myself some sort of targit with exercise, ---- eg, 30 lifts of the weights, or run for a count of 120 then 15 cooldown, then another 120, but I haven't determined what sort of targit is reasonable for rowing at the moment, especially sinse it's a while sinse I've exercised.

For some reason, i prefer being in control myself an saying "I will do X amount" then doing it, than just setting a stop watch. for a certain time.

Hopefully when I've determined a rowing targit that doesn't destroy my legs too much in the process I'll be better off in terms of sleep and nightmares.


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#325807 - 03/21/10 08:59 AM Re: nightmares [Re: dark empathy]
lungfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/26/08
Posts: 64
Loc: nowhere special nj
hey guys, thanks. I am going to hop on my bike today and get a good sweat going. I have always been an athletic but have really been slacking (pot is not known as a great motivator). I tore up my knees (acl, mcl and micro-fracture surgery) two years ago playing basketball and still can not run. I am also going to ask my doc about sleep apnea, cover all bases.
Eric I could totally relate about going into a different world in dreams. I seem to go to the same place again and again with only slight differences. When I say zombies and vampires they are all monsters. Zombies I can recognize as monsters where as vampires look normal. It is always a fight or flight scenario. Sometimes I have weapons and am a killing machine. The other end of the spectrum is when I am blindly running for my life. I prefer to be alone in these dreams. The worst ones are holy shit I just put this together, I have a young boy I must protect. I can believe I never thought this, the young boy is me. I always assumed it was my nephew or just a non di>
_________________________
"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." Ralph Waldo Emerson

Personally I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like to be taught. -Sir Winston Churchill

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#325808 - 03/21/10 10:10 AM Re: nightmares [Re: lungfish]
TheBobcatAgain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/10
Posts: 507
Loc: AZ, U.S.A.
Hey, Lungfish.

Sounds like you've made a breakthrough realization. Good for you, buddy!

You are not the only one who has nightmares about monsters, just so you know. I've been plagued by nightmares on and off almost my whole life. I've even "died" (been murdered) in my dreams, though I think experts say that one can't die in his/her dreams; the experts say one will wake up just before that happens. Doesn't work with me, though.

Exercise and C-PAP machine. Good advice, you guys. I think I'll take that advice myself.

Bobcat

_________________________
You don't have to be perfect to be wonderful.

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#326927 - 04/01/10 08:08 AM Re: nightmares [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1963
Loc: durham, north england
Well, last night was really quite horrible in terms of nightmares. starting with losing my bag in a gymnasium, to some sort of fight I was in, Everything from me participating in crude s/xual humour, which turned into some pretty horrible and explicite stuff, to watching dr. who being tortured an burned, --- why dr. who? well i'm not sure, maybe because I've been a fan sinse the age of 12 and was watching a couple of episodes last night?

Eitherway, I really! don't feel great today about it, particularly the s/xual stuff.

Any more advice would be appreciated.

I'll try my rowing machine later today, only because i'm not sure how much my body will take, I keep messing things up and overdoing it then hurting my leg and arm muscles which isn't good.


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#326938 - 04/01/10 09:04 AM Re: nightmares [Re: dark empathy]
Walt Offline


Registered: 03/09/10
Posts: 15
Loc: Western Massachusetts
Take a deep breath in honor of yourself.

I have a difficult time waking every morning. Sometimes my nightmares return, not as intense as they used to be, but I wake up depressed every day. Someday, perhaps, I will jump out of bed with wonder in my thoughts again, as I did as a pre-abusee, but the dreams kill my waking happiness.

I don't exercise, though more than one person has told me that it will help to improve my mood. Take the rowing machine gently. If you were actually in a boat rowing, your activity would be very different from that of the machine. For one, you would be using your other senses, vision, hearing, touch much more intensely. I look forward to getting out in my row boat again.

For me the best exercise is when I am in nature, doing things that don't involve complicated machines, but use my body with tools or on hikes that have some purpose.

- Walt


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#326943 - 04/01/10 09:45 AM Re: nightmares [Re: Walt]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
Dark Empathy,
I can tell you this about exercise. the most effective way to build muscle w/o a lot of pain is to take it easy. I use a heart rate monitor so I can see it and try to keep it between 120 and 140 I try to stay below 130. I got mine about 14 years ago when I was working a lot.
You should not be breathing heavily as you do it and you should make certain you are using exactly proper form. If you aren't slow down and do it as slowly as is necessary to use proper form. That is straight back, shoulders pulled together leaning forward from the hips not arching the back etc you get the pic.
Good form done slowly will do more for you than bad form done quickly and with more effort.

_________________________
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

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#326954 - 04/01/10 01:01 PM Re: nightmares [Re: kidneythis]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1963
Loc: durham, north england
Well, up until my downstairs neighbors started being stupid I used to do my weights then run on a small trampette, which workedvery well, sinse i could just time myself, starting at five minutes and working up to 7.5, then 10, then 12.5, then 15, ---- though after that point it got a litle difficult sinse I found more than 15minutes running I'd get completely board and want to do something else.

That's another part of the rowing machine logic, that when i get to the board stage I can increase difficulty not time.

The problem is I just don't know how much my body can take and constantly over do it. i say "right, I'll do 300 strokes" (I prefer to count myself than use a stop watch, I used to do the same thing runing), then find it too easy. Funnily enough it's not speed of strokes that is my problem (I've never been a fast person), it's just amount and power behind them.

Well, I'll start off now with another try.


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#327408 - 04/04/10 11:34 PM Re: nightmares [Re: dark empathy]
DaveyD Offline


Registered: 03/29/10
Posts: 15
Loc: California
I have this horrible nightmare in which I am driving with my daughter and we are going to see the new wonderful place we are moving into. I'm telling her how cool it is and what a beautiful place it is, front yard/back yard, etc etc. The dream is all colorful and upbeat, then when I pull up it is the housing projects I grew up in and where all the abuse was. I always awake at that point in a sweat. I think it has something to do with me wanting to protect her from everything that I experianced and feeling that I will fail. The dream sometimes wakes me up crying. I have not been in therapy for about 10 years, but recently decided that it is time to go ask for some additional help. So ya, that is what is up with my dreams. They can be very challenging.

_________________________
Stay alive, don't drink, don't kill, don't die and you win!

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#327415 - 04/05/10 12:28 AM Re: nightmares [Re: DaveyD]
Survivinguy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/09
Posts: 310
Loc: Colorado
Lungfish - Well we are a good two weeks from your original post but I just now saw this thread. I hope your breakthrough in the dreams has helped - maybe if you can keep conscious of your connection to the boy you are trying to save they will become dreams of victory at some point.

I've had nightmares for nearly 35 years - not every night of course but a lot of them - sometimes horror movies types, sometimes about the abuse and my abusers (odd ones like my primary abuser just walking up and saying hi as if he's still alive and nothing ever happened - i wake up pissed off from those).

If your nightmares continue - some suggestions - you leave a light on in your room if possible so when you wake up it's not as traumtic to come back to the present. You might also fill a glass with ice cubes so you have some really cold water to drink right as you wake up to help you ground. If you journal it might help to write down what you remember so you can focus on conquering the dreams if you remain cognizant during your dreams.

And on sleep apnea - been there! I had three surgeries related to obstructive sleep apnea at about age 36 and I'm not overweight. It's not limited to the elderly or the heavy set folks. I had surgery for a deviated septum, I had a tonsilectomy and a surgery called the UPPP (Uvulopalatopharyngoplasty - where they surgically tighten the skin in your mouth and throat). I don't snore anymore, my blood/oxygen is "normal" and I don't stop breathing while sleeping as often anymore.

Just some thoughts

_________________________
Survivinguy

============================================
I have to survive and I hope to thrive.

Alumni Dahlonega WoR May 2010
Alumni Sequoia WoR March 2012

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#327429 - 04/05/10 07:36 AM Re: nightmares [Re: Survivinguy]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1963
Loc: durham, north england
Well the exercise plan has gone down the tubes, sinse yesterday I dropped off to sleep on my settee and woke up with amazing amounts of pain in my back to the point where standing up is pretty painful.

yes, I'm 27 and complaining of my poor old back!

it's gone down a bit sinse yesterday but is stil there, but I don't need to be a medical expert to say that using a rowing machine right now would be a bad idea.


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#327585 - 04/06/10 10:57 PM Re: nightmares [Re: dark empathy]
lungfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/26/08
Posts: 64
Loc: nowhere special nj
hey surviving guy thanks for the post. Yup, that was I real insight and while typing a post no less. Those are good suggestions. I am going to check for sleep apnea, I wake up frequently during the night. I always assumed I was a light sleeper due to being scared from being attacked in my sleep. I have to sleep face down to protect my crotch. I am hoping to get over that one day because it gives me back pain sometimes. Which leads me to my next point.
Dark empathy or anyone else who might have reoccuring back pain or other types of pain, check out books by John Sarno. I believe that is the authors name. Both my brother and I had bad backs and they really helped tremendously. Basically he says that a lot of pain is due to anger from childhood. That is way oversimplifying but I think many of us can relate. Hope you feel better.

_________________________
"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." Ralph Waldo Emerson

Personally I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like to be taught. -Sir Winston Churchill

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#327593 - 04/06/10 11:32 PM Re: nightmares [Re: lungfish]
alan55 Offline


Registered: 08/19/09
Posts: 202
Loc: Seattle, WA
I have nightmares,too. I'm tied and he's walking around me saying what a loser I am. I'm crying and hot tears are streaming down as I say I'm not a loser....I'm trying to run away and as usual in dreams you can't run fast enough...and he's in front of me everywhere I turn - I get frantic and try harder to run and I can hear a quiet evil laugh. There are others - but I usually wake up in a fright. From what my T has said for me to try is this : When those occur and you awaken, say to yourself Where am I? How old am I? What year is it? It has helped me when my "little boy" is frightened and my "adult" needs to step in and soothe him. It gets me grounded sometimes. Another thing that helps me (and others who have a Significant Other)is to hear my wife of 30 years sleeping soundly next to me. Calm, slow and safe.
I know back pain is miserable. Had it before,too. Not to your extreme,howver. I hope you find a good remedy soon.


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#327794 - 04/09/10 12:14 AM Re: nightmares [Re: alan55]
jls Offline


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
mine usually involve alot of graphic violence, sometimes of a sexual nature, which can be really sordid. Another recurring one is seeing myself in the room I am sleeping in but am unable to wake up while some sort of manevolent force is whipping wind around my head and taunting me. The force I'm talking about is like God only the opposite, not the devil per se, but something evil nonetheless. The scariest part about these dreams is when I'm screaming to wake up but can't, all the while aware that I'm watching myself sleeping in the room. JS

_________________________
Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.


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#327925 - 04/10/10 10:39 AM Re: nightmares [Re: jls]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1963
Loc: durham, north england
Well, my back pain is gone now fortunately, I think it was just from falling asleep on my settee which was pretty stupid, ---- especially as the only reason for it is I like to read before I sleep and sinse I'm currently reading audio books off my desktop which is in my living room, ---- well yes, pretty stupid, ---- especially when I have a perfectly working laptop.

I've now actually made sure I go to sleep in bed, ---- which will help.

I think the absolute worst image I get in my dreams, ---- even worse than the s/xual stuff, is darkness.

On rare occasions I'll just be somewhere normal, and look at a dark object, ---- say a speaker, and a wave of fear suddenly hits me, ---- well fear isn't strong enough, more panic!

I can't say what it is, it's just absolute terror to the point where I wake up trying to scream.

On the occasions I get this sort of image following several more desturbing s/xual ones, ---- well it's bad!

Again I realized this is another thing I use mb for, sinse if I mb, and get rid of those reactions my own way, ---- well I won't have dreams.

Back when I was 20, I tried giving up mb entirely. this worked only because at the time if I had s/xual dreams they weren't quite as umplesant, --- -in fact I'd describe them as romantic, and about love, rather than graffical s/xual.


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#328061 - 04/11/10 09:53 PM Re: nightmares [Re: dark empathy]
jls Offline


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
Darkness scares me too, although I'm attracted to it at the same time because of its nothingness, if this makes any sense. JS

_________________________
Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.


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#328257 - 04/13/10 06:50 PM Re: nightmares [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
lungfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/26/08
Posts: 64
Loc: nowhere special nj
I awoke from a dream last night enraged. I was so pissed. my heart was racing and I was soaked with sweat. That had never happened to me before but I took advice from this thead, centered myself, made myself aware that it was just a dream and went back to sleep. Unheard of for me. thanks guys.

_________________________
"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." Ralph Waldo Emerson

Personally I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like to be taught. -Sir Winston Churchill

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