I have come to peace with this part of my life. I probably could lose the porn bit and just go with fantasy because porn can "move the stick" and get you into deeper things. Anyway, my wife has always been aware of this other side of me. She is convinced that through my healing journey dealing with my abuse, I may find I am cured of the same sex attraction. It seems certain to her that this is what caused it. It seems certain to a lot of very learned people here that this is not the case. I have respect for both but I am certain that nobody really knows.
Reality is that I deal with it and it is not going away. I have accepted it, much like you, for what it is, a fantasy that I know would never fulfill me like the life I am living. Others have different lives and feelings, but that is where I am.
Jls, I want you to know I respect you for your honesty. That honesty and willingness to deal with it are an excellent sign that you will in fact never act on the fanasies. While it is a myth that once bitten you will attack others, it is true that anyone having lived in a world, however brief and secret, where adults have sex with kids and it is somehow OK, is still scarred by it. What keeps the majority of survivors from biting others is because they KNOW what it did to them and could never visit that upon another human being.
Edited by catfish86 (03/19/10 09:01 PM)
God grant me
The Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The Courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to know the difference.