I made a huge step in my recovery process that I never expected. I have been posting and blogging about several things I did while a captive of my uncle. In meeting with my pastor I spoke of this and he seemed prepared for this. Now it is common to hear and necessary to understand that it was not my fault. I did not willingly kill a cat, put a gun to a kid's head and pull the trigger(I missed) nor did I even have a clue what I was doing sexually. What I let that get in the way of was simply accepting God's forgiveness for those things. Even though my actions were forced, I still live with guilt and shame and as a Christian, I got so caught up in blaming my uncle that I forgot to ask for God for forgiveness. It was bought and paid for on the cross and as a child of God I have a right to it.

I prayed with my pastor and claimed that. I asked Him to reach into my heart and rip out the roots of guilt and shame. I also prayed that He fill it with good things. I have been clean of porn for three days although that supposedly had nothing to do with my guilty feelings. I just havenít felt like it.

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God grant me
The Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The Courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to know the difference.