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#324325 - 03/07/10 10:54 AM In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer)
M3 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/04/07
Posts: 1392
Loc: Central Ohio
I just wanted to let you know that MaleSurvivor member Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) passed away last night.


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#324329 - 03/07/10 11:47 AM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: M3]
Ever-fixed Mark Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/02/10
Posts: 728
Loc: United States
Thanks, I didn't know Oliver, but it seems from reading his posts that he made great strides in his recovery. I'm constantly amazed at the resilience of survivors and Oliver was no exception. Yesterday it was a glorious day here in Seattle, I hope he got to enjoy it.

-efm

_________________________

Everybody here's got a story to tell
Everybody's been through their own hell
There's nothing too special about getting hurt
Getting over it, that takes the work

- "Duck and Cover" by Glen Phillips

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#324330 - 03/07/10 12:13 PM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: M3]
Geeders Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/03/08
Posts: 1901
Loc: Peterborough, Ontario, Canada
cry

_________________________
My name is Jim
WoR Mysthaven 2008, Level 2 WoR Alta 2009, Kirkridge 2010, 2011, Oprah 200 men

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#324331 - 03/07/10 12:16 PM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: Geeders]
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
Holy........? What happened? ?


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#324344 - 03/07/10 01:29 PM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: M3]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
so tragic. what a great guy and a great artist.

in case you didn't know him, you can read his survivor story to get to know about his struggles.

this post will show the depth of his character as an artist.

check out his other art and poetry.

rest in peace beautiful soul; you touched many of us with your passion.

with regret,

ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#324349 - 03/07/10 03:01 PM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: Sans Logos]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
What happened to Liri anyway, last we heard from him he was heading home for Thanksgiving a 16 months ago, then I don't believe that he ever posted again. Wasn't he living in Seattle?

Sorry to hear of his untimely death, he seemed to be a good young guy working his way back from one hell of a tough upbringing.

Mark

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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#324351 - 03/07/10 03:37 PM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: Trucker51]
M3 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/04/07
Posts: 1392
Loc: Central Ohio
He decided not to go home for Thanksgiving and I spent most of that December with him in Seattle.

Over the last few months, his father began to admit to and apologize for some of the abuse, he and his mother were trying to rebuild trust in their relationship, but his struggles with anxiety and depression were become a greater and greater battle. Treatments weren't working and he had a suicide attempt last month. He began ECT (Electro Convulsive Therapy) but that wasn't working very well either.

I called him last night to check up on him. He had just hung up the phone when it rang. His mother had just called to let him know a good friend of his back home in Wilmington, NC had passed away. It was a friend who had shared addiction and recovery but where Oliver had succeeded, his friend had relapsed. His addiction had taken his life and Oliver was devastated. We spoke about it and he had promised me he'd be safe. He took his own life last night.

Oliver is an important part in my recovery story. I don't think there is anyone in this world that knows more about me and my story, and I his. He was a very special person. I already miss him terribly.


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#324355 - 03/07/10 04:07 PM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: M3]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
Sorry to hear that Mike, I didn't know that he and you were close. I myself had more than a few buddies from drug treatment go down in flames, it is always hard when somebody that you are close to decides to end the battle. Hope that you don't beat yourself up over what you might have done differently. I feel bad for his family, as it seems that progress was being made. To your credit you tried Mike, gave selflessly of yourself. Sorry that it didn't work out for Liri, it seemed like he was doing a lot better. Don't let this setback stop you from trying again.

We're here if you need us Mike, sorry to hear about you losing your friend.

Mark

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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#324360 - 03/07/10 04:36 PM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: Trucker51]
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1314
Loc: kansas
so sorry for your loss.

_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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#324369 - 03/07/10 05:03 PM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: Obi]
TheBobcatAgain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/10
Posts: 507
Loc: AZ, U.S.A.
Michael,

I am so sorry about your friend. I never knew him, and yet, I feel like I just lost a brother I never knew I had. And I'm very sad for you too, Mike. This feels strange to say to a moderator, but if you would like to talk to someone, I'm more than willing to listen. You probably have all kinds of support already, though. Anyway, I wish you well and I'll pray for you and your friend, too.

Sincerely,

Bobcat

_________________________
You don't have to be perfect to be wonderful.

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#324375 - 03/07/10 05:47 PM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
Nathan LaChine Offline
Webmaster
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/22/03
Posts: 5378
Loc: Washington State
Michael,

Thank you for the call and sharing this sad news, the hardest part of being an online family is not knowing what happen to each other. Oliver was a good friend to you an I. Those few times we all got together means so much to me. Oliver helped me slowly over come greatest fear, accepting my self. For that I will always be in his debt.

Love you always Michael

Hang in there I will check in on yea regularly


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#324382 - 03/07/10 06:32 PM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: Nathan LaChine]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2435
Loc: TEXAS
Hi, my fraternal brother, Michael.

Sorry to hear about a dear friend of yours. My condolences.

I didn't know him, but never the less he was a brother of mine.

May he rest in peace.

Heal well my brothers, heal well.

Little Pete & big Pete.



Edited by petercorbett (03/07/10 06:32 PM)
_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#324395 - 03/07/10 08:58 PM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: petercorbett]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6857
Loc: USA
I feel so sorry about Liri. cry

I feel so angry with the way he was treated as a child. mad

He was a marvelous human being.

Allen

pufferfish whistle


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#324398 - 03/07/10 09:54 PM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
catfish86 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/09
Posts: 820
Loc: Ohio
Sorry to hear of this. I did not come on the site until apparently after Lisi was no longer posting. The despair that leads to this is hard to fathom. I thought I had talked my own brother out of it but apparently not. My prayers are with those who love him.

_________________________
God grant me
The Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The Courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to know the difference.

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#324419 - 03/08/10 02:59 AM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
peanutarms Offline


Registered: 09/06/09
Posts: 33
that is very sad. very sorry even tho i didnt know him.

_________________________
Until the End-Breaking Benjamin

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#326711 - 03/30/10 07:06 PM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: peanutarms]
starving.soul Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/30/10
Posts: 11
Loc: pa
hello all.

please forgive me if i am intruding.

i am Liri's cousin.

(and i find i'm not exactly sure what i want to say).

as some of you know, he left us a few weeks ago.
it is my hope that he has finally found peace.

i am recently returned from services in that redneck carolina town. and had mixed feelings anticipating the event. as my own emotion has wandered from sick to hollow to rage to raw sadness.

it had been five years since i last saw him. at our grandfather's funeral. weddings and funerals are when we all manage to get together. the last few times though, i realized there were similarities between us. in personality and thought. but there was always a distance. some of which i understood. some of which i was "never told". he was eight years my senior. and i'm sorry to say that i never really knew him. as a person.

a personal project of recent years has been to get to know my family as an adult. secrets aside. forming opinions for ourselves. based on our own experiences, opinions, trials, loves, losses, and life. not what we were spoonfed as children. in a conservative christian household, loving or otherwise.

i was actually in seattle on business a few months back, but only for about 36 hours and barely had time to complete my work. i truly regret not at least calling, even if we could share coffee. hell i probably would've smoked with him (although i prefer only the occasional cigar).

and so i stumbled here. out of blind luck really. i was hoping to find some of his poetry. his writing. and in my digging found far more. a piece of him. and arguably a far more pure and honest piece than i had hoped for.

i would love if you could point me towards more. of his musings. or your thoughts. and if not, then i wish you all the best. and i'm glad there's such a community in which it seems he found comfort and support.

salud.


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#326744 - 03/30/10 09:59 PM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: starving.soul]
king tut Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2466
Loc: UK
I just came across this thread. I had heard that somebody had died, but did not realise that it was Liri.

I did not correspond with Liri much, but i remember his artwork and poetry. I just shed many tears seeing this thread. I can tell he was a great man. When i was starting off with my recovery i remember coming across the thread below (that i believe Ron linked earlier). For those of you who have access to the members side, the "Therapy Project" that he has there was very powerful, and it stayed in my mind for a long time. I copied that idea, and have done a similar thing myself. He was a brave guy, and i salute him.

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...0417#Post260417

Lewis

_________________________
"...until lambs become lions"

I love you, little lewis, and i will never leave you. We are the same. You brighten my day, and i will make sure that i brighten yours. Hugs and kisses.


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#326978 - 04/01/10 05:04 PM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: king tut]
Logan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/05/03
Posts: 1205
Loc: NY
I also have just stumbled upon this tread. I had no idea that it was Liri.

I am so sorry Michael. I really am sorry for you and your loss.

His art work is extremely powerful! I am sorry that I never was able to tell him that and much more.

Please, you care or yourself, Ok?

love, your friend,
Logan

_________________________
"Terrible thing to live in Fear"-Shawshank Redemption
WOR Alumnus Hope Springs 2009
"Quite a thing to live in fear, this is what is means to be a slave"
-Blade Runner

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#326979 - 04/01/10 05:05 PM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: starving.soul]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6857
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: starving.soul


i am Liri's cousin.
...
...
i would love if you could point me towards more. of his musings. or your thoughts. and if not, then i wish you all the best. and i'm glad there's such a community in which it seems he found comfort and support.



soul,

I may have some more artwork and poetry from my e-mail.

I wish we could construct some king of an appropriate memorial to Liri

Allen

pufferfish whistle


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#326987 - 04/01/10 05:49 PM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: pufferfish]
king tut Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2466
Loc: UK
Yes, i agree, but at the same time we must respect his privacy with these things. If he didn't share everything with everyone then he may have not wanted to.

_________________________
"...until lambs become lions"

I love you, little lewis, and i will never leave you. We are the same. You brighten my day, and i will make sure that i brighten yours. Hugs and kisses.


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#327049 - 04/02/10 12:33 AM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: king tut]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6857
Loc: USA
Liri's art and poetry were his musings about an abusive childhood. Some of them are very dark and troubled.

Maybe a memorial post could consist of pictures of him and some of his drawings and poetry. It could be made sticky. This means that it would remain at the top of some forum. That way he would be remembered.

Allen

pufferfish


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#327263 - 04/03/10 02:53 PM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: pufferfish]
ericc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/04/08
Posts: 1961
I just saw this. I tend to forget sometimes all the people that are on here at MS, especially when they haven't posted for some time. At first Liri just sounded too familiar, and then looking back I remembered. All I can say is that I am sorry for the loss and I know he really struggled. He sort of disappeared in late 2008, and as it was said we often don't know what happens to people in online communities like this. I wish he could have gotten over his demons and am just sorry to hear the news. Yes, his therapy art photo work was really powerful. I had forgotten about them, but I remembered them instantly when looking at that past thread. I am glad to hear that others stayed in contact with him because I know things were tough for him. My condolences to friends and family, and Liri thanks for reaching out to/supporting me back in late 2008 (he had reached out to me over a tough issue I was having.) I really don't know what else to say, but I am saddened that he was hurting so bad. It is hard to say the right words. I hope there is some peace where he is at.

Eric



Edited by ericc (04/04/10 10:30 PM)

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#338493 - 08/17/10 05:51 PM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: king tut]
starving.soul Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/30/10
Posts: 11
Loc: pa
pufferfish- that would be invaluable to me, if you would like to share. if not i understand. (and sorry to be so long in responding.) [Jo]

i completely respect his choice to share or share not tut, and i mean him no disrespect. we grew up in different times and places. only in the last few years did we have the chance to glimpse each other as more of our true selves. there's a lot more intense emotion to it than that, but.

“How glorious it is - and also how painful - to be an exception.” ~Alfred De Musset


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#338511 - 08/17/10 08:41 PM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: starving.soul]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2435
Loc: TEXAS
Hi, my brothers,

What a wonderful idea. A remberance of what this CSA stuff has cost in human life.

And what it has cost one of our other brothers here, whom was a treasured friend of his. M3..
Heal well, my brothers Allen, Ericc ^& staeving, soul, heal well.

Pete..Irishmoose.

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


Top
#338520 - 08/17/10 11:29 PM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: petercorbett]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6857
Loc: USA
A lot of Liri's art can be found online:

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...0417#Post260417

Pictures of Liri and his friends:

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=263545&page=1

Liri's Story
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...ge=1#Post250677

Liri - adult in Seattle


Well, here we go. The story of my childhood through scanned photos. I put a lot of work into this project, because it is an important control issue for me. My parents were constantly taking pictures of me, especially my dad who also kiddie-porned me. He always was aiming a camera at me (except when he was aiming something else). By posting these pics here and telling the truth of what really went on behind the glossy prints, I hope I reclaim a piece of my childhood soul.


Liri at age 4. "This is the earliest pic I have. It was a camping trip with my parents and I remember it. A skunk was hanging around the night before. I loved being out in nature. This was before the abuse began."


Liri at age 7


Liri, age 7 (Liri's annotation: Notice the herpes outbreak beneath my lower lip. I caught it from my dad somehow.)


Liri age 8 (Liri's explanation: I spent a couple weeks every summer at my grandparent’s farm in the mountains. I enjoyed it for the most part, but they were strict Southern Baptists. Here I am chipping flint rocks on the patio with my nephew before going to Sunday school. 8 years old.)


Liri age 10 (Liri's explanation: Here I am in my grandparent’s basement. Notice the fundamentalist charts behind me.)


"On the ferry one Sunday. My dad abused me the night before. I remember feeling so sick and depressed that day."

Liri noted: "4th Grade. Head of the class and teacher’s pet. Gifted, talented and raped."

Liri and friends (Liri 2nd from left)
"Tenth birthday at the Japanese steak house. My favorite restaurant. My best friends."


Liri in his back yard. "The backyard of the house I live in from 3rd Grade until high school. We lived on 8 acres of wooded land on the outskirts of the suburbs. This is where most of my abuse happened. That’s my dog Taffy. She was super friendly and super stupid. I used to take out my aggression on her."


Liri's Therapy Project (Liri's Explanation: "This is a project I did in an art therapy group last year. The picture is of me at my Arrow of Light ceremony when graduating from Webelos. The bird necklace is something I've hung on to since I was a kid. That is my real baby hair, too")






Edited by pufferfish (08/18/10 12:06 PM)

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#338522 - 08/17/10 11:58 PM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: pufferfish]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2435
Loc: TEXAS
Hi, my brother, Allen.

I,m crying right now, after looking at the pictures of Liri. Oliver Strummer & his art.

I for one didn't know him, then....But i do now.

I started knowing about him, when M3, had mentioned him.

From that point on, i considered him as another brother.

Another one of God's children destroyed, forever into eternity.

Thanks, Allen, my brother & heal well.

" I will take that lost boys hand, and i will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunlight, forever into eternity."

Pete..Irishmoose.

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


Top
#338526 - 08/18/10 12:39 AM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: pufferfish]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6857
Loc: USA
Liri's Art

Glue by Liri


Emergence by Liri


Prayer in the City by Liri


Orpheus by Liri


Luka by Liri


by Liri. Lost and Found.


Lost and Found by Liri



Explanation by pufferfish: Some of the Titles seem to be duplicated or mixed up. I will try to clear this up later.




Edited by pufferfish (08/18/10 01:54 AM)

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#338532 - 08/18/10 01:53 AM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: pufferfish]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6857
Loc: USA
LIRI'S POETRY (FIRST PART)


Liri as an adult living in Seattle



-----------------------------------------------------------
Liri's Statement:
Allen, this past year is the first time I've got seriously into visual art. I've always messed around with it, but I suck at drawing. One of the effects of my abuse has been that I keep a low profile and don't share my work publicly (art, poetry, writing, acting-- I also try to do electronic music, but I'm terrible). Recently, my work has dealt so much with abuse issues, I have a major fear of rejection and retaliation from people in my past. I'll be at a point where I change my name legally next year, so maybe that will help me feel safe enough to be more public. A new friend encouraged me to start reading my poetry at open mics again-- about eight years ago I started getting really bad tremors when I'd read in front of people, especially if the content was abuse related. My general social anxiety has improved dramatically over the past few months, so hopefully soon I will have the courage and confidence to give open mics another shot.

I also have a big problem with my ego. For my entire adult life, I've felt my creativity is all I had to hang onto. I hung my identity and worth entirely on being a poet. But now that I'm growing in so many areas of my life, maybe I'll stop feeling like I need to be the next 21st Century genius to be worthy of life on Earth.

I was raised to be a brilliant prince. I sort of lied in my survivor story-- I was raised in an upper middle class environment with all its privileges and entitlements. My parents expected me to fill this role and I became dependent on the attention I received by doing it. I blocked out the feelings of the abuse by being a little smart-ass precocious prince. I reveled in it.

I've asked myself recently-- do I want this to remain my role/archetype in life. Do I want to remain attached to this role my abusive parents pushed me into? Will my talent disappear if I give it up?

Yes, I want to give it up. I want to be a Healer. I want to be a Lover. I'm finding those roles to be much more gratifying, and paradoxically my creativity increases exponentially when I play the more positive roles.

-------------------------------------------------------


POETRY BY LIRI (OLIVER STRUMMER)

BLUEBLAXXX

-------------------------------------------------------
YE OLDE CURIOUSITY SHOPPE

These are the castings of a hermit, feverish;
The tangled nets of a drained sage,

Whose addled pages fill with a triangulated din,
A crescendo of jangled jetties, unduly charted.

A lighthouse’s circumference is a dead give-away
To the madness required to candle its swing.

A pelican never lies.
An urchin is not a spiky treat.

Upon these pendulant rocks,
Punks have died.
Night Train, high
Tide collide.
Orca off the starboard side.

Periscopic spies blink like serpents
As sea-lions take oaths to defend homebase.

We float now, a web of kale--
A failed gel upon a balding hell.

A sandpiper chances upon a bit of froth,
Last burblings of the Christ.

Sharks versus sharks versus sharks
Riding the gray crest of Armageddon.

Yum, that flakey taste of Blake, the big snapper.
Predictions: short splats on a long pier.

These are rorschachs from a soothsaying delinquent.
His spittle spawns neglect like salmon on a t-shirt.

This freshest catch of maritime revolt.

This is the piling the barnacles
Beat the sculpture park with.

The cabin boy’s secret
Is a stolen sextant.
A glimpse of his
Cunning is our souvenir.

---------------------------------------------------------

WORMHOLE


Relinquish the answer
You found yesterday
In dragonfly battles.

Your honeysuckle crown
Betrays an awkward glitch
At playing Pan
In a playground ditch.

Twin cliffs:
Opposite audigies
Bearing aquifers

Which feed a sniffled Utopia
Populated solely by petshop castaways
And various blacbloc gophers.

This is where a lyre was strung out
Of elven sorrow. At the fox of midnight
Your pine-thatched wrath
Plummets, stoked.

If love were a poison,
May this tincture deafen.

Bury the question with tonight’s trowel,
And awake from tomorrow’s thistled drowse.




---------------------------------------------------------
BURIED TREASURE

The staggered graph ascends,
All scribbles and cross-hatched smears.

Latch-key sewers:
A man, a hole, a rat, a bicentennial quarter.

In fact, an entire coin collection
In a small wooden chest, brass emblazoned—

Once, perhaps the necklace box
Of a Brahmin’s wife, now asphyxiated,

Now betrayed by a moonless jump. Loose
Junk. The jade sphinx was never hers,

Nor the splash of dolphins, zirconic.
The rats ate the diamonds. All the diamonds.

The bloody shredded sphincters
Of all the metropolitan vermin became

The candied crust, the ruby of
Betrayal and the riddle, the town bell,
Of a spun bottle of Cisco.

St. Kelson of the cranelit wharves
In a moonless age of arsenic.

The bluebloods in black towers,
Silicon badges pricking midnight,

Allowing the crude and the gore.
The slope’s slippery to the cathedral.

Clouds of singing rats bash the stained glass.
The treasure’s down in the subduction zone

Where new heroes of the quasar emboss
With their footsteps the mossy sidewalk,

Climbing almost out of reach of Rattus rattus
Into a halcyon extract gnashed by pigeons:

Murders, heists—
pandemic yawns.



---------------------------------------------------------




Edited by pufferfish (08/18/10 12:01 PM)

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#338549 - 08/18/10 11:39 AM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: pufferfish]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2435
Loc: TEXAS

Rest in peace, my brother, Liri, rest in peace.

Your, brother,
Pete..Irishmoose.

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#338552 - 08/18/10 11:45 AM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: pufferfish]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6857
Loc: USA
LIRI'S POETRY (CONTINUED)


FREEDOM

Twisting in the sofa cushions:
Leather soft. Ryan petulant.
The scythe frays around the corner—
Why must every glint suffer an encryption?

Thursday night & the latchkey menace.
Fishsticks. Ketchup. Condominium.
Many prisons. Fewer prisms.
But no television. Wide nor flat.

Nothing but a screendoor slid across
The starfields. Ryan chucks his heart down
To the bluesman’s red-caped panther.
Don’t pant, we squirk in shorts— handclaps.

No. With zoot suits, gats,
Thanks be to Zeus, this Ganymede squirms
With a hipster’s phuture indecision thru
The western lands of his brandnew deathwish.



---------------------------------------------------------
DRAWBRIDGE

Once, as a child, I laughed—
But duct-tape solved that
Crisis. His lips parched
As Cairo. His heart, a Jakarta,
In my throat. Solvents caused,
Of course, that caustic effect and
Atlanta was always going to my groin.

Is it a pixel’s breadth
Or a chasmed chakra that swallows
Our Greenwich moon? And spits
Out Apollo, arrayed in favelas;
Spits him into ditches, glue-fed
And gummed by constellated tears?

Sparkling. Crippling.
The nursery’s apocalypse.
The glitched milk, the horses, the honey
On the livid drapes. Papers,

Wisteria dusted in memorial-- no wonder
Kerosene sears the eyes of
The Beloved. Small missives thru
Our veins, beckoned and thrilled
By Steeple-side dew.

Here at the cliff,
My automobile retrogrades.
This leather jacket cast off—
Sheening with neptunes in the sand.
As cymbals cascade into the wash,
Petroleum and lunar feather. Here,
Our shame is distilled
And the scent, iridescent,
Of basil and shame,
Becomes but distant mileage.

He couldn’t speak
Through the hours
Of duct-tape and rage. Oh, blue boy.
Oh, wisteria. Did you scythe the quiet
In a reversed machete song? Do you now
Curl into a flood of floods?

--------------------------------------------------------
POWER


I learned how power
Tastes like being

Disemboweled. Our
Bodies slung beyond

What we couldn’t very well embody.

This was Ryan’s
Newest truth.

There was something mangled in the corner.

From the ceiling cobwebs clung. Cottonmouthed,

A sock peeks out from under the couch. A pulse

Through this tongue collection. A rubber blur

Post-ignition.
Then they were on their bikes.

Pedaling thru layers of March wind.
Pedaling thru silence that thru us rushed.

One consummate instance posed:
Nothing future but exposure’s

ghosts.




--------------------------------------------------------

INHERITANCE

Shadows behind the breathing scars—
There is no mastery of technique,
When nerve gas is involved.
We mocked truth,
Fled under ignorance. Under
The attic stairs
Where the crucifix sleeps
In asbestos billows. Orpheus
Is stored as well, knotted up
In a garbage bag, temples thumping
Slightly against plastic.
The full moon burning through rafters—
Jehovah of the moths,
Brittle with the years,
Muted by hurricane waxes. Cortex
Of this tight nook, pulses
Like Bethlehem or Nagasaki;
And the continent between them,
Mapped in irritations of mimeograph.
So cold now.
Like a cylinder stuck
In an avine throat. Copy this
Croak, copy this cracking charm.
Xerox these serrated memories,
This corroded stationary.


--------------------------------------------------------

OH RYAN


Oh Ryan: wayward on the docks.
Oh Ryan: crippled in the cousinings.
Oh Ryan: vertigo and charm.
Oh Ryan: the marketplace throbs, suspicious:
Plow on thru, Ryan, big-wheel:
Gritty, aflame, heroic.
Oh Ryan: this world was never yours.
Ryan: so lucky and sassafras.
Ryan: sandbox anarchist, pellet of onyx.
Oh Ryan: this globe has cavities and matchstick
Men congregating, queuing-up long
For your raw sacred sugar,
Your crystalline exasperation,
Unwept and sweeping
With liquids and skeletons.
Oh Ryan: exploring betwixt stalactites:
Might, magic twine, electric torches,
And a taste for epic danger.
Oh Ryan: of the clenched teeth always.
Oh: they tricked you with a plastic treasure chest—
The pleasure forever spastic in your chest—
Secret guessed: tongue of lamb.
Oh Ruin: Oh Ryan:
Your castle has been decimated
For decades to come.


---------------------------------------------------------

AMNESIA


The shipwrecked will all
Re-enlist as cabin lads
In some teal navy. And pillows
Will be Ryan’s only fight left.

But now: turpentine, stale crust.
His war is just
Because. A trident,
Silver prongs, thrust.

My origins were also bowed
By wormwood and incident.
The time Chernobyl ruptured
Time ruptured and I got,
After an afternoon’s ellited
Activision, eroticated.

Now, Ryan & I glow upon the outcropping.
Straddling ledges as the freighters
Slip into amnesia, with an inherent
Sorrow, into the waterways.

Such a miracle to our aftermath,
The swallowing tugboat, keel
Congruent to the cranes all along
The dockyards, scrolling past
With nauts, legends, and lost names.



---------------------------------------------------------

AT THE CINDERBLOCK LIGHTHOUSE


1.

Who will sound again
The bell first rung
When recess was just
A microsaga-- a swingset
To be leapt from,
Into adulthood’s scolding
embrace?

As it slept in a bunkbed,
Dripping urine,
Floating dismembered,
Imagination:

Ours got fucked.

The mathematics prize vaulted away.

Nothing of you but a sticky snapshot

Creased across the
grain. Folded & quartered

Into my zipped pocket.
Now in the stewing black

Of a land laden with cobblestones &
ampersands.
Now I’m trancing

Over the tidal flats. Now I stab my childhood

In the back. Passion heaves. In the muck dead

Things agree.








2.

He came in from the sun—
Ryan Smilac, eleven and thunderstruck.
I was there all along, hiding
Like the photo folded in his pocket.

He came in from the gale to sit
In the sand, on the floor
Of my toolshed, crosslegged.
To let the whipping pines outside
Screen his grief from fierce Apollo.

I found him like a coin muted
In an inner pocket. His song
Glistening in secret. We shall become
An alchemy. As we sit, crosslegged,

With pillars of flame in all
Four upturned palms. Lifelines
Pulsing through the cool acoustics.
It is in this hush we found our
Anchor.

------------------------------------------------------------

RYAN'S CROWN


Going down to the library, I found it in Freeway Park

In Dad’s old brown briefcase, worn & mildewed.

Latch stuttered open: a nest of wide-rule homework &

Ryan’s cardboard crown, black & stapled; constructed

That arts-camp afternoon in rain. Across the brow,

The stroke & flake of sky-blue tempura, “TRUST”.

Eleven points in a tatter of silver stars. I couldn’t

Recall the coronation. Breeze came as I cradled,

Jagged. Dry with two decade’s dust, my lips

Traced forgotten fibers. I couldn’t resist--

It still fits.




--------------------------------------------------------
REVOLUTION IN YELLOW


The boy prince awoke
To a field of yellow in stereo.
It had been a long nightmare--
His eyes still shadowed,

But it was morning and the dew
Clung to his brow naked of crown
Weight. He propped himself up.
From the window: pelicans cycling.
Here is a new day.
Let us melt our sorrow
In butter sun and devour
Chocolate & cashews for breakfast.

This day-- fresh ground--
For a boy whose given robes
Were of deeper royal hues
Fringed with moon silver.

The yellow revolution advanced
On kitten breath. Monarchs
Might get bit
Before bedtime. As usual.

What remnants of innocence
Last night before he fell
Asleep after fellatio?
Or was it just naivety plunged

Into slumber? But the yellow now
Has all the hopes of lemon
Rinds that quench & kill
Teatime boredom.

Open your eyes wide, prince.
This empire needs the warmth
Of your watching. Your black crown,
Cradled on its blue velvet pillow,

Bloomed a fourth dimension
Over the cricket hours.
It shall shield you hereafter
From both mob & master.

Press the middle sapphire
And a hidden garden gate
Will swing a gap open in time
For your escape into these headphones

The crown also grew. So hark these exquisite
Loops that carve the air
Into humming fractals.
Loops that curl the air




Like strumming minstrels.
Hearts that swoop thru air
Like plummeting kestrels.
Hoops of nerves netting air!

Blue prince : Black crown
----Yellow background----
A synesthetic throne.
A scepter of amaryllis.

Do not bow to him--
Less grovel more rock.
Do not kiss his slipper--
It creeps him out.

He only wishes he could smell
The textures of your inner loops.
He only wants to touch that sprig
Of rosemary in your mind.

This is the Theatre of Wonder.
The only humility is in awe.
The only cruelty is patronage.
This castle stage is gelled

Together with strobes & synchronicity.
The universe rules
When to pull
The curtain,
when to drowse
the canopy.

The prince coughs at your censers
Of sativa & poppy. The levity
Of echo & clover sustain him
Pretty purely. Freely. So, play:

Play, Ye Kelsonic Sages!

Play loops and subtle filters!
Play the joy from your shedding scars!

Play for this boy who gushes stars.

------------------------------------------------------






---------------------------------------------------------


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#338563 - 08/18/10 01:06 PM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: pufferfish]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6857
Loc: USA
A Few More Miscellaneous Pictures

and an epitaph by Allen (pufferfish) (in preparation)


Liri, trying to figure it out, said: "My childhood is all a blur"



Driving a little blue car for the Shriner's Circus



Liri with his mother and father



Liri as a teen was a standin in Teenage Ninja Turtles



Liri age 9



Liri was in several theater productions



Liri at age 19 dressed in goth



Liri - another theater production (?)






Edited by pufferfish (08/18/10 01:09 PM)

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#338565 - 08/18/10 01:18 PM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: pufferfish]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6857
Loc: USA
An epitaph by Allen (pufferfish) (in preparation)


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#338578 - 08/18/10 04:01 PM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: pufferfish]
starving.soul Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/30/10
Posts: 11
Loc: pa
puff- thank you so very, very much. i will wander through these this evening when i have the time to experience them fully. and in a more private environment than the office :p

(the links are not working for me for some reason, at least the first two. his story was part of how i stumbled across you all. the tid bits that were scattered for me led me there. and here.)

and thanks to all of you for your memories, love and support. i know enough to know that meant the world to him.

:hugs:

(somewhat.sated.soul.).


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#338641 - 08/19/10 12:12 PM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: starving.soul]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6857
Loc: USA
I have tested all the links and they seem to work for me. I don't know what could be wrong. I guess, try them again.

Allen

pufferfish


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#338642 - 08/19/10 12:19 PM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: pufferfish]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11055
Loc: Denver, CO

starving.soul, some of those links may require you be a full member before you can access them.

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#338650 - 08/19/10 02:10 PM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: FormerTexan]
Mountainous Buck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1626
Loc: Minnesota
Thanks Allen,

For all you do.

This makes me sad....

_________________________
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

“It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

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#338734 - 08/21/10 01:16 AM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: Mountainous Buck]
starving.soul Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/30/10
Posts: 11
Loc: pa
thank you allen, and all of you. i think i got it figured out. i hate learning my way around a new software/platform :P

also. i made it through much of the pictures and poetry last night. :sigh: i will filter through my own collection for things to share. from stories/memories/poetry and such. i regret i have not so many photos at hand.

it is arguably healthier that a little time has passed to process all of this. at least for me. i am a bit of an emotional sponge upon occasion.

~jo~


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#338818 - 08/22/10 10:22 PM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: starving.soul]
ericc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/04/08
Posts: 1961
Allen,

When I first read this thread it didn't hit me right away who Liri was. Sometimes people disappear and you forget until reminded. It didn't take me long to remember who Oliver was as he had reached out at a tough time when I was sort of freaking out over some difficult issues in later 2008. I am just really sad that things turned out the way they did. He had great talent and I really enjoyed the visual art he shared. I hope though that he has found a place of peace and people can keep him in their hearts. I actually had no idea people were still in contact with him. As far as I knew he had just stopped posting. Thanks for sharing.

Eric


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#366050 - 07/16/11 12:34 AM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: ericc]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6857
Loc: USA
The long-promised epitaph for Liri. Most of this was copied from the link given below.
___________________________________________________________________
WILLIAM ROYALL JESSUP JR.

known to us at MS as Liri (Oliver) Strummer

William "Roy" Jessup died on 3/7/10 by his own hand. Roy took his own life after many years of struggle with severe anxiety and depression resulting from abuse by his father and possibly other issues.

He was born in Wilmington, NC, on 4/28/75. He graduated from Hoggard High School in 1993, and from Guilford College in Greensboro, NC, in 1997 with a BA in English. He loved poetry and read and wrote copiously all of his life. Roy's final years were spent in Seattle, WA, where many friends grieve his passing.

Roy is survived by his parents, Bill and Millie Jessup, along with sisters Cheryl Jessup of Richmond, VA, and family, Suzanne Jessup of Queen's Creek, AZ, and family, and Jan Farber of Richmond, VA, and family. A large extended family share in his tragic loss as well.

-----------------------------------------------------

Here are Roy's (aka Liri's) words:

Day dawned brightly on our island

Ring-bills walked unbroken strands,

But time now swirls between our sands,

An inlet flows beneath our hands.

Fishermen call us by different names.

The roar of waves bends us, changed,

But storms' eyes unite us in the rain,

And the tide that ebbs is still the same.

------------------------------------------------------

Published in the Wilmington Star-News on March 10, 2010

http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/starnewsonline/obituary.aspx?n=william-jessup-roy&pid=140562838

-------------------------------------------------------
Note from Allen aka pufferfish

I had always known Liri by the name Liri. But I was not able to find any information about him as "Liri or Oliver Strummer" to finish this epitaph.

Then it became known to me that Liri was given a different name when he was born. His given name was William Royal (Roy) Jessup. That is why I was not able to find information about his birth or death.

I was shocked to find out that the person we all knew as Liri (Oliver) went by a different name at an earlier period of his life. It took me awhile to get used to this. It doesn't change any of the artwork or poetry that I have posted as being his. I assume that Roy was in the process of establishing a new identity for himself by the time I got to know him. I don't repudiate this at all. I think it's probably a very healing thing for some survivors to establish a new identity if their old one is particularly opaque.

I notice in the published obituary that there is a denial of Liri's allegations of abuse. I felt constrained to tell it as I know it. This is what we do in MS.

Allen




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#395381 - 04/28/12 11:19 PM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: M3]
starving.soul Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/30/10
Posts: 11
Loc: pa
An “ode” to oliver ---
[a snapshot of southern dysfunction and Roy’s roots].

I have long since meant to share more with those of you who really knew him. I realize my presence here has been unwelcome to some. For that I am sorry only to infringe upon your privacy, but it has been well-respected on my end. I am thankful for the snippets you have shared with me. Pleasantries aside I still think of Oliver, or Liri as you knew him often. (And I am struggling to keep my thoughts in some coherent format, so please bear with me as I mill my way through…).

I knew him as Roy, you knew him as Oliver. I have come to call him that, for it is the name he chose for himself.

Oliver (Roy) was my cousin on my father’s side. His mother Millie is second of four children raised in Fauquier County, VA to Alice and Jerry. A navy man and his war-time bride. Alice was raised by the matriarchs of a dysfunctional deep South family; Jerry was the son of Alabama dirt farmer before joining the Navy post Depression. Theirs was an odd love born of circumstance, Alice’s stubborn determination to have her way, and Jerry’s willingness to give it to her to make them both happy. They had four children. Pat, Millie, Dan, and Rick. Theirs was not an affectionate household, but was awkwardly loving in its own way. My father is the youngest of the four.

Note: Much of my knowledge of the family has evolved in recent years with the passing of the grandparents and the cleaning out of their estate. Being Depression era children they never threw anything out. Really. Grandpa must have had every newspaper and National Geographic back to the 40’s. And at least 87 flat-head screwdrivers of various sizes. They had two of everything of importance to them, because one couldn’t have something “better” or rather he couldn’t (have anything better than she). He had a nice camera, and took great pictures on their travels, so she bought one just like it or maybe slightly better. She had the garage closed in as an office so he built a giant shed/workshop. Yet they were married over fifty years and have a plethora of progeny.

The children in the family spread to and fro as they married and grew apart. I saw the MO ones the least because of distance. My grandparents retired to Florida when I was six years old, putting them just down the road from my uncle. Millie and Bill were in NC so they were relatively “en route” (which is where Oliver grew up). There are ten grandchildren in the family. Five of which are my siblings and myself. The five of us being younger than the other five grandchildren. (If that’s confusing, I’m sorry. Dad is the youngest of the kids in his family and all of us are younger than the cousins).

[I realize much of this may be inane detail to many of you, or maybe only a few of you will read. But it is in me to write it. And I have long since learned not to interrupt the flow of thought. One of many conversations I would have loved to have with Oliver].

Oliver was eight years older than I am. So by the time I was old enough to know him he was off to college and already struggling with substance abuse among other issues (most of which was not told to me til much later.). I really only saw him a few times growing up, at least within the years of tangible memories. He was always quiet, and contained. But artistic, and introspective. Being older, and in retrospect, I can appreciate much of what I did not realize as a child. In part because I understand the family that much more.

In 1990 we had a family reunion. The one time perhaps, that all of us were together. Roy was 15. I was 7. There are t-shirts and awkward pictures. I remember him laughing. And there were water-gun wars in the hot Florida sun. It was our grandparent’s 50th anniversary. He was close with the MO cousins, being equally removed from the “family way”. Which oddly enough explains why I have less memories with them. They were not around as much either. For better or for worse, the family is very steadfast in their belief system. The bulk of it centering around Southern Baptist traditions and faith structures. Much of them have evolved however slowly from this origin. This is not to speak ill of anyone’s religious inclinations. Only that I have first hand experience with the close-minded judgment cultivated by such perspectives. Oliver was close with the cousin closest to his age. I had the chance to discuss him with her at my sister’s wedding this past spring. I think it was the first time I had seen her in five years; maybe seven. She had disconnected herself from the family due to her affection for older men and an unstable household of her own. I don’t know many of the details, but enough to know she’s made a happy life for herself with two beautiful children and a husband of ten years (17 years her senior). I have my own affection for older men haha, so more power to her for bucking grandma’s approval.

She confirmed that he came out to her sometime in the college-ish years. And she was accepting of him. I cannot convey how huge that is; of importance both for him to have acceptance from the family and for someone from the family to be capable of accepting. Not that they are all bible-beating condemners. But southern Baptists, by nature keep their secrets, their shame, and most anything sexual behind closed doors. And then talk about everyone anyway. It is not unlike a small town. Arguably worse to be “different” in the conservative Christian realm of a small town.

[Again, please bear in mind any commentary I may bring with respect to religion, sexuality, etc. is intended as a frame of reference for the purpose of the memory and story. My own perspectives have drastically expanded past that of my grandparent’s worldview. Arguably so has that of most of the family.].

I remember when Oliver went to California. And being vaguely enchanted by the idea of up and relocating, for a new experience, to be an artist, a poet, a nomad. Later I heard snippets of him being homeless and living in a box somewhere in Cali. To write. Quickly devolving into a spiral of drugs and alcohol; and questionable sexual pursuits. He was brought back to NC, where he entered rehab (again?).

I think I last saw him at my grandpa’s funeral my senior year of college. He looked drawn, but good. More himself…even though I realize that’s an odd statement, given my frame of reference. He seemed more in tune with himself. That is perhaps more accurate. As I recall he was 29 and I was 21. I remember thinking I would very much like to talk to him away from family. To tell him let’s grab a cup of coffee or a pot. And talk about life, and love, and who we are. I wanted him to see I wasn’t like them at all. That I had become my own person. And I would very much like to know him, for himself and no one else. But it never manifested. We had our casual chats on the side as people bustled about. I perceived him as more than mildly overwhelmed by it all. Arguably so was I. The family can be a bit intense in mass concentrations.

My second job out of school, I traveled much of the country on business. This included multiple trips to Washington. On what turned out to be my last trip to Washington before he passed, my mother told me that Oliver was in Seattle, and that she would get me his number from Aunt Millie. I remember being mildly irritated I had not known this far sooner, having traveled in and around the Seattle area at least seven times prior over the past year and change. My trip got cut short last minute and I had no time to ask him to dinner, I was only in Seattle for a few hours, most of it stuck in the airport. I remember thinking, next time, next time I will set something up. Because it would be great to see him, and to get to know each other as adults. [That has been a personal project, to get to know the family as an adult, and to have them know me. Without the secrets. Albeit with a few filters as appropriate for the sake of my mother’s sanity among others. But all questions are answered honestly. I have been working my way through the aunts, the uncles and the cousins. Really, I can attribute some of that to Oliver. Providing opportunity to reconnect. Weddings and funerals are the happy and unfortunate occasions of most such meetings. His was no different in that regard, and yet completely so.]. Hindsight is an evil bitch and I can only fault myself for not attempting reconnecting in spite of my immediate geography falling through. Because I cannot expect he would have thought I would be different. Or that any of us would be.

Oliver’s death impacted me more than most know. Not because we were close, but perhaps because we weren’t. And yet he is the first true loss close to me genetically or in terms of personal relationships. The rest have lived long lives and succumbed to old age, and/or terminal debilitating illness. There have been close connections along the way, but none so close to home. I have learned about myself that while typically being a logical, calculated personality; there are time in which my mind overloads and I am all heart. All emotion. This was the case with Oliver. My family has no idea the extent to which it impacted me. Although they have the diluted version. My friends know far more of the truth. Some of this is intended to protect family. I end up being a protector, a giver, an emotional sponge (admittedly sometimes to my own detriment).

The more I have learned about the family, through the death of each (and both) grandparent(s), the more I have been inspired to seek out each family member as an adult. To cultivate a friendship and a relationship. To be family, no strings attached. To love as we are. Simply that. Oliver didn’t think he had that chance with most of us. And to be honest, sadly he probably didn’t. At least not when we had the chance. Now that the cousins are older and forming our own opinions, I think he might have found a different sort of family.

I knew nothing of the Oliver you knew and loved until his death. His chosen name came out in the circumstances of his death. I took note enough to know it was a way to know him more. And began my search; which led me to your community. Where I found more of a whole. And was tearfully pleased to see he had found his own family. I had gathered through the grapevine that he had found a bit of happiness in Washington (oddly enough on my list of places to relocate, for I find a sense of home there myself). I knew nothing of the abuse until I began my own search into his life. I knew that he was gay and that he had a history of substance abuse, although the details even of that were foggy at best. I didn’t really remember him having sisters actually (they are half-sisters, and no technical relation to me, although in our family we call those “out-laws”).

Much of Oliver’s story is clearer now to my siblings and to some of the rest. The cousins have had our own conversations, although I have not mentioned finding this space. In my mind this is your private haven; that I am happy to have shared with you. They have the same information I had, and can find it of their own accord if they should be of a mind to do so. My younger siblings were too young to know almost any of his story and were broadsided by much of it as his funeral. I aired a fair amount of family laundry actually. A rarely seen temper manifesting through the experience. At my parents, and at his. For what we were not told. Because of any number of reasons. My parents and I are probably closer for it. And they told me much of what they knew when they knew it. Millie and Bill may be the few that know most of the truth about Oliver’s original story. Bill has recently been placed in a home and is well into the clutches of Alzheimer’s. He remembers little if anything about his life, or how he impacted those of others. Millie strikes me as growing old, and harboring a lot of things beneath her façade. At least that is my impression.

We spent a rare day all together (my immediate family) on Wrightsville Beach in Wilmington, the day following the service. My favorite pendant is a white shell worn to a smooth triangular shape with a hole in the center. I picked it up that morning on our walk in the waves. He is not forgotten, even though two years have passed so quickly. I wear the shell often, and it reminds me of him. . [I have every intention of my one day son’s name being Oliver]. I will share more of him with family as they grow into themselves. It may be something that has to wait a generation’s passing for the scars to heal and let the stories be told. But already I have shared glimpses of him with friends and fellow writers, as inspiration among other things.

I thank you all for having let me wander here. I still check in upon occasion and wish the best for you all. My own family’s history has further complicated by the choices of another cousin. Struggling within himself and with his own dogma. Perhaps sometime I will expand that further. Families are curious creatures.

While we are only born with one, I believe that all are dysfunctional and you can love or hate the one you’re given. You can build the family you need out of friends, lovers, and blood relations as they interweave into your life. I am happy to have glimpsed a piece of Oliver’s family here. Much love and thanks for all you did for him.

~Jo

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#395383 - 04/28/12 11:21 PM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: M3]
starving.soul Offline
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Registered: 03/30/10
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Loc: pa
I have been meaning to post this for some time, and finally gave it the final read through....

but today would have been his 37th birthday.

happy birthday oliver!

(you are missed and loved).

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#395395 - 04/29/12 12:30 AM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: M3]
lapchinj Online   content
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Registered: 06/07/11
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Edited by lapchinj (03/17/13 06:38 PM)
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#395410 - 04/29/12 02:11 AM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: M3]
peroperic2009 Offline
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Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3603
Loc: South-East Europe
Hi (((Jo))),
I've just spot this thread and I must say that my heart is breaking while reading about Liri.
So sad story frown
I went shortly through all thread and saw that Pufferfish has posted some Liri's art and poetry. Anyway by reading other stuff I saw Rob's remark about Liri and some his thoughts in thread Our Secret Doors (see page 9 there):
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=218883&page=15

Here are Liri's words from that thread:
"didn't know who I was.
I didn't know I was born into an abusive family.
I didn't know you weren't supposed to be suicidal at 9 yrs old.
I didn't know what innocence was and I didn't know I'd lost it.
I didn't know it was unnatural to be terrorized.
I didn't understand why I was so hypersexualized.
I didn't know it was okay to be gay.
I didn't know why society hated me so much.
I didn't know my wiring had gotten crossed.
I didn't know I'd end up in a psych ward by age 17.
I didn't know I could have escaped if I'd tried.
I didn't know that it was okay to love my life.
I didn't know there were others just like me."

I'm glad that Liri has been living in your memories even you two didn't have opportunity to connect more. You did wonderful and valuable job finding all about Liri and other family members by discovering secrets. Use that knowledge for some good cause as much as possible. In that respect please consider to share with your cousins story about Liri and his life here. Even some of your cousins don't look like interested it could be more than helpfull for some of them to find his full story. You've said that if they wish they could find it. I agree with you but sometimes human beings live more like day dreaming not being aware of important things happening around. So please consider it, there are many many valuable lessons in his story that couldn't being heard in your family, I must say this is very important. His tragedy and unfortunate fate could bring some good things and change some aspects of your family culture/dynamics among new generation - and that is really matter.
Be well!
Pero

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#395449 - 04/29/12 10:22 AM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: M3]
starving.soul Offline
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Posts: 11
Loc: pa
Pero-

Thank you for your words. I do intend to use his story for good. And to share. Many of the cousins have become far more interested in truth and openness than hiding skeletons and what is "proper" by society or religion. Oddly (and sadly) if he had been a cousin on my mother's side he probably would've been loved and accepted. The changes are already in place in my generation. But certainly need cultivation and care.

I appreciate all the love and support you (all) have given him. And also myself. I will post occasionally, as I share with family, face secrets, mixed emotions, and as I work out my other cousin's story.

Regards,

Jo

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#395515 - 04/29/12 08:47 PM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: M3]
starving.soul Offline
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(and Jeff I did not mean to neglect your words either smile much appreciated. Oliver had a sometimes dark perspective on the world...and was rarely capable of voicing it with grace and beauty. if not interwoven with cut and cynicism. Allen seems (to me) among those who knew him best here. I am grateful for all that he has share with me also. One day at a time we heal, from whatever our hurts may be.

I love spring for the new life and beauty hidden everywhere, begging for attention.

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#395540 - 04/29/12 11:44 PM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: M3]
lapchinj Online   content
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Edited by lapchinj (03/17/13 06:38 PM)
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#395541 - 04/29/12 11:58 PM * [Re: M3]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
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Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
O


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/28/13 05:38 PM)

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#395543 - 04/30/12 12:15 AM * [Re: M3]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
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Registered: 03/25/12
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Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/28/13 05:38 PM)

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#395560 - 04/30/12 01:48 AM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: M3]
lapchinj Online   content
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Registered: 06/07/11
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Edited by lapchinj (03/17/13 06:38 PM)
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....

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#395646 - 04/30/12 10:01 PM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: M3]
starving.soul Offline
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Loc: pa
I call him Liri sometimes too smile

you guys are awesome! :hugs:

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#395723 - 05/01/12 01:12 PM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: M3]
lapchinj Online   content
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Posts: 1184
Loc: New York
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Edited by lapchinj (03/17/13 06:38 PM)
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#401837 - 06/26/12 09:12 PM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: M3]
starving.soul Offline
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Loc: pa
For those that want to know...(or maybe because I need to share with thems that knew him best).

Liri's father (and abuser) passed away from a long slow bout with dementia a few days ago. He was in his late 70's.

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#401838 - 06/26/12 09:31 PM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: M3]
lapchinj Online   content
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Edited by lapchinj (03/17/13 06:37 PM)
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#401870 - 06/27/12 02:28 AM * [Re: M3]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
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Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
*


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/28/13 06:03 PM)

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#402001 - 06/28/12 12:14 AM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: M3]
lapchinj Online   content
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Registered: 06/07/11
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Edited by lapchinj (03/17/13 06:37 PM)
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....

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#445379 - 08/24/13 10:13 PM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: pufferfish]
jacquesGSO Offline


Registered: 08/24/13
Posts: 1
Pufferfish and all,
I am a former college professor and supporter of Liri's. Indeed, he was living in my house before he decided to move to San Francisco. The last time I heard from him he was in therapy, but I had long since lost track of him. I am so very sad to read of his passing. He had a remarkable mind and heart. I wish that this had all turned out differently, but I am so grateful he had folks like you in his life. --Jack

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#445399 - 08/25/13 02:04 AM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: M3]
lapchinj Online   content
Member
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Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1184
Loc: New York
Hey Jack,

I didn't know Liri, I came after he was gone. I wanted to post something to one of his threads and that's where I heard of his passing. So many people had written such nice things about him it made me feel like I knew him. I was heartbroken when I found out especially since he was so loved here by everyone. It was a horrible loss and a terrible greeting for me on MS.

I'm sure that your support of Liri had a profound effect on him. It isn't a happy welcome to MS but we're grateful that you found us and were able to add to his memorial page. It was very generous and sweet to write us about him. I'm really sorry for your loss.

Peace, Rainbows, Love & Healing
Jeff
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....

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#451228 - 10/24/13 09:40 PM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: lapchinj]
pufferfish Offline
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Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6857
Loc: USA
I've been trying to reconstruct the images of artwork Liri did while he was in therapy. The original links were to a now nonexistent location in myspace and so they failed. I have many of the images in Photobucket. I have others in my computer but the images were saved in Microsoft Office format and I can't open them without paying for a license for Microsoft Office. I will have to find work-arounds for these problems and I'm not going to be able to finish all at once. Please be patient and I'll try to get them all included with the right captions.

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=451222#Post451222

Pufferfish



Edited by pufferfish (10/24/13 09:42 PM)

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#462146 - 03/06/14 07:41 PM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: pufferfish]
starving.soul Offline
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Registered: 03/30/10
Posts: 11
Loc: pa
Pufferfish,

I may have access to some of the missing photos. I'm traveling for work, but I'll dig through when I get home and see what I can help with.

Remembering him and you all these next few days.

:jo:

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#462160 - 03/07/14 12:23 AM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: starving.soul]
pufferfish Offline
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Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6857
Loc: USA
starving.soul

That would be appreciated by many of us.

I have found a message he wrote me under the name of Oliver. That was before he became active in MS as Liri. The message was exploring the concept of dissociative disorder and whether he might have had that.

Puffer

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#466952 - 06/24/14 04:02 PM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: M3]
latour Offline


Registered: 06/24/14
Posts: 1
I knew Oliver/Liri from college, and I'm so sorry to just now hear of his passing. He was a tremendously smart and creative person, and for the first couple of years of college we were very close friends. We would sit around in his dorm room goofing off while we were supposed to be studying. Or we'd stay up late to watch MTV's 120 Minutes on Sunday evenings - he had such great musical taste and introduced me to a bunch of bands I still listen to today. He was funny and kind and a great writer. And sad. He also had a tinge of instability about him that grew far worse over time. I knew only a little about his past (and nothing specific about the abuse he suffered), but it seemed to weigh on him heavily. After sophomore year we drifted apart - around the time he started getting into drugs more seriously (or so I heard through the college grapevine).

We lost touch after college, until I heard from him soon after he moved to Seattle where I was living. We met up once and he seemed both more settled and much more on-the-edge in some ways. At the time, he was living in a halfway house, and only offered the most general details about what had led him there: the addiction, squatting/homelessness, struggle with depression and anxiety, etc. I never fully knew about the abuse he suffered, although I'd had my suspicions that he'd suffered some intense trauma. Unfortunately, I moved from Seattle soon afterwards, and we lost touch again.

Hearing about his passing is deeply saddening. I'm sorry that I didn't do a better job of being his friend and staying connected. But I'm heartened that he found all of you. My thoughts are with you.

A

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#466976 - 06/25/14 10:36 AM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: M3]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6857
Loc: USA
latour

Thanks for the post on Liri. I'm always glad to hear more about him. I guess there will always be some element of mystery about him. I find your observations quite relevant.

A guy like Liri can often keep his childhood trauma below the level of his own conscious knowledge for many years. But then it forces it's way out and in trying to repond to it the guy can become less well adapted. I think that's what we saw with Liri. Finally he couldn't deal with it at all. It is sad.

We had another guy in MS since then who seemed to have a lot of the same symptoms and problems. We called him LAD, short for Life's-A-Dream.

I got the impression that these guys would have liked it if I were a replacement father figure to them. However there just wasn't enough interaction time to deal with their problems. And I'm not a trained therapist at all.

I started my therapeutic journey in my forties. I started by listening to a panel of radio psychiatrists. I heard a particular guy call in from a state where I used to live. I felt sure that he was my old college roommate. What I heard him say was that his roommate in college had been abused as a child (I was his roommate). That was all I heard. Then they cut to a station break. But if he was talking about me, and I feel inwardly sure that he was, then he had been able to draw conclusions from what he saw of me. I was very surprised and I wish I could have heard more. However it's taken me quite a number of years to be able to talk about what happened to me. Difficult matters.

Puffer

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