Newest Members
mojo, James M, FredM88, Vermona, Jas52
12111 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
-Matt- (39), kevin1963 (51), Northwoods (61), rcb0973 (58), sportinrucks (29)
Who's Online
5 registered (bluesky, SurvivingMe, 3 invisible), 63 Guests and 5 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12111 Members
73 Forums
62495 Topics
438040 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 4 of 6 < 1 2 3 4 5 6 >
Topic Options
#338563 - 08/18/10 01:06 PM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: pufferfish]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6705
Loc: USA
A Few More Miscellaneous Pictures

and an epitaph by Allen (pufferfish) (in preparation)


Liri, trying to figure it out, said: "My childhood is all a blur"



Driving a little blue car for the Shriner's Circus



Liri with his mother and father



Liri as a teen was a standin in Teenage Ninja Turtles



Liri age 9



Liri was in several theater productions



Liri at age 19 dressed in goth



Liri - another theater production (?)






Edited by pufferfish (08/18/10 01:09 PM)

Top
#338565 - 08/18/10 01:18 PM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: pufferfish]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6705
Loc: USA
An epitaph by Allen (pufferfish) (in preparation)


Top
#338578 - 08/18/10 04:01 PM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: pufferfish]
starving.soul Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/30/10
Posts: 11
Loc: pa
puff- thank you so very, very much. i will wander through these this evening when i have the time to experience them fully. and in a more private environment than the office :p

(the links are not working for me for some reason, at least the first two. his story was part of how i stumbled across you all. the tid bits that were scattered for me led me there. and here.)

and thanks to all of you for your memories, love and support. i know enough to know that meant the world to him.

:hugs:

(somewhat.sated.soul.).


Top
#338641 - 08/19/10 12:12 PM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: starving.soul]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6705
Loc: USA
I have tested all the links and they seem to work for me. I don't know what could be wrong. I guess, try them again.

Allen

pufferfish


Top
#338642 - 08/19/10 12:19 PM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: pufferfish]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 10946
Loc: Denver, CO

starving.soul, some of those links may require you be a full member before you can access them.

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

Top
#338650 - 08/19/10 02:10 PM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: FormerTexan]
Mountainous Buck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1626
Loc: Minnesota
Thanks Allen,

For all you do.

This makes me sad....

_________________________
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

“It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

Top
#338734 - 08/21/10 01:16 AM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: Mountainous Buck]
starving.soul Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/30/10
Posts: 11
Loc: pa
thank you allen, and all of you. i think i got it figured out. i hate learning my way around a new software/platform :P

also. i made it through much of the pictures and poetry last night. :sigh: i will filter through my own collection for things to share. from stories/memories/poetry and such. i regret i have not so many photos at hand.

it is arguably healthier that a little time has passed to process all of this. at least for me. i am a bit of an emotional sponge upon occasion.

~jo~


Top
#338818 - 08/22/10 10:22 PM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: starving.soul]
ericc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/04/08
Posts: 1955
Allen,

When I first read this thread it didn't hit me right away who Liri was. Sometimes people disappear and you forget until reminded. It didn't take me long to remember who Oliver was as he had reached out at a tough time when I was sort of freaking out over some difficult issues in later 2008. I am just really sad that things turned out the way they did. He had great talent and I really enjoyed the visual art he shared. I hope though that he has found a place of peace and people can keep him in their hearts. I actually had no idea people were still in contact with him. As far as I knew he had just stopped posting. Thanks for sharing.

Eric


Top
#366050 - 07/16/11 12:34 AM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: ericc]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6705
Loc: USA
The long-promised epitaph for Liri. Most of this was copied from the link given below.
___________________________________________________________________
WILLIAM ROYALL JESSUP JR.

known to us at MS as Liri (Oliver) Strummer

William "Roy" Jessup died on 3/7/10 by his own hand. Roy took his own life after many years of struggle with severe anxiety and depression resulting from abuse by his father and possibly other issues.

He was born in Wilmington, NC, on 4/28/75. He graduated from Hoggard High School in 1993, and from Guilford College in Greensboro, NC, in 1997 with a BA in English. He loved poetry and read and wrote copiously all of his life. Roy's final years were spent in Seattle, WA, where many friends grieve his passing.

Roy is survived by his parents, Bill and Millie Jessup, along with sisters Cheryl Jessup of Richmond, VA, and family, Suzanne Jessup of Queen's Creek, AZ, and family, and Jan Farber of Richmond, VA, and family. A large extended family share in his tragic loss as well.

-----------------------------------------------------

Here are Roy's (aka Liri's) words:

Day dawned brightly on our island

Ring-bills walked unbroken strands,

But time now swirls between our sands,

An inlet flows beneath our hands.

Fishermen call us by different names.

The roar of waves bends us, changed,

But storms' eyes unite us in the rain,

And the tide that ebbs is still the same.

------------------------------------------------------

Published in the Wilmington Star-News on March 10, 2010

http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/starnewsonline/obituary.aspx?n=william-jessup-roy&pid=140562838

-------------------------------------------------------
Note from Allen aka pufferfish

I had always known Liri by the name Liri. But I was not able to find any information about him as "Liri or Oliver Strummer" to finish this epitaph.

Then it became known to me that Liri was given a different name when he was born. His given name was William Royal (Roy) Jessup. That is why I was not able to find information about his birth or death.

I was shocked to find out that the person we all knew as Liri (Oliver) went by a different name at an earlier period of his life. It took me awhile to get used to this. It doesn't change any of the artwork or poetry that I have posted as being his. I assume that Roy was in the process of establishing a new identity for himself by the time I got to know him. I don't repudiate this at all. I think it's probably a very healing thing for some survivors to establish a new identity if their old one is particularly opaque.

I notice in the published obituary that there is a denial of Liri's allegations of abuse. I felt constrained to tell it as I know it. This is what we do in MS.

Allen




Top
#395381 - 04/28/12 11:19 PM Re: In memory of... Liri (aka Oliver Strummer) [Re: M3]
starving.soul Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/30/10
Posts: 11
Loc: pa
An “ode” to oliver ---
[a snapshot of southern dysfunction and Roy’s roots].

I have long since meant to share more with those of you who really knew him. I realize my presence here has been unwelcome to some. For that I am sorry only to infringe upon your privacy, but it has been well-respected on my end. I am thankful for the snippets you have shared with me. Pleasantries aside I still think of Oliver, or Liri as you knew him often. (And I am struggling to keep my thoughts in some coherent format, so please bear with me as I mill my way through…).

I knew him as Roy, you knew him as Oliver. I have come to call him that, for it is the name he chose for himself.

Oliver (Roy) was my cousin on my father’s side. His mother Millie is second of four children raised in Fauquier County, VA to Alice and Jerry. A navy man and his war-time bride. Alice was raised by the matriarchs of a dysfunctional deep South family; Jerry was the son of Alabama dirt farmer before joining the Navy post Depression. Theirs was an odd love born of circumstance, Alice’s stubborn determination to have her way, and Jerry’s willingness to give it to her to make them both happy. They had four children. Pat, Millie, Dan, and Rick. Theirs was not an affectionate household, but was awkwardly loving in its own way. My father is the youngest of the four.

Note: Much of my knowledge of the family has evolved in recent years with the passing of the grandparents and the cleaning out of their estate. Being Depression era children they never threw anything out. Really. Grandpa must have had every newspaper and National Geographic back to the 40’s. And at least 87 flat-head screwdrivers of various sizes. They had two of everything of importance to them, because one couldn’t have something “better” or rather he couldn’t (have anything better than she). He had a nice camera, and took great pictures on their travels, so she bought one just like it or maybe slightly better. She had the garage closed in as an office so he built a giant shed/workshop. Yet they were married over fifty years and have a plethora of progeny.

The children in the family spread to and fro as they married and grew apart. I saw the MO ones the least because of distance. My grandparents retired to Florida when I was six years old, putting them just down the road from my uncle. Millie and Bill were in NC so they were relatively “en route” (which is where Oliver grew up). There are ten grandchildren in the family. Five of which are my siblings and myself. The five of us being younger than the other five grandchildren. (If that’s confusing, I’m sorry. Dad is the youngest of the kids in his family and all of us are younger than the cousins).

[I realize much of this may be inane detail to many of you, or maybe only a few of you will read. But it is in me to write it. And I have long since learned not to interrupt the flow of thought. One of many conversations I would have loved to have with Oliver].

Oliver was eight years older than I am. So by the time I was old enough to know him he was off to college and already struggling with substance abuse among other issues (most of which was not told to me til much later.). I really only saw him a few times growing up, at least within the years of tangible memories. He was always quiet, and contained. But artistic, and introspective. Being older, and in retrospect, I can appreciate much of what I did not realize as a child. In part because I understand the family that much more.

In 1990 we had a family reunion. The one time perhaps, that all of us were together. Roy was 15. I was 7. There are t-shirts and awkward pictures. I remember him laughing. And there were water-gun wars in the hot Florida sun. It was our grandparent’s 50th anniversary. He was close with the MO cousins, being equally removed from the “family way”. Which oddly enough explains why I have less memories with them. They were not around as much either. For better or for worse, the family is very steadfast in their belief system. The bulk of it centering around Southern Baptist traditions and faith structures. Much of them have evolved however slowly from this origin. This is not to speak ill of anyone’s religious inclinations. Only that I have first hand experience with the close-minded judgment cultivated by such perspectives. Oliver was close with the cousin closest to his age. I had the chance to discuss him with her at my sister’s wedding this past spring. I think it was the first time I had seen her in five years; maybe seven. She had disconnected herself from the family due to her affection for older men and an unstable household of her own. I don’t know many of the details, but enough to know she’s made a happy life for herself with two beautiful children and a husband of ten years (17 years her senior). I have my own affection for older men haha, so more power to her for bucking grandma’s approval.

She confirmed that he came out to her sometime in the college-ish years. And she was accepting of him. I cannot convey how huge that is; of importance both for him to have acceptance from the family and for someone from the family to be capable of accepting. Not that they are all bible-beating condemners. But southern Baptists, by nature keep their secrets, their shame, and most anything sexual behind closed doors. And then talk about everyone anyway. It is not unlike a small town. Arguably worse to be “different” in the conservative Christian realm of a small town.

[Again, please bear in mind any commentary I may bring with respect to religion, sexuality, etc. is intended as a frame of reference for the purpose of the memory and story. My own perspectives have drastically expanded past that of my grandparent’s worldview. Arguably so has that of most of the family.].

I remember when Oliver went to California. And being vaguely enchanted by the idea of up and relocating, for a new experience, to be an artist, a poet, a nomad. Later I heard snippets of him being homeless and living in a box somewhere in Cali. To write. Quickly devolving into a spiral of drugs and alcohol; and questionable sexual pursuits. He was brought back to NC, where he entered rehab (again?).

I think I last saw him at my grandpa’s funeral my senior year of college. He looked drawn, but good. More himself…even though I realize that’s an odd statement, given my frame of reference. He seemed more in tune with himself. That is perhaps more accurate. As I recall he was 29 and I was 21. I remember thinking I would very much like to talk to him away from family. To tell him let’s grab a cup of coffee or a pot. And talk about life, and love, and who we are. I wanted him to see I wasn’t like them at all. That I had become my own person. And I would very much like to know him, for himself and no one else. But it never manifested. We had our casual chats on the side as people bustled about. I perceived him as more than mildly overwhelmed by it all. Arguably so was I. The family can be a bit intense in mass concentrations.

My second job out of school, I traveled much of the country on business. This included multiple trips to Washington. On what turned out to be my last trip to Washington before he passed, my mother told me that Oliver was in Seattle, and that she would get me his number from Aunt Millie. I remember being mildly irritated I had not known this far sooner, having traveled in and around the Seattle area at least seven times prior over the past year and change. My trip got cut short last minute and I had no time to ask him to dinner, I was only in Seattle for a few hours, most of it stuck in the airport. I remember thinking, next time, next time I will set something up. Because it would be great to see him, and to get to know each other as adults. [That has been a personal project, to get to know the family as an adult, and to have them know me. Without the secrets. Albeit with a few filters as appropriate for the sake of my mother’s sanity among others. But all questions are answered honestly. I have been working my way through the aunts, the uncles and the cousins. Really, I can attribute some of that to Oliver. Providing opportunity to reconnect. Weddings and funerals are the happy and unfortunate occasions of most such meetings. His was no different in that regard, and yet completely so.]. Hindsight is an evil bitch and I can only fault myself for not attempting reconnecting in spite of my immediate geography falling through. Because I cannot expect he would have thought I would be different. Or that any of us would be.

Oliver’s death impacted me more than most know. Not because we were close, but perhaps because we weren’t. And yet he is the first true loss close to me genetically or in terms of personal relationships. The rest have lived long lives and succumbed to old age, and/or terminal debilitating illness. There have been close connections along the way, but none so close to home. I have learned about myself that while typically being a logical, calculated personality; there are time in which my mind overloads and I am all heart. All emotion. This was the case with Oliver. My family has no idea the extent to which it impacted me. Although they have the diluted version. My friends know far more of the truth. Some of this is intended to protect family. I end up being a protector, a giver, an emotional sponge (admittedly sometimes to my own detriment).

The more I have learned about the family, through the death of each (and both) grandparent(s), the more I have been inspired to seek out each family member as an adult. To cultivate a friendship and a relationship. To be family, no strings attached. To love as we are. Simply that. Oliver didn’t think he had that chance with most of us. And to be honest, sadly he probably didn’t. At least not when we had the chance. Now that the cousins are older and forming our own opinions, I think he might have found a different sort of family.

I knew nothing of the Oliver you knew and loved until his death. His chosen name came out in the circumstances of his death. I took note enough to know it was a way to know him more. And began my search; which led me to your community. Where I found more of a whole. And was tearfully pleased to see he had found his own family. I had gathered through the grapevine that he had found a bit of happiness in Washington (oddly enough on my list of places to relocate, for I find a sense of home there myself). I knew nothing of the abuse until I began my own search into his life. I knew that he was gay and that he had a history of substance abuse, although the details even of that were foggy at best. I didn’t really remember him having sisters actually (they are half-sisters, and no technical relation to me, although in our family we call those “out-laws”).

Much of Oliver’s story is clearer now to my siblings and to some of the rest. The cousins have had our own conversations, although I have not mentioned finding this space. In my mind this is your private haven; that I am happy to have shared with you. They have the same information I had, and can find it of their own accord if they should be of a mind to do so. My younger siblings were too young to know almost any of his story and were broadsided by much of it as his funeral. I aired a fair amount of family laundry actually. A rarely seen temper manifesting through the experience. At my parents, and at his. For what we were not told. Because of any number of reasons. My parents and I are probably closer for it. And they told me much of what they knew when they knew it. Millie and Bill may be the few that know most of the truth about Oliver’s original story. Bill has recently been placed in a home and is well into the clutches of Alzheimer’s. He remembers little if anything about his life, or how he impacted those of others. Millie strikes me as growing old, and harboring a lot of things beneath her façade. At least that is my impression.

We spent a rare day all together (my immediate family) on Wrightsville Beach in Wilmington, the day following the service. My favorite pendant is a white shell worn to a smooth triangular shape with a hole in the center. I picked it up that morning on our walk in the waves. He is not forgotten, even though two years have passed so quickly. I wear the shell often, and it reminds me of him. . [I have every intention of my one day son’s name being Oliver]. I will share more of him with family as they grow into themselves. It may be something that has to wait a generation’s passing for the scars to heal and let the stories be told. But already I have shared glimpses of him with friends and fellow writers, as inspiration among other things.

I thank you all for having let me wander here. I still check in upon occasion and wish the best for you all. My own family’s history has further complicated by the choices of another cousin. Struggling within himself and with his own dogma. Perhaps sometime I will expand that further. Families are curious creatures.

While we are only born with one, I believe that all are dysfunctional and you can love or hate the one you’re given. You can build the family you need out of friends, lovers, and blood relations as they interweave into your life. I am happy to have glimpsed a piece of Oliver’s family here. Much love and thanks for all you did for him.

~Jo

Top
Page 4 of 6 < 1 2 3 4 5 6 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.