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#323836 - 03/02/10 07:58 PM Overcoming isolation
TheBobcatAgain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/10
Posts: 507
Loc: AZ, U.S.A.
How many other people here feel isolated and/or alone? How many are afraid to go out into public? Has anyone here felt isolated and managed to overcome it, or is in the process of overcoming it? Your stories and/or advice would really help me, and probably others as well.

As per my therapist, I'm starting this topic to get some advice from you guys. I haven't worked in 6 years, because I feel really tense in new situations, such as a new work place. My therapist has suggested volunteering somewhere first, as I would be able to come and go on my own schedule, and I wouldn't have to worry about doing everything perfectly or getting fired, etc. It's a good suggestion, but I'm still reluctant to try.

Has anyone else had this problem? Does anyone have any advice to give? I'd appreciate any comments. Thank you in advance.

Bobcat

_________________________
You don't have to be perfect to be wonderful.

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#323839 - 03/02/10 08:22 PM Re: Overcoming isolation [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2578
I've always been and felt isolated. Even when around others I usually manage to keep space and distance between myself and others.

I think being alone is one of my biggest struggles, and I'm married, so one would assume otherwise. Sadly I've managed to keep my wife at a distance in order to "keep myself safe.".

I think I'm working on it, but it's hard to say. Some days I feel like I am progressing and others day it feels like I'm still where I started.


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#324023 - 03/04/10 10:54 AM Re: Overcoming isolation [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
westchesterguy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/13/09
Posts: 421
Loc: Westchester County NY
Originally Posted By: TheBobcatAgain
How many other people here feel isolated and/or alone?...


yes to feeling isolated and being alone. i am not afraid to go out in public - however i am restricted to where i can go out in public. due to my high profile job, i cannot go to a gay bar or a gay event where i could be recognized for an example. that presents a lot of issues for meeting new mates.

i believe that i understand your post and i really hope some can give you advice. is it possible for you to seek a mentor through your therapist? a pal who understands the issue and may accompany you through the "overcoming" process in public? he could almost help ease you into this, so the uneasiness subsides in time, no?

outside of that, and whether rightly or wrongly given the healing mission here, i'm just trying to find how best to be happy living in isolation. the online life makes me feel more isolated, because it is all fantasy in my view.

i've found great solace working with my hands - creating things, furniture, gardens, tiling, painting, etc. i dream of not being alone, but must accept that being alone is what god or nature intended at this late stage in life.

_________________________
Jeff

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#324039 - 03/04/10 03:07 PM Re: Overcoming isolation [Re: westchesterguy]
TheBobcatAgain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/10
Posts: 507
Loc: AZ, U.S.A.
Hey, Jeff.

I'm sorry that you feel so alone and unable to find mates. That's rough. I used to be in a similar situation. A family member used to be in politics, and as a result, I grew up living in a "goldfish bowl" (meaning that society felt our private lives should be public knowledge). I was always scared to death as a child that I would do something wrong, and that my face and that of the politician family member would be on the front page of the newspaper! Just one MORE reason why I kept my abuse hidden deep down for so many years...

Anyway, I just wanted to say to you that society should be ashamed of keeping individuals in fear of seeking their own happiness; it is a right to pursue happiness, isn't it? WHY CAN'T WE, AS A SOCIETY, JUST LET PEOPLE BE WHO THEY WANT TO BE? WHY do we have to judge EVERYTHING in someone else's life, when in fact, it's really NONE OF OUR BUSINESS? Unless it's illegal or immoral, of course. But sometimes I just don't understand WHY I have to live in constant fear of what others will think of me, when, in fact, I don't even need their permission to be who I want to be!!!

Sorry, I got a little emotional there, AND I twisted this thread quite a bit. I'm just trying to say that I don't think it's your fault you feel so alone, Jeff. It's your problem, unfortunately; but I don't think it is your fault. I think it's society's fault, if anyone's.

Anyway, sorry for the outburst.

If anyone has any other comments or advice, I'll be sure to think before I write next time. smile

Bobcat

_________________________
You don't have to be perfect to be wonderful.

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#324057 - 03/04/10 05:14 PM Re: Overcoming isolation [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
westchesterguy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/13/09
Posts: 421
Loc: Westchester County NY
Originally Posted By: TheBobcatAgain
.. I'm just trying to say that I don't think it's your fault you feel so alone, Jeff. It's your problem, unfortunately; but I don't think it is your fault. I think it's society's fault, if anyone's.


hi bobcat. i agree to a point on some of these isolation issues are society's issues too. but that doesn't help me, nor does it help you in my opinion.

sounds to me that you need to break out of being isolated so that you can find/hold a job, which is most necessary for living independently. i need to break out of this job, so that i can be free of isolation. but i need to break out responsibly... and find another job (which is almost as rare a chance as finding a single man in his 40s within 20 miles lol.)

actually, we have a similar issue. both trapped, but for different reasons.

"break out now while you still can" at a young age. :-) force yourself!

while it may be sarcastic it is also serious. i believe younger men today are far more open to helping each other than they were when i was in my 20s. younger men are more aware, they already do accept their gay buds, that was not the case in the '80s. i know i'm generalizing some, but that is why i felt a 'mentor' of sorts might help you.

_________________________
Jeff

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#324202 - 03/05/10 08:55 PM Re: Overcoming isolation [Re: JustScott]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
JustScott,
I can relate. I find I need to learn how to do social interaction beyond the very superficial. I mean buy milk and smile/nod at people in the elevator superficial.

I can also relate to the moving ahead then falling back nature of how it feels to deal with this issue.

I had a victory today some lowlife who had my number (figuratively) and kept pushing it because it was fun to see me go off on him and justified his not doing what was right, blew it by giving himself away. Well they all do but most often I'm so agitated I can't see it. When I hung up I wasn't as wound up as I was on the phone with him. As I evaluated what went down I realized he was doing it on purpose and gave it away as he thought me so stupid.
I ended up getting some results by calling around him and people actually responded to me properly and I got someone to the house to look at the problem. Ok then it went back to treat me like an idiot time but I made it pretty far and I got a gaurantee someone will come out monday to test the equipment in question. So I actually di well twice.
Hope the fallback isn't too bad :-]

Be well Scott

_________________________
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

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#324228 - 03/06/10 09:22 AM Re: Overcoming isolation [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
earlybird Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/10
Posts: 1007
Loc: WA USA
Bobcat,
You and I have had long conversations over my feelings of isolation. Your counsel has helped me take flight. I want to be part of the upcoming events that sets you free to roam. Iím thrilled we are going to finally meet at Wor. Maybe, with the support of others, we will both be free to explore our natural habitats. Earlybird




Edited by earlybird (03/06/10 09:23 AM)
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Balanced (My goal)

There is symmetry
In self-reflection
Life exemplified
Grace personified

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