Newest Members
RodrigoBR, MJ545, Marant, BeingFound, journey4two
12332 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
blueelectron9 (48), Grunty1967b (2014), highflight (42), jocks44 (54), kitm1 (47), Porrick (44)
Who's Online
0 registered (), 15 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12332 Members
74 Forums
63413 Topics
443353 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#323227 - 02/24/10 10:02 PM Wounded
Casmir213 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/09
Posts: 845
Loc: Northeast, USA
You know how in the animal kingdom a wounded animal is considered to be very dangerous because of it's woundedness. Somehow it knows it's very vulnerable and because of this it steps up it's defenses. Well, there is a parallel to this type of reaction/experience in the world of humans, and we as survivors are that parallel. First of all having been preprogrammed into an identity and belief system of a victim I walk around looking for opportunities to be re-victimized, although not in a sexual way, but just in a general way. To go along with this mentality is an over-reaction to perceived slights that causes me to not want to be around others, because I just can't deal with having to show my woundedness. But then again, it's like I just have to have an understanding between myself and others, if I am going to be around them for any length of time, that I need my space and indeed am a walking wounded individual.

Once others understand this about me I tend to feel better being around them, but there has always been shame involved in revealing this "defect" about myself. I actually hate this aspect of my personality, as I wish I could be just like I perceive others to be, as spontaneous and free to be themselves as they want to be. Having said this, I think I've made some progress as a result of recovery and being here at MS, in that I'm more aware of why I react the way I do, and, hopefully, because of this awareness I can learn to be more accepting of myself and my woundedness. Although it's has always been an unbecoming thing for me, as I react to my woundedness in a way similar to how a wounded animal would react if it got wounded, I hope that I can somehow learn to simply be "wounded" and to perhaps show some of my vulnerability.

Lately I've been covering the same old ground that I've been through time and time again in my past, except now I'm understanding why I am this way, whereas before I hadn't a clue as to the why's of my reactions and identity, and now I've gotten to a point of almost acceptance, whereas before I denied and resisted acceptance of my woundedness.

Take care, and if you've up to this point, thank you,

Rocco

_________________________
I see recovery as a lifelong journey rather than a final destination, a journey, though, which can have many successes along the way.

WoR Alumnus - Hope Springs, OH, October 2009

My avatar is the farmhouse at the Hope Spring, OH WoR. It's a nice place.

Top
#323236 - 02/24/10 11:26 PM Re: Wounded [Re: Casmir213]
ericc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/04/08
Posts: 1961
Rocco,

Good post. Looking back there were so many times I lashed out or overly reacted. It doesn't even make sense in that my responses were not even rational to the situation. But I guess I am too starting to understand why maybe I was this way. I still carry around quite a bit of guilt and shame related to these things. But hopefully I can start to be a little more easy on myself given the circumstances behind everything. Thanks for bringing this up.

Eric


Top
#323269 - 02/25/10 12:22 PM . [Re: ericc]
bardo213 Offline
Guest

Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 811
.


Edited by bardo213 (06/21/13 09:49 PM)

Top
#323271 - 02/25/10 01:05 PM Re: Wounded [Re: Casmir213]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
Originally Posted By: Casmir213
Well, there is a parallel to this type of reaction/experience in the world of humans, and we as survivors are that parallel. First of all having been preprogrammed into an identity and belief system of a victim I walk around looking for opportunities to be re-victimized, although not in a sexual way, but just in a general way. To go along with this mentality is an over-reaction to perceived slights that causes me to not want to be around others, because I just can't deal with having to show my woundedness.

Maybe this helps you but this is what I see;
Well this strikes me as a little off. I immediatley was alerted to what has been done to you here.
Yes part of how you see things is your abuse making you more aware of abusive people and attempts to insult your dignity or person. That does not automatically make your wariness wrong or all things you alert to actually harmless. You are not looking for opportunities to be revictimized. Whoever got you thinking this is not your friend.
Most abusive people and manipulatives who would have you think them friend will want you to think it was only an unintentional slight. Rarely does a nonslighting person do anything other than profusely apologize after once denying the intent. Only the abusive or those with bad intent continue on to encourage you to doubt yourself.
I'm rambling a bit. My point is that you should trust your reactions as they are more than likely correct. You are after all more aware than others of these things.
I have met no abuse victims whose reactions to things others overlook or just put on the list to act upon later, (yes they mostly do that) were in anyway wrong. It's you calling attention to it that they find wrong, not the reaction, though they might call your bringing attention to it the reaction. You calling attention to it makes them be on the spot to admit or deny they are aware of it.

YOU are not preprogrammed as you aren't a computer. You are overly familiar with having been a victim which makes you more alert to that danger. That is how animals learn. If you think others are safe and are still having that reaction maybe one of them isn't so safe. I'd think that before I doubt a reaction that has never failed me. I have failed it by using that double speak crap to ignore it, but the reaction is always correct. The bastards who taught me that crap and projected it upon me were doing it to get me to act as they wished not for my benefit.





Edited by kidneythis (02/25/10 02:27 PM)
_________________________
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

Top
#323303 - 02/25/10 05:41 PM Re: Wounded [Re: kidneythis]
Casmir213 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/09
Posts: 845
Loc: Northeast, USA
Thanks gents, for taking the time to read and respond. It's great to get input and feedback from you guys.

I am going to seriously consider the feedback I've received, as I think it will be very helpful for me to take into account your perspectives on the experience I've related to you here. And also, what I've read is very much in line with what I've been thinking about with regard to this post.

I sincerely thank you once again,

Rocco

_________________________
I see recovery as a lifelong journey rather than a final destination, a journey, though, which can have many successes along the way.

WoR Alumnus - Hope Springs, OH, October 2009

My avatar is the farmhouse at the Hope Spring, OH WoR. It's a nice place.

Top
#323339 - 02/26/10 01:01 AM Re: Wounded [Re: Casmir213]
ericc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/04/08
Posts: 1961
This brought up more thoughts for me. So many times I never listened to my intuition. I didn't realize it at the time, but in retrospect I see because of fear or anxiety or something else, I wouldn't really take heed of what my internal messages were telling me. I didn't have a lot of self-esteem to turn my back on what I knew on some level were bad situations.

I was biking down a street this evening that although not real rough has a little seediness to it. I started thinking how these seedy areas become a gathering place for the broken, some of them hunter and some of them hunted. You can just feel the tension that exists and defensiveness that needs to be heeded when you are in such an area.

I have had fear in the past that I might be irreparably broke to such an extent that I was destined to end up in such a place. I felt I probably didn't deserve any better. And yet those kinds of places are really not where I would want to be. I guess one of my goals in trying to get better is to make sure I don't end up on some "mean street" somewhere in a state of perpetual agitated defensiveness fighting off the animals. Fortunately, I have become much stronger than that these days. I also feel that I just flat out deserve better. Just the very existence of these places and the realities that exist within them blow my mind the more I think about it all. Of course on a lower level this stuff happens everywhere.

I was told once I had good intuition, I just needed to learn to listen to and act upon it. I think I have moved more in that direction.

Eric


Top
#323406 - 02/26/10 06:19 PM Re: Wounded [Re: ericc]
Casmir213 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/09
Posts: 845
Loc: Northeast, USA
Eric,

There are a lot of people out there that could use help. One of the things that motivates me in my recovery is that one day I'll be in a position to help those people, as, like you, I see myself in them. What separates those in recovery from those who haven't had the opportunity to recover? The more and more I think about that question the more I think it's not all that much that separates us from those worse off than us. It's so easy for us to be done in by our circumstances.

On a different note, I think the point that you bring up about trusting your instincts and how in the past you didn't do that, but now have sensed that you are becoming stronger in this regard is a definite sign that recovery works. It sounds like you're headed in a good direction with that. I wish you further progress.

Take it easy,

Rocco

_________________________
I see recovery as a lifelong journey rather than a final destination, a journey, though, which can have many successes along the way.

WoR Alumnus - Hope Springs, OH, October 2009

My avatar is the farmhouse at the Hope Spring, OH WoR. It's a nice place.

Top


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.