Newest Members
Mike Boyd, Serenity40, markm, hans32, SilentNoLonger
12133 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
bluestar7 (45), ferdie1949 (65), jonathan (57), LovingFriend (27), tjp42588 (26)
Who's Online
2 registered (atari_kid86, 1 invisible), 53 Guests and 2 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12133 Members
73 Forums
62567 Topics
438394 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 1 of 5 1 2 3 4 5 >
Topic Options
#318937 - 01/14/10 11:29 PM Kidnap Survival ***TRIGGERS***
catfish86 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/09
Posts: 819
Loc: Ohio
---Trigger Warning---

Maybe I am experiencing survivor guilt, but one thing I wonder is why did I live through it. During the initial rape I screamed/cried. My abuser put his hand over my mouth and other hand around my throat, I was pretty much passing out when he finished and let go. It had nothing to do with a decision not to kill me. He watched me for a moment as if to see if I would breath, then kicked me and told me to get my ass in the truck. At another point, he forced me into oral sex and literally choked me with it while pleasuring himself, again only stopping when he had satisfied himself. He played russian roulette with my brother and had me do the same with another kid (gun actually went off but I missed). Not to mention he actually killed animals in front of me, including pets, and had me participate. All of which leads me to wonder why I didn't die.

His general demeanor during the ordeal leads me to believe he probably had killed a boy if not before me, then since. Essentially, the kidnapper was my uncle (father's brother). It ended when my mother came and took us back (no small task, she literally had to escape with a ten and an eight yo boy). The sheriff, although he made sure we got out of the county, did nothing to my uncle. I think he saw it as a "domestic situation". (BTW, anyone who thinks a relative kidnapping is somehow less damaging should do some research) Has anyone else survived a kidnapping? If so, how were you rescued? How did you cope? Did you cooperate or fight tooth and nail? How did you cope when returning to you home?



Edited by ModTeam (01/15/10 12:29 PM)
Edit Reason: Add Trigger Warning
_________________________
God grant me
The Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The Courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to know the difference.

Top
#318954 - 01/15/10 01:48 AM Re: Kidnap Survival [Re: catfish86]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6723
Loc: USA
catfish

Yes, I went through something similar.

I described it at length in pufferfish story part 5.

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...9028#Post219028

It is very ugly stuff and probably very triggering.

Allen


Top
#318986 - 01/15/10 12:07 PM Re: Kidnap Survival **TRIGGERS** [Re: pufferfish]
Har Offline


Registered: 01/06/10
Posts: 12
Loc: The Pacific Northwest
I also survived a kidnapping. I won't go too far into detail. It's pretty triggering.

---TRIGGER WARNING---

I was kidnapped by a stranger on my way home late from school when I was 11. There were two men. I was not raped or assaulted. Beaten, yes.

I was locked in a basement type room. They did horrible things to girls my age and made me watch. I never participated, however. They never really said anything to me, other than to shut my mouth and not to cry.

They had me for over a year. They fed me. But tortured my mind with the things they made me witness. Eventually, the main guy told me they wanted an "apprentice" as they called it. Someone to lure the girls to them. I never ever once talked. I just nodded or shook my head no.

Everyday I tried to find a means of escape. It was nearly impossible. I thought they would kill me if I tried. I was compliant. In being so cooperative, they gave me more freedom to move about the house. They let me upstairs when they left for a few days out of town. I promised to not leave the house. ((yeah, I didn't keep that promise.))

After they left, I searched the house and found three girls tied up in the upstairs bedroom. We escaped and survived. They got the guys, thankfully. We were only a mile from my house. We flagged a passing car because we were scared of the neighbors too. It was a small neighborhood, but the houses were spaced pretty far apart. The cops came and took us all home. It was a blur, almost. My parents never gave up searching for me, even though everyone thought I was dead.

I feel guilty for what I saw. Some say I'm a hero for getting those girls out. The girls say I'm a hero. I don't feel like one. Why didn't I fight? I remind myself that if I had, I would have lost my life, and no one would have caught these guys. I was pretty small for my age, and they were much bigger.

There's a lot of guilt that they never sexually assaulted me, but they hurt these girls in front of me. It took a long time for me to find my sexuality because of it. My girlfriend is amazing and patient. I suffer PTSD pretty badly. Although I've grown into a pretty big guy, I still flinch sometimes when I'm out and about. Working on that.

Sorry this is really long... And I hope it's not too much info. Just wanted to let you know you aren't alone.

-Har



Edited by ModTeam (01/15/10 12:28 PM)
Edit Reason: Add Trigger Warning
_________________________
"We have done the impossible, and that makes us mighty."
-Captain Malcom Reynolds, Firefly

Top
#318998 - 01/15/10 01:20 PM Re: Kidnap Survival **TRIGGERS** [Re: Har]
catfish86 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/09
Posts: 819
Loc: Ohio
Har, I am working on my own reactions. I admire your actions. I, at some point, figured if I was compliant and pleasing, I might live but it would be painful and I might die if I resisted. My brother realized resistance was useless but was not actively compliant with the sexual stuff. He also feared him enough to keep his mouth shut. As we were being taken to his farm was when he raped us each at a different stop. After my rape, a state trooper pulled us over. A guy and 2 kids in a pickup on a highway in the mountains. The trooper shined a light on me and asked me if I was OK because I "don't look too good". I remember I was bleeding and everything in my pants, I had been crying in a ball on the floor, but I just said, "I'm OK sir, I'm just tired". I was so scared and confused it was beyond comprehension. After about 2 weeks when my mother took us from the farm, I would have told on her if I had the chance. At times I tell myself I was 8 yo, at others I don't know wht to think about myself.

Funny thing is after we got back to our home, nobody asked us what my uncle had done to us that I can remember. Two of my uncles went with my mother to retrieve the belongings that had been left behind but when they tried to get a deputy to accompany them the sheriff told them it wasn't worth getting anybody killed and ordered them to leave the county. Other than that, we just went about our lives.

_________________________
God grant me
The Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The Courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to know the difference.

Top
#319017 - 01/15/10 04:26 PM Re: Kidnap Survival **TRIGGERS** [Re: catfish86]
user2007 Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/13/07
Posts: 346
yes, nobody saved me though. they left me in the middle of trash when finished, and i had to put myself together and go back home on my own. i didn't fight, i didnt do anything at all. the coping was bad, i dont think i ever coped with it right until today. just push it out of my mind most of the time, but it comes back from time to time, just like now.

itll be 2 years in 10 days since.

_________________________
"Yes, I'm grounded
Got my wings clipped
I'm surrounded by
All this pavement"

~ John Mayer



Top
#319020 - 01/15/10 05:25 PM Re: Kidnap Survival **TRIGGERS** [Re: user2007]
GeorgeMartin Offline


Registered: 12/29/07
Posts: 187
Loc: USA
How does one run away, when there is nowhere to go? How does one fight, when it is futile to resist?

It's called being stuck.


Top
#319035 - 01/15/10 08:21 PM Re: Kidnap Survival **TRIGGERS** [Re: GeorgeMartin]
alan55 Offline


Registered: 08/19/09
Posts: 202
Loc: Seattle, WA
Although I was never kidnapped or tortured physically (we all know mental torture)I was forced into sex against my will. Do we ever heal this side of heaven? I imagine some do somewhere in the world, but no one I've spoken to or read about here has yet.Like Douglas Lloyd wrote, how could we have resisted? We were pretty young and powerless.
Sometimes I wonder what I would have been like if this all had not occured.....


Top
#319092 - 01/16/10 12:56 PM Re: Kidnap Survival **TRIGGERS** [Re: alan55]
catfish86 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/09
Posts: 819
Loc: Ohio
Thanks for your replies and PMs. I am trying to work through my own actions. Some of these, have reasons and rationales behind them that are not so sinister. In other cases, I guess I just need to understand it was not me that chose to put myself in the situations that I was forced to react to. What can you do? I am mad at myself for being broken so easily by a sick, twisted and powerful adult. I am mad at myself for the acting out I did as a sexualized child. This was the only thing really treated. By the time these incidents played out into treating me for my behaviors, the base incident was firmly buried and denied. In many ways, it is amazing that I did not completely crumble yet I am mad and judgmental for the ways that I did.



Edited by catfish86 (01/16/10 12:59 PM)
_________________________
God grant me
The Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The Courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to know the difference.

Top
#319105 - 01/16/10 02:45 PM Re: Kidnap Survival **TRIGGERS** [Re: catfish86]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6723
Loc: USA
I stumbled across this one a few days ago. As far as I know he doesn't come into MS anymore, but I found it interesting.

I survived a serial killer, by victor-victim

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=76022#Post76022

Allen


Top
#319107 - 01/16/10 02:59 PM Re: Kidnap Survival **TRIGGERS** [Re: pufferfish]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
I haven't read the thread.
This was in the Shelter I was abandoned in and where the worst of my abuse occured for 4 years I was tortured and sexually victimized as well as prevented from having any human interaction that wasn't abuse related.They wanted to be sure I could not out perform the black kids in my group. They took pains to physically cripple me because I was still doing well in spite of all the torture.
I have begun to wonder if I wasn't being held prisoner and hidden from site when I was being kept in that closet in the dark. I was not allowed outside or to leave a very small area when I finally was allowed outside. I did escape once but the person who found me called the cops and they took me back and didn't believe my pleas and fear, to not take me there was rational or real. Once again called a coward for being a normal child.
I have deduced this was the beginning of the torture meant to destroy my mind as even in the sixties it was known what depravation of stimuli would do to a brain. I think I had already heard something that they wanted to stop me from reporting. The man/older kid in charge of this really enjoyed watching me devolve.
Man those people are scum. I'd like to see them all in a bronze bull.



Edited by kidneythis (01/16/10 03:01 PM)
_________________________
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

Top
Page 1 of 5 1 2 3 4 5 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.