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#322431 - 02/17/10 12:49 PM WoR...wanting to go but reluctant to
TheBobcatAgain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/10
Posts: 507
Loc: AZ, U.S.A.
Hey, guys. Maybe you can help me make a decision on this.

When I first heard about the Sequoia WoR, I REALLY wanted to go. It's a lot of money and a long trip for me, but I really wanted to connect with other men that I could feel safe around and who would accept me unconditionally.

Now that I've become a member of MS and have been posting, chatting, and making friends with really great guys here, I no longer feel such a need to attend the WoR. It's been described as a terrific experience by EVERYONE I've talked to, and I know there are other reasons for going other than feeling connected and accepted, but oddly, something is now holding me back, and I'm not sure what it is. I still love the idea of attending, but I feel like I'm getting my needs taken care of just by talking with my new friends here on this website.

So...should I stay or should I go?

Any insights offered would be greatly appreciated. Thanks, guys.

Bobcat

P.S. - I'll bet Jeff (westchesterguy) will have something to say to me on this one!

_________________________
You don't have to be perfect to be wonderful.

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#322435 - 02/17/10 01:18 PM Re: WoR...wanting to go but reluctant to [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
Jeff,

I think it is a pretty common trait in survivors. To feel safer standing back and only interacting with others only as much as is require of us. I know that i was struggling with these very same feelings after I had signed up to go to last years WOR in Sequoia. Going to the WOR required me to step out of my comfort zone which is not an easy thing for me. But I am very glad I went because exactly because I had to risk being open to new people and new things. And at times it was a struggle for me to stay connected to the other men there. But I did it to the best of my ability and I got allot out of experience there.
Financially it costs allot but the rewards of having attended the WOR far out way that fact. I am hoping to go to the advance WOR in Alta Utah this year. Would have liked to gone to N.Y for the cofence there in March.But financially N.Y. is just too expense for me from the west coast to go.

Take a leap of faith and invest in your recovery.

Mike

_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

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#322439 - 02/17/10 02:02 PM Re: WoR...wanting to go but reluctant to [Re: michael banks]
TheBobcatAgain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/10
Posts: 507
Loc: AZ, U.S.A.
Thanks, Mike.

You're right - it's probably a comfort zone issue. But if anything could tempt me to risk leaving my comfort zone, it would be this WoR.

By the way, Westchesterguy is Jeff. I'm just plain old Bobcat.

Bobcat

_________________________
You don't have to be perfect to be wonderful.

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#322440 - 02/17/10 02:22 PM Re: WoR...wanting to go but reluctant to [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
Bobcat,

Sorry.
Where in Az do you live. I lived in Tucson and Green Valley AZ. In fact my abuse too place in Green Valley.

Mike


_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

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#322441 - 02/17/10 02:43 PM Re: WoR...wanting to go but reluctant to [Re: michael banks]
Dusty Boy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/15/08
Posts: 280
Loc: Australia
Hi Bobcat,

My journey started with workshops, personal growth themes, I got a lot of tools that helped me. Then I learned that CSA was what I was dealing with. I joined MS in 2008 and I found what I needed and that saved my life.

A member here told me that Mike Lew was coming to Australia to do a workshop and I booked in. I had to fly interstate and then travel several hours to get there. And used all my savings to do so. I am on a pension so funds are tight. Boy am I glad that I did, being in person with guys that speak the same language, that are accepting, understand where you are coming from and being in a controlled safe environment was priceless. 10 times than better being with on a computer, that is impersonal, even though MS site is good, it is a support site but being with with others is life.

In April this year I am returning and driving 8 hours to get there and had to save diligently from my limited income to do so.

If I could raise the funds I would fly over to do a WOR as well, and am working on if there is any way how to get there.

Do I think you should go...... hell yes, you will enhance your life and your experience here at MS.

Dusty


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#322453 - 02/17/10 06:47 PM Re: WoR...wanting to go but reluctant to [Re: Dusty Boy]
TheBobcatAgain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/10
Posts: 507
Loc: AZ, U.S.A.
Thank you, Dusty. You make some powerful arguments for going. It's getting harder and harder for me to contemplate not going.

Bobcat

_________________________
You don't have to be perfect to be wonderful.

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#322459 - 02/17/10 07:29 PM Re: WoR...wanting to go but reluctant to [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
Casmir213 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/09
Posts: 845
Loc: Northeast, USA
Bobcat,

I've been to one just recently. I never thought I would go to one when I first got here, but the chance came up and I went. It was an altogether new and terrifying experience for me, but in the end it was the best 51 hours of my life, because I did something about what happened to me. I took care of myself. Those actions spoke to and against all the negative crap that came out of sexual abuse. It said I won't be kept silent anymore and that I do care about myself. Try reading the testimonials from the WoR's by clicking the WoR's link on the mainpage. That should tell you everything you need to know. Even if you have to force yourself to go, like I had to, please go if you can.

If finances are a problem, they have a few scholarships for each WoR that comes along. Don't let pride stop you from attending.

Take care,

Rocco

_________________________
I see recovery as a lifelong journey rather than a final destination, a journey, though, which can have many successes along the way.

WoR Alumnus - Hope Springs, OH, October 2009

My avatar is the farmhouse at the Hope Spring, OH WoR. It's a nice place.

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#322466 - 02/17/10 08:45 PM Re: WoR...wanting to go but reluctant to [Re: Casmir213]
TheBobcatAgain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/10
Posts: 507
Loc: AZ, U.S.A.
Thanks, Rocco. Pride is not stopping me, just unsure whether I still feel the need to go. But I'm leaning more toward going with each passing hour.

Bobcat

_________________________
You don't have to be perfect to be wonderful.

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#322504 - 02/18/10 01:39 AM Re: WoR...wanting to go but reluctant to [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
Well Bobcat, year after year I read and hear comments from the guys that the Recovery Weekend is a life-changing event. I can tell you from personal experience that they are correct. I've been to a level one and the advanced weekend at Alta. They each have their own special flavor and well worth the sacrifice to get there.

Another cool thing about the WoR is that in the connections that are made with other survivors some have the potential to develop into life-long friendships. Pretty awesome stuff! smile

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#322785 - 02/20/10 09:09 PM Re: WoR...wanting to go but reluctant to [Re: WalkingSouth]
G5 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/12/04
Posts: 203
Loc: New Jersey
bobcat,

It took me four years to get to a place that I felt comfortable with, a place that allowed me to consider the idea of going to a workshop. Connecting here on the site is an incredible feeling, and this is a nice precursor for a WoR. Without this site, I never would have considered a meet up with other men that were abused.

The fact that you are considering attending means that you might be in the right 'place' or time in your life to be more.....vulnerable. This idea was an increadible challenge for me, but I did it. And so have a few hundred other guys. And you can too.

I've attended two weekends and have helped start up a support group in my area.
I am so happy (and proud) that I went to a WoR. It has significantly changed my life. The workshops are safe. The facilitators are second to none and understand what it takes for someone to attend. You will meet some increadible people and hear some amazing stories much like your own. You will connect, and you will feel a difference in your life.

You will be supported by the facilitators and your fellow brothers. This is not an easy task, but it can be very rewarding. It changed my life and I have some amazing new friends now that I can talk to on the phone or meet when were close to each other. The WoR's can open up a whole new world.

When I got to the door of my first meeting at a WoR.....I froze and began to almost cry. I was afraid of being vulnerable and being 'seen' for the first time in my life. I couldn't cross that threshold.....until a facilitator saw me an offered help. He was kind, respectful, and supportive. I didn't have to go in the room....I could've drove right back home that very second. But he stuck with me and encouraged me. I will never forget that kindness that he and the others showed that day. But I was the one who had the courage. I and the other 30 men at that weekend. We had the courage.....and so do you.

Hope this helps.....

Chris

_________________________
WoR Kirkridge '08
WoR Alta Advanced '09
International Conference '10, '12
Oprah 200
PA Support Group
WoR Alta Advanced '12
"Silence Buster"

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#322795 - 02/20/10 10:10 PM Re: WoR...wanting to go but reluctant to [Re: G5]
TheBobcatAgain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/10
Posts: 507
Loc: AZ, U.S.A.
Chris, thank you so much for your encouragement. In fact, I have great news on that score. My Scholarship Application went through! All I have to do is register, and I'm on my way!

I won't say that I'm not apprehensive about going, but I WILL say that my excitement about healing and meeting good people is stronger than my fear of going.

Thank you for your reply, Chris. I appreciate it. smile

Bobcat

_________________________
You don't have to be perfect to be wonderful.

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#322804 - 02/20/10 11:50 PM Re: WoR...wanting to go but reluctant to [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
Geeders Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/03/08
Posts: 1901
Loc: Peterborough, Ontario, Canada
Hi Bobcat:

Congratulations! I am so glad you have enrolled. I wish you nothing but the best, and I am sure you will get a lot out of this investment. Having been myself to one each of Level 1 and Level 2, I can say unequivocally that I have no regrets whatsoever. I can't describe in mere words what it felt like to be just "one of the guys" when I first walked in. Every one of us in the same boat. And to learn that we are normal, while what happened to us was not. Priceless!

Now I'll offer a piece of unsolicited advice. If you can manage it, take the first days after the WoR off. Just take it easy on yourself for those first few days. The WoR is an emotionally intensive experience, and you'll probably need that time to try and integrate the learning that has just ended, as well as sort out a whole bunch of new feelings. And while in fact they may not be "new" in the strictest sense of the word, re-familiarizing yourself with them can be tough at times.

Congrats again!

Jim

_________________________
My name is Jim
WoR Mysthaven 2008, Level 2 WoR Alta 2009, Kirkridge 2010, 2011, Oprah 200 men

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#322807 - 02/21/10 12:19 AM Re: WoR...wanting to go but reluctant to [Re: Geeders]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2439
Loc: TEXAS
Hi, my fraternal brothers.

Well, to go? or not to go?

Bobcat, take it from a "man".
A senior citizen. That a WoR will change your life forever.
Bashful? Afraid? I will guarantee that in a few short hours, you will no longer be a stranger. You will have a group of fraternal brothers.
Yep, just like you and me. We have spent a lot of time into the depths of our soul & hell too. This is a learning process, and believe me you will learn a lot about yourself during this weekend.

To give you an idea of my first WoR, in Georgia, last May, I posted my feelings from the depths of my soul, about that weekend.

I invite you to read my post of 22 strangers, in the progress forum. Post was made on the 22nd of May, last year.

I will also gurantee you that in a few short weeks, that you will go from euphoria to the depths of hell and back.

I hope to see you there, my brother, Bobcat.

Heal well my brother, Bobcat, heal well.

" I will take that lost boys hand, and i will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunlight, forever into eternity."

Little Pete & big Pete, trying desperately to become 1.



Edited by petercorbett (02/21/10 03:53 PM)
Edit Reason: spelling
_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#322818 - 02/21/10 05:18 AM Re: WoR...wanting to go but reluctant to [Re: Geeders]
TheBobcatAgain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/10
Posts: 507
Loc: AZ, U.S.A.
Thank you very much, Jim. At the rate I'm gaining friends here at MS, I'm not only going to feel like "one of the guys" BEFORE I walk in the door, I'll probably feel like "one of the friends" as well!

As for taking off time from work, that's easy - I'm unemployed, so I will have plenty of time to process and reflect back upon my (no doubt priceless) experiences at the WoR.

Thanks again for being happy for me. I really do appreciate it!

Bobcat

_________________________
You don't have to be perfect to be wonderful.

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#322819 - 02/21/10 05:34 AM Re: WoR...wanting to go but reluctant to [Re: petercorbett]
TheBobcatAgain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/10
Posts: 507
Loc: AZ, U.S.A.
Wow, L&B Petes. I read your post. A life-altering experience for you, indeed! I'm especially intrigued by the "shame-busting" session - but don't tell me about it! I want it to be a surprise, something I can anticipate.

By the way, if I don't have any problems with registering or getting there, I WILL be at the Sequoia WoR! The excitement I feel about going is excitement on a level I haven't felt in a very, VERY long time. (Actually, I feel like a kid on X-mas night, unable to sleep for anticipation of opening my presents in the morning!)

Thank you for your response, and your post. I know my WoR experience will be life-altering as well.

Your friend,

Bobcat

_________________________
You don't have to be perfect to be wonderful.

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#322864 - 02/21/10 02:29 PM Re: WoR...wanting to go but reluctant to [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
mrrecovery Offline


Registered: 07/22/08
Posts: 80
I think you made a great decision!

you can read my reviews of the WORs that I attended in the newsletters...these should give you an idea of what to expect...

page 14 under Robert L.

http://www.malesurvivor.org/Newsletters/MaleSurvivor_Newsletter_Vol_2_No_2.pdf

page 29 under Anonymous

http://www.malesurvivor.org/Newsletters/MaleSurvivor_Newsletter_Vol_3_No_1.pdf

_________________________
WoR Alumni - Mysthaven Nov 7-9, 2008; Advanced WoR - Alta Sept 11-13, 2009, Mike Lew Victims No Longer Workshop 2010, Malesurvivor International Conference 2010

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#322876 - 02/21/10 05:02 PM Re: WoR...wanting to go but reluctant to [Re: mrrecovery]
Dusty Boy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/15/08
Posts: 280
Loc: Australia
Good news my friend, let us know how it went for you, I am sure you will get so much from being there.
I am a little envious, even though I am going to Mike Lew in Victoria for a weekend and then a 1 day event in my home state South Australia

Dusty


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#323021 - 02/22/10 09:14 PM Re: WoR...wanting to go but reluctant to [Re: Dusty Boy]
G5 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/12/04
Posts: 203
Loc: New Jersey
Bobcat,

Great! Good for you! Any more questions or concerns....you know where to ask.

Jim mentioned taking time off afterwards, Pete spoke of 'going from euphoria to the depths of hell and back.'

You will feel a widthdrawal after the euphoria. You will need time to 'readjust' as I like to say. The WoR is increadibly good and difficult in the same. But give it your best, in the amount that you can handle. But I'm soooo happy for you that you have the courage. I don't think you'll be disappointed. Challeged? YES! Worth it?
YES!

Good luck to you.....and best wishes. We're all with you and the other first time attendees....

Chris

ps Hey, Jim and Pete.....hope all is well and I'll be at the conference....maybe see you there?

_________________________
WoR Kirkridge '08
WoR Alta Advanced '09
International Conference '10, '12
Oprah 200
PA Support Group
WoR Alta Advanced '12
"Silence Buster"

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#323027 - 02/22/10 10:20 PM Re: WoR...wanting to go but reluctant to [Re: G5]
Geeders Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/03/08
Posts: 1901
Loc: Peterborough, Ontario, Canada
Chris:

Hope to be there. $$ still an issue. Tuition fees, someone needs $$ for Rez fees... when does it stop? crazy

Jim

_________________________
My name is Jim
WoR Mysthaven 2008, Level 2 WoR Alta 2009, Kirkridge 2010, 2011, Oprah 200 men

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#323037 - 02/22/10 11:38 PM Re: WoR...wanting to go but reluctant to [Re: G5]
TheBobcatAgain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/10
Posts: 507
Loc: AZ, U.S.A.
Thanks, Chris! I'm very excited!

I can't find where in this thread that I confirmed that I'm going, but I am! Pending the phone interview, but I'm sure that will go smoothly. Almost everything out of the way except the waiting.

An excited (and trying to be patient) Bobcat

_________________________
You don't have to be perfect to be wonderful.

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