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#322431 - 02/17/10 12:49 PM WoR...wanting to go but reluctant to
TheBobcatAgain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/10
Posts: 507
Loc: AZ, U.S.A.
Hey, guys. Maybe you can help me make a decision on this.

When I first heard about the Sequoia WoR, I REALLY wanted to go. It's a lot of money and a long trip for me, but I really wanted to connect with other men that I could feel safe around and who would accept me unconditionally.

Now that I've become a member of MS and have been posting, chatting, and making friends with really great guys here, I no longer feel such a need to attend the WoR. It's been described as a terrific experience by EVERYONE I've talked to, and I know there are other reasons for going other than feeling connected and accepted, but oddly, something is now holding me back, and I'm not sure what it is. I still love the idea of attending, but I feel like I'm getting my needs taken care of just by talking with my new friends here on this website.

So...should I stay or should I go?

Any insights offered would be greatly appreciated. Thanks, guys.

Bobcat

P.S. - I'll bet Jeff (westchesterguy) will have something to say to me on this one!

_________________________
You don't have to be perfect to be wonderful.

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#322435 - 02/17/10 01:18 PM Re: WoR...wanting to go but reluctant to [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
Jeff,

I think it is a pretty common trait in survivors. To feel safer standing back and only interacting with others only as much as is require of us. I know that i was struggling with these very same feelings after I had signed up to go to last years WOR in Sequoia. Going to the WOR required me to step out of my comfort zone which is not an easy thing for me. But I am very glad I went because exactly because I had to risk being open to new people and new things. And at times it was a struggle for me to stay connected to the other men there. But I did it to the best of my ability and I got allot out of experience there.
Financially it costs allot but the rewards of having attended the WOR far out way that fact. I am hoping to go to the advance WOR in Alta Utah this year. Would have liked to gone to N.Y for the cofence there in March.But financially N.Y. is just too expense for me from the west coast to go.

Take a leap of faith and invest in your recovery.

Mike

_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

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#322439 - 02/17/10 02:02 PM Re: WoR...wanting to go but reluctant to [Re: michael banks]
TheBobcatAgain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/10
Posts: 507
Loc: AZ, U.S.A.
Thanks, Mike.

You're right - it's probably a comfort zone issue. But if anything could tempt me to risk leaving my comfort zone, it would be this WoR.

By the way, Westchesterguy is Jeff. I'm just plain old Bobcat.

Bobcat

_________________________
You don't have to be perfect to be wonderful.

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#322440 - 02/17/10 02:22 PM Re: WoR...wanting to go but reluctant to [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
Bobcat,

Sorry.
Where in Az do you live. I lived in Tucson and Green Valley AZ. In fact my abuse too place in Green Valley.

Mike


_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

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#322441 - 02/17/10 02:43 PM Re: WoR...wanting to go but reluctant to [Re: michael banks]
Dusty Boy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/15/08
Posts: 280
Loc: Australia
Hi Bobcat,

My journey started with workshops, personal growth themes, I got a lot of tools that helped me. Then I learned that CSA was what I was dealing with. I joined MS in 2008 and I found what I needed and that saved my life.

A member here told me that Mike Lew was coming to Australia to do a workshop and I booked in. I had to fly interstate and then travel several hours to get there. And used all my savings to do so. I am on a pension so funds are tight. Boy am I glad that I did, being in person with guys that speak the same language, that are accepting, understand where you are coming from and being in a controlled safe environment was priceless. 10 times than better being with on a computer, that is impersonal, even though MS site is good, it is a support site but being with with others is life.

In April this year I am returning and driving 8 hours to get there and had to save diligently from my limited income to do so.

If I could raise the funds I would fly over to do a WOR as well, and am working on if there is any way how to get there.

Do I think you should go...... hell yes, you will enhance your life and your experience here at MS.

Dusty


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#322453 - 02/17/10 06:47 PM Re: WoR...wanting to go but reluctant to [Re: Dusty Boy]
TheBobcatAgain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/10
Posts: 507
Loc: AZ, U.S.A.
Thank you, Dusty. You make some powerful arguments for going. It's getting harder and harder for me to contemplate not going.

Bobcat

_________________________
You don't have to be perfect to be wonderful.

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#322459 - 02/17/10 07:29 PM Re: WoR...wanting to go but reluctant to [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
Casmir213 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/09
Posts: 845
Loc: Northeast, USA
Bobcat,

I've been to one just recently. I never thought I would go to one when I first got here, but the chance came up and I went. It was an altogether new and terrifying experience for me, but in the end it was the best 51 hours of my life, because I did something about what happened to me. I took care of myself. Those actions spoke to and against all the negative crap that came out of sexual abuse. It said I won't be kept silent anymore and that I do care about myself. Try reading the testimonials from the WoR's by clicking the WoR's link on the mainpage. That should tell you everything you need to know. Even if you have to force yourself to go, like I had to, please go if you can.

If finances are a problem, they have a few scholarships for each WoR that comes along. Don't let pride stop you from attending.

Take care,

Rocco

_________________________
I see recovery as a lifelong journey rather than a final destination, a journey, though, which can have many successes along the way.

WoR Alumnus - Hope Springs, OH, October 2009

My avatar is the farmhouse at the Hope Spring, OH WoR. It's a nice place.

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#322466 - 02/17/10 08:45 PM Re: WoR...wanting to go but reluctant to [Re: Casmir213]
TheBobcatAgain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/10
Posts: 507
Loc: AZ, U.S.A.
Thanks, Rocco. Pride is not stopping me, just unsure whether I still feel the need to go. But I'm leaning more toward going with each passing hour.

Bobcat

_________________________
You don't have to be perfect to be wonderful.

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#322504 - 02/18/10 01:39 AM Re: WoR...wanting to go but reluctant to [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
Well Bobcat, year after year I read and hear comments from the guys that the Recovery Weekend is a life-changing event. I can tell you from personal experience that they are correct. I've been to a level one and the advanced weekend at Alta. They each have their own special flavor and well worth the sacrifice to get there.

Another cool thing about the WoR is that in the connections that are made with other survivors some have the potential to develop into life-long friendships. Pretty awesome stuff! smile

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#322785 - 02/20/10 09:09 PM Re: WoR...wanting to go but reluctant to [Re: WalkingSouth]
G5 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/12/04
Posts: 203
Loc: New Jersey
bobcat,

It took me four years to get to a place that I felt comfortable with, a place that allowed me to consider the idea of going to a workshop. Connecting here on the site is an incredible feeling, and this is a nice precursor for a WoR. Without this site, I never would have considered a meet up with other men that were abused.

The fact that you are considering attending means that you might be in the right 'place' or time in your life to be more.....vulnerable. This idea was an increadible challenge for me, but I did it. And so have a few hundred other guys. And you can too.

I've attended two weekends and have helped start up a support group in my area.
I am so happy (and proud) that I went to a WoR. It has significantly changed my life. The workshops are safe. The facilitators are second to none and understand what it takes for someone to attend. You will meet some increadible people and hear some amazing stories much like your own. You will connect, and you will feel a difference in your life.

You will be supported by the facilitators and your fellow brothers. This is not an easy task, but it can be very rewarding. It changed my life and I have some amazing new friends now that I can talk to on the phone or meet when were close to each other. The WoR's can open up a whole new world.

When I got to the door of my first meeting at a WoR.....I froze and began to almost cry. I was afraid of being vulnerable and being 'seen' for the first time in my life. I couldn't cross that threshold.....until a facilitator saw me an offered help. He was kind, respectful, and supportive. I didn't have to go in the room....I could've drove right back home that very second. But he stuck with me and encouraged me. I will never forget that kindness that he and the others showed that day. But I was the one who had the courage. I and the other 30 men at that weekend. We had the courage.....and so do you.

Hope this helps.....

Chris

_________________________
WoR Kirkridge '08
WoR Alta Advanced '09
International Conference '10, '12
Oprah 200
PA Support Group
WoR Alta Advanced '12
"Silence Buster"

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