Newest Members
SiegmundNYC, TheGreatWhat, MyNameIsPaul, serenity38, vivo
12486 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
Can-tex (45), cbchorn (41)
Who's Online
1 registered (L84), 24 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12487 Members
74 Forums
64151 Topics
447621 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >
Topic Options
#32176 - 11/11/03 12:54 PM Weird Nightmares
Brayton Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/21/03
Posts: 696
Loc: Minneapolis
Lately I have been waking up suddenly, my heart beating very fast and whimpering, almost sobbing. I cannot remember the dream I wake from but have the certain feeling that it has to do with an abuse memory.

Has anyone else experienced something like this?

Brett

_________________________
Sometimes, things just won't work the way we want them to.

Top
#32177 - 11/11/03 01:11 PM Re: Weird Nightmares
ScottyTodd Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/12/03
Posts: 1561
Loc: Pennsylvania
Brett - These nightmares or wakening terrified (night terrors) are fairly common symptom of abuse. You are NOT going "crazy" but are normal for the abnormal situations you have lived through. You may want to track them by journaling and recording as much of the dream, feelings and other information you experience upon awakening. Share them with your T or support group. Just one more hurdle to go through.

Howard

_________________________
If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anon
It's never too late to have a happy childhood!.....anon
You're very normal for the abnormal situation you've been through..............S. Todd

Top
#32178 - 11/11/03 01:23 PM Re: Weird Nightmares
Brayton Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/21/03
Posts: 696
Loc: Minneapolis
That's good to know. I have seen the term "night terrors" before but didn't know specifically what they were.

I don't remember the dreams that immediately precede the waking. I suppose that might come in time.

When I woke up last night I tried to remember the dream but my mind just wouldn't go there. It was like a big door just slammed shut with a resounding bang.

Brett

_________________________
Sometimes, things just won't work the way we want them to.

Top
#32179 - 11/11/03 05:41 PM Re: Weird Nightmares
zoltin Offline
Member

Registered: 10/13/03
Posts: 37
Loc: Southern Illinois
Brayton,

I have had those too. I have awakened angry and ready to fight, extremely anxious, and/or terrified. I have been journaling dreams for about 3 years and the dreams have gradually become less intense. When I began journaling dreams, someone suggested I keep paper and pen by the bed and upon awakening, just write what I could remember. Not to worry about all the details that I couldn't remember. Even just the feelings upon awakening. Very gradually, I could journal more and more stuff from the dreams. I find it's not even necessary to analyze each one, just simply acknowledging them and their message seems to take some of the urgency away. I now honor my dreams by writing them and allow the lessons to come as they may.

RickB


Top
#32180 - 11/12/03 11:42 AM Re: Weird Nightmares
Brayton Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/21/03
Posts: 696
Loc: Minneapolis
Rick,

I truly wish I could remember the dreams upon waking, that I was haunted by someting so tangible and comprehensible. I will keep paper and pen handy in hopes of something expressible in words.

I don't however expect the horrors to end soon. Whatever actually happened in the past, I am left with the endless nightmare of feelings that resulted from it. This does not end and does not reveal itself in such a way that I can grab hold of it and wrestle it to the ground in hopes of one day overcoming it.

Brett

Brett

_________________________
Sometimes, things just won't work the way we want them to.

Top
#32181 - 11/12/03 03:39 PM Re: Weird Nightmares
crisispoint Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
Brett,

I have had them. I have dreams that I can't remember, only that I was terrified.

In a way, I'm glad I don't remember them, actually. The wide-awake flashbacks I have are bad enough.

Be patient. In time, and if you want to, you will remember, and perhaps another piece of the puzzle will be in place for you.

Peace and love, bro,

Scot

_________________________
There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

fromacuriousmind.blogspot.com
malehurtandsurvive.blogspot.com

Top
#32182 - 11/13/03 11:56 AM Re: Weird Nightmares
Brayton Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/21/03
Posts: 696
Loc: Minneapolis
Scot,

I recognize patience as good advice. Part of me knows it is best not to try to force any of this. Recovery will follow its own pace and that will vary from person to person. It is a process, perhaps never-ending but getting better and better.

I understand that and it is logical but still I push it sometimes. It is draining but I see my concious awareness of what happened and what is going on in my head growing broader and broader.

What I don't see is my knowledge getting deeper and deeper. Its like I hit bottom in my understanding of what happened but it seems that it is a false bottom firmly in place, and that what lies beneath it is full of horror and hopelessness.

I guess that this wordlessness results partly from so much of it happening from when I was an infant to the time I was four or five. (I get a sick feeling just writing that as if I have crossed some barrier and broken some important rule. I anticipate punishment.)

Someone else has suggested that my authentic self may lie beneath that false bottom. Perhaps it is not all horror.

Brett

_________________________
Sometimes, things just won't work the way we want them to.

Top
#32183 - 11/15/03 01:46 PM Re: Weird Nightmares
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
Hi Brett,

I have different history, I think. In my family, when I am smaller, we are not allowed sleep so much. My father was rather crazy man, I think, and he would pull us from our beds in middle of night, make clean or work or something, then let us go back to bed, just to do it again in hour or less. Always, until he leave our family, I grow up as afraid to go sleep. So even now, I sleep less of four hours a night, and even if I do not have bad dream, when I wake, I wake up startled and scared, and jump out of bed with heart pounding, feeling guilty to be asleep at all.

So, I guess in way I have similar thing happen, but maybe it is for different reason. Am not certain it helps you.

leosha

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

Top
#32184 - 11/15/03 03:03 PM Re: Weird Nightmares
survive75 Offline
Member

Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 304
Loc: Massachusetts
Brett -

I have been and am still in many ways exactly where you are right now. I think the younger the abuse, especially if it is in conjunction with punishment, makes it more difficult to recover the memories and the words and the understanding of what happened. According to my T, it also makes the defenses harder to break through too.

I think age and who your perp was has a lot to do with how we process. (I was aged 4 to 8.) I'm sure if it started earlier, it would be even harder for you to deal with. You go through the self-doubts, the wanting to know completely what happened instead of the damn foggy memories, the "if I could just get the last pieces put in the puzzle," then I can proceed with recovery.

The forcing doesn't help... I've tried. But being told to be patient is frustrating as all hell! (Even, as you said, you know it to be true.) But then all of a sudden, I got three flashbacks, vivid as all hell, and wished I had never asked for it to be shown. So it's a double edged sword.

I have had night terrors since I was little. A lot of what you described is similar to my experiences... I'm here for you in whatever way I can be. Be patient (groan) with yourself!

-Sean

_________________________
-Sean

"Even though I know/I donít want to know/Yeah I guess I know/I just hate how it sounds"

Top
#32185 - 11/18/03 12:22 PM Re: Weird Nightmares
Brayton Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/21/03
Posts: 696
Loc: Minneapolis
Leosha,

Thanks. Support is always of great value. Being heard, responded to will always seem extraordinary, I think.

Brett.

_________________________
Sometimes, things just won't work the way we want them to.

Top
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.