I sat last night and it all came to me what a loser I was
brett i know you're hurting from this realization, but this is how recovery works. these revelations come only when we are ready to receive them.
now about that 'loser' label. i know what you mean there, i felt that way for a long period of my life, and the worst part is i didn't even realize it. it was the gas in my tank that kept me striving constantly to advance my own self image and self worth, because the CSA and rape[s] killed my self esteem.
recovery taught me that i am not a loser, but rather that i am a winner to have gone through what i have, and to have come out of it with a determination to not let it sink my life.
i love the onion, and hungrily used to look for each issue to come out when i lived in minneapolis. iloved to sit and read through it at vera's or cafetto's and laugh my ass off. true,t the humor in it can be pretty crass too. anyway, see how some good came out of a bad thing? by seeing that article, you came to a realization that you perhaps might not have had, had you not read it. and now you are here writing about it, working your recovery. that does not sound like you're a loser at all. you've engaged your recovery tools and that sounds like a winner to me.